I have only been on here for a year and have corresponded with some lovely kind supportive sufferers so I am a sort of newbie as I don't post too often but read everyones plights and give my experiences when helpful.  Just some advice needed. When you have someone who follows you and you eventually after private messaging give the person your e mail and home number as a way of support do they exploit your kindness, and their way of deleting their falling on and off the wagon is to re invent themselves it hurts.  The phone number the person gave me was unavailable.  I spent an hour and a half late at night supporting the person despite me being a vulnerable adult and quite ill.  I just wondered if I was stupid being so transparent and open.  I'm just kind and give my support to a person who is drinking one minute then a different person the next when their sober.  I'm at a low ebb about this and feel foolish.  

Sorry to offload.......

julie x

22 Replies

  • Hi Julie, sorry to hear that someone has abused your trust and helpful nature. 

    You have to look after yourself from now on, if this person is dragging you down with their behaviours and abuse of your good nature then the next time they call explain that whilst you wish you could help them - you really can't and there are support networks out there (including groups and helplines to whom they can talk as they need) but sadly you've taken it as far as you can and you need to look after your own health.

    Don't feel foolish, you reached out to help someone but you do need to protect yourself on these sorts of social forums.  Whilst I have exchanged email addressess and befriended some folks on Facebook etc.  I have kept it to these formats since Hubby and I have enough to cope with in our own circumstances and we can dip in and out of forums, Facebook, emails etc. without it impinging on our privacy and personal time.

    Rant away, it's no good suffering in silence.

    All the best, Katie xxx

  • Hi Katie, Thank you so much for your genuine support, I am a very trusting person and unfortunately I want to make everyone better and by doing so I get hurt and exploited.  I will learn from this error and be more careful.  

    Thanks again

    julie xxx

  • Jules your reply could also be what I would I say about me. Yes we are pm'ing now, but everyone on here sound so lovely and caring as well don't they! 

    Because of my Brain Injury, I don't even remember if I've really introduced myself on this community yet - can anyone let me know please? 

    I just saw your post Jules, asking Why? and a lot of what you wrote rang bells with me which is why I responded. Sadly I haven't totally stopped drinking yet - perhaps I used the excuse that the first blood test said C and A  NOT found! 

    Anyway I must get on now - I have a social worker coming this morning but thought I'd check out my messages on HU also! 

    Keep up the good work all you lovely sounding members on here :-) Sambs. 

  • Hi jules, I agree with what Katie wrote. You sound a lovely caring person - and it's horrible when you end up feeling used and abused for no good reason  by someone who apparently is not as caring as you sound. 

    I also agree where Katie says its best to keep out of the usual social media ' I used to think of it as 'the rat pack' - it's where people pick up on open comments and then start trolling you, often could be just to gain your trust! 

    At least on Health unlocked communities, if you want to keep something private with someone you have developed a trusted bond with,  there is the P M option. 

    I got myself in a right pickle the other week on one of the communities, it must have been one of my 'off' days, purely because of the way I'd worded a post - by the end of the day I was in tears and felt as though I'd been hung, drawn and quartered! 

    So much so, I've not had the confidence to go back on there and say anything in case it happens again  - and that's me also, I'd always thought of myself as being supportive and often informative - not on that occasion obviously. In the end I did explain and sort the confusion out with a good admin on there, but I still v fragile about it.

    So chin up lass, both ends of the spectrum or perspective there I hope. perhaps no more divulging phone numbers or emails, at least unless and until you are completely sure you made a real long term bond with one or some but PM's do the same job on here and you won't have divulged any more persona, info that you want to put on your own profile.  Trollers and mischief makers soon get bored or fed up and go away. 

    I hope you finish the evening happier or calmer than when it started and that you can sleep well tonight also. In daylight tomorrow hopefully it won't seem as bad. 

  • Thank you. I have spent days with this on my mind and as usual the lovely group on here keep me going and I have had a reality check.  I feel a lot better.  I am so trusting and I just want to make everyone better but it has backfired.

    Best wishes

    julie x

  • Julie, I agree with all the replies of support, that's so sad that someone has abused your kindness.  It is also a shame that it could perhaps make you reluctant to reach out again in that way to other people out here who would have appreciated your trust and support more without abusing it.  You do need to put yourself first, and I believe stress is no good for us, so hopefully in the light of day today you're feeling better than yesterday.  Best wishes to you.

  • Thank you very much and I'm feeling better having read these messages of support, I was dreading coming on here with me posting about a stupid mistake I made, but I'm glad I posted my problem as you have reminded me about being careful online - I'm very naive.

    Best wishes

    julie xx

  • Hi .jules, good to see you back today, and so pleased all the replies helped you :-) , hope It means you Are feeling a little better in yourself now. We all makes mistakes for whatever reasons in our lives,please don't beat yourself up about it, you look a lovely in your picture also, as you can see I'm old enough to be your gran probably lol, 

    So be kind to yourself, no more stress over the other person, you obviously have friends and more support on here whenever you need it, 

    I'm biding my time on here with my liver problem, I know I've got cirrhosis and had the usual,causes rules out, so it's a watch and wait and follow my Consult as and when I see her, my blood tests for liver don't seem to doing anything they shouldn't at present. 

