Tomorrow will mark my third year completely free from alcohol. As you will know it's not been easy and I've completely turned my life around.
My partner of 16 years says he wants to forget about the past and move on whereas I feel is should be celebrated. I did show him an article about how it's a celebration of my achievements and strength and I was hoping he may change his way if thinking. He goes on a trip this afternoon and has not left a card or mentioned anything. In fact I know for a fact he's forgotten what day it is. Am I right to be feeling let down? If anything he's caused more harm than good as my self esteem is rock bottom.
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acjb007
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For what it's worth coming from me - very well done. It is something worth celebrating but remember it's a lifelong commitment so it's a fight you have to win every minute of every day, which of course is what makes it such an achievement to stay completely free. So yes, well done - mark the occasion and look forward to what comes next....
.... and what comes next should be your focus - mainly because what you're celebrating is the "absence" of something which gives you space to have a better life.
One thing to consider though....you said......
" If anything he's caused more harm than good as my self esteem is rock bottom."
Self-esteem doesn't come from other people. What they do is a matter for them to deal with. It comes from you yourself. So if your self-esteem is at rock bottom then ask yourself what has changed within yourself -if nothing then it's not that you lack self esteem but that you crave attention, which is fine - we all do - but once you know that's what it is you can factor it in as something you crave sometimes without making others responsible for it (a bit like me and chocolate digestives - I blame the Devil but really it's just me) - sometimes it's a question of perspective.
Hope none of that sounds preachy, it's not meant to be, just my experience. I'd be disappointed that my partner didn't want to celebrate or didn't remember but that would be their issue, but it's a side issue. The real struggle is yours and you're winning.
Of course all the congratulations are meant and brilliant for staying alcohol free. But for me I dont put dates as a celebration I think it places too much pressure on counting down days, my priority now is to let people know they need to educate themselves on how harmful alcohol really is everyone who cuts down is more of a celebration to me as it is one less person having to cope with liver disease, turn your negative into a positive for others that will make you feel so much better.
There is so much about alcohol that involves denial and this is maybe where your partner is - having to be reminded of your drinking may bring back memories he would rather forget. I have been alcohol free for 4 years 8 months and 10 days (I don't normally count, honest) but this is for my personal celebration. I am delighted to have gone so long and I fully expect to continue to do so. Your achievement is impressive and you should seek satisfaction that you have shown determination to overcome what is in fact, a disease. You describe your life being turned around - see that as a personal cause for celebration. Well done!
😀😀😀 WELL DONE XX and congratulations xxxxxx unfortunately - for you personally - this is an amazing achievement - you have battled what's been described as 'worse than heroin' - it's a personal victory ❤️❤️❤️ others may not see it that way but anyone that has been through the same battle will appreciate how well you have done xxx mark it as another 'birthday' and don't stress about what your partner thinks - treat yourself to something nice or do something that you really enjoy (just for you) - your partner will hopefully appreciate it one day - but this is YOUR celebration xxxx WELL DONE 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Hi there and Congrats on 3 sober. Everyday is a miracle.
\So listen, I'm guessing your NOT a member of a 12 step program? because if you were, you would be getting your chip, maybe a celebration dinner out with close friends in the program,etc. I am recovering nearly 7 years. I find support and encouragement there. Only other recovering alcoholics can truly understand the miracle of sobriety.
Not to be harsh, but if you had a sponsor, she would tell you..it's not his job to celebrate that with you..sure, he should be happy, but, he's not a drunk..right?
We get sober and change (hopefully) and we expect the world to stop turning and celebrate us. My sponsor told me once, "Big deal, you didn't drink today..MOST people don't drink everyday. You want people to celebrate you for something that they just assume anyone can do" That's why it's important to meet regularly with other recovering folks. Also, when we are of service to others, we tend to not focus on ourselves, our wants and our needs. Alcoholics are very self-centered and self seeking. We blame everyone else for our problems. and we get mad when they don't celebrate our successes.
I know I probably sound like I am being horrible to you..I promise, I am not..I can totally relate. lol..Which is why I can say this stuff to you.
To be honest, the fact that he stayed with you all those years..that should be reward enough for you.
Go find some meeting nearby. Meet some new people. Celebrate and enjoy your sobriety with other folks who are just like you.
We are all just works in progress. And to be honest..all we really have is one day at a time.
Resentments, the big book of AA tells us that resentments are the number one offender. They can quickly lead us back to a drink. Also, the further you are from a drink, the closer you actually are. It's easy to forget how bad things can get, and be. That's why having a great support group helps.
Now..on to what matters. YAY YOU!!! You are a Miracle!! Everyday that you have been granted the gift of sobriety is just AMAZING!! Most of us die!! You are a living, breathing miracle..and a loving higher power saw fit to choose YOU to get and stay sober..and to go on and have the life you were always meant to have!! I hope your special day is AWESOME!! and I hope this next year will bring you a renewed interest in your life and seeing new hopes and dreams become a reality!!
Hi. I thought what you wrote there was verry fiting. I've been too AA 3times in 3year6months people would hardly say a word I found that verry strange. Why?
You have to remember, you are number one at the end of the day. I don’t think that anyone that hasn’t been through what we have can fully comprehend the importance of being validated for our accomplishments. It’s sad to hear that you have expressed yourself fully with your partner and your needs and wishes have gone ignored, unnoticed and unmet by your partner. At the end of the day you have to remember how far YOU have come. Pick yourself up and look in the mirror. Remind yourself why your are wonderful and that you are strong. Heck , go out and buy a new outfit or do something you really love as a reward to yourself. You can only ever really depend on your own self to create the happiness you deserve. And if you want to get his attention. Do something out of your comfort zone that is exciting and thrilling to keep your spark and light alive when it feels mostly dim. Maybe that will get his attention! Also, I though you might want to join some type of club or organization that interests you. Take your mind off the negative and just keep believing in yourself. You have come so far!Congratulations and good luck👏🥳
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