    Look forward to seeing you again on here, I  sure there.l be more messages to follow also. Sambs x 

  • Hi, I'm heading to 50! so you don't look or could possibly be my gran, more like a big sister.  I'm glad I didn't leave this site as I nearly did.  I hope your liver situation improves.  I have cirhossis and all that comes with a badly cirrotic liver but I just go about my business treating people how I wish to be treated myself and trying my best to look after myself.  With regards to the other person, I shouldn't have been so open to my detrement and they will one day learn the hard way that you can't exploit the kindness of others.  Many best wishes for you and your battle with your health and I will not leave the site and I will continue to post and remind myself that there are majority very kind people on here with huge problems of their own.

    Thank you 

    julie x

  • just pm'd my reply to you,  to show you how the system works on.y  IF you didn't know x 

  • Why? Because that's an alcoholic trait. To deny their problem. This kind of support needs to be delivered by a professional and even then usually only once the alcoholic is on board with staying sober.

    I wouldn't take it personally, the mistake was handing out your phone number. I take it your issue with this person is that they aren't completely honest with you, and nothing more sinister? 

  • Hi, yes I agree.  I realised after the phone call that the person was by their manner taking the **** out of me by the tone and content of the conversation and when the number given to me was duff I knew I had been well and truly stitched up. It did strike me as a bit sinister afterwards.  I'm so glad I gave up drink years ago as I would give all my personal info out online under the influence and that's what makes it worse that I gave my home number and e mailed photos of me and my house stone cold sober.  I'm taking all of the advice from you and the other members who have been kind enough to make me feel better now.  Thank you very much

    All the best

    julie x

  • Hi, I would suggest that you do as I do and set up a second email account for things like this.  Be aware of who you are talking to- online only, no phone numbers.  That way you can judge what someone is really like and help if you can via email. 

    Mind I can't talk really, I met hubby online in a forum I was a moderator on.  That was before it was common but we had both protected ourselves when we met.

    You have to remember that if you are too stressed it can affect your condition.  If you can't put yourself first -a problem for most of us - then do it for any carers you might have or family or friends. 

    Don't let this make you feel like a fool, its just a lesson in life

    Please take care of you xx

  • Hi, I'm really overwelmed by the support I've had regarding my message.  I have spent a day with a person who I've known for years and had a nice day which made me feel better.  I've hopefully learned a big lesson.  I have one friend who I met online and we exchange cards and letters etc and she is lovely.  This person just took me for an idiot and now I'm going to be ultra careful.  I've been on this site for a year and you're a lovely group with problems of your own and still have time to help others.

    I will take care of myself

    julie x

  • Hi Julie, just a wee line to say not to feel bad or foolish for being kind and caring the world needs more people like you, keep your chin up and don't let it get you down at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing and I hope the person on here who is the cause of your hurt still reads your posts and feels thoroughly ashamed , keep on being nice 😘

  • Thank you so much.  I didn't expect any replies to my post as I should have thought carefully at the time what I was doing.  If I was a drinker I could have blamed that for giving my number out but I don't drink due to the state of my liver, I just wanted to make someone happy.  I will message on here as I've had some very good advice from many people who have a lot of problems of their own but won't give out any more personal info.  I'm very naive,  look after yourself too and best wishes

    julie x

  • Hi Julie just don't be to hard on yourself, I know how you feel cos I have a similar nature but I would rather be caring and help someone if I can than be hard and uncaring for fear of being taken advantage of , take care of yourself , Mandy x

  • Hi, your not stupid now that's out of the way,  I would and do talk to any one, a few have had my e-mail and we keep in touch that way. People are react different  but you must look after your self first, what would we do without your input. Please take care and keep up your good work on here and we hope to see more of you on here.

  • Hi, what a kind message from a wise man.  I would post more often but I feel that I 'dont want to bother people'.  I appreciate your support and thank you so very much.  Have another liver scan coming up, just a doppler scan again so that's a good excuse to post as to my situation as I was told by hepatologist that their keeping a close eye on me for liver cancer and also should be starting beta blockers for portal hypertension within a week now I've tested negative for asthma.  Without this place I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about my illness as noone is interested, but I did nearly leave. I'm just going to take the load of advice given and like you said stick to e mail.  Thanks Brum.  Look after yourself too!

    julie xx

  • Oh do not worry about it, the person is an alcholic right? Thats what they do sometimes. It affects judgment drastically. No need to feel badly about yourself. Maybe you are just angry. If so unhinge from the anger, it hurts you most of all. We all make mistakes, you are just another human being among us. I am in the states, there is a lot of getting overly involved in our support groups. The thing I really appreciate about this site is people give information from experience here, some of it I am using. I learn lots here. Mostly there are strong people here. I had to learn the lesson you did. You are not alone. Be happy you are not an alcoholic, its a tragic disease. Aloha

  • Hi, thanks for message.  The advice I have received has been overwelming.  I am an alcoholic who for medical reasons, ie, 2 lots of liver failure and a very cirrotic liver does not drink alcohol.  It may be different in America but here alcoholism is always with you but it is if you choose to drink or not.  You get diagnosed with alcoholism which stays with you but you can be drinking which makes you an active alcoholic or abstain which means you are a recovering one.  I'm sure that is correct but another member could verify this for me.  Sorry you had to learn the lesson I did - it does hurt and affects issues such as trust but I've had a lot of support from many members and can start feeling better about it all.

    Best wishes to you

    julie x

  • I am so thankful I had to learn the lesson. I am very happy now. I have no desire to drink ever. The desire to drink probably has much to do with brain chemistry and depression. When I quit, I literally chose my suffering thru misery and insecurity over drinking. Its the worst disease not my liver disease, not my cancer, my alcoholism was a prison. Now I am free.

You may also like...