somewhat disillusioned.

[cityman62]

UNCLEAN.

Sometimes you're angry, sometimes quite mean.

Oft thought so dirty, but really quite clean.

A life interrupted, even corrupted

Set athwart, put apart,or so it can seem.

Needles and blood haunt this place,

Another old enemy with a medical face.

Endless nights spent in decline

Befriended by fear and reproached with repine.

A Consultants nightmare-economies and guile

A hopeless case, you're a stat in a file.

Smile with consensus-but knee jerked with fear

Just like your nightmares, I too am near.

Twas once our own friend

Those days seem to end

A drug companies plaything

A system shall bend.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

BY ANDREW IAN DAVIES.

[sillygirl1122]

Beautiful....I have an idea, but can you share more with me about it's meaning? There seem to be a lot of symbolism in your wording. Just curious, but I really enjoyed reading it.

Robin

[H1ghtower in reply to sillygirl1122]

Don't encourage him, Robin, haha.

[cityman62 in reply to sillygirl1122]

Hi,thanks for the feedback,no great insight in there to be honest,I like to write to clear my mind,I'm Welsh but my voice could probably clear a packed room!Just occasionally,you get exasperated with the N.H.S.And also cynical about the Consultants slightly over cosy relationships with massively powerful drug companies pushing their poisons on us.I.E-free meals/giveaways/holidays(or should I call them fact finding research trips),incentives and who knows what else..When I turned down my Consultants offer of Riboverin/interferon after discovering the symptoms they introduce are many of the same the hep c virus bestows on you,he was quite upset,Also after repeated requests,no health professional has felt unable to share with me the genotype I have.Sorry for ranting,but Sometimes,I feel like the proverbial mushroom....

P.S.I have never been granted a consultation with 'my' consultant again.Doubtless Aneurin Bevan is turning in his grave at what his system has become.

[cityman62 in reply to sillygirl1122]

Thank you,just a window into the dark soul,of a condemned man!(ooh,melodrama too!),but really,words are good,less is more,words are all we have-and books keep me sane,just to copy a fine quotation-'its better to die on your feet than live on your feet'.Or more pertinately for a lot of us peeps-do NOT go gently into that good night.And above all-rage,rage against the dying of the light.Take care,and be healthy.

[jimboriley52]

Very good and very true

[cityman62 in reply to jimboriley52]

Cheers mate,I don't know your story,but like me,I'm sure you could write a book,keep your chin up and don't let the bar stewards grind you down,life is sweet,regrets are bitter,solidarity with you and all up here.

[Tatjana]

Cityman, I think you are a bit like me, I maybe wrong but when I am going through a bad part in my life, I tell it to all, but, only those friends who know me understand what I am talking about. The poem has a lot of feeling, maybe pain and, maybe it is telling us how because of an illness, tablets are taken and may work, may not work and may change the person whilst helping them? Please elucidate. Best wishes.

[cityman62 in reply to Tatjana]

Thank you for your message,I suppose a down moment for me,and also trying to get across that drugs are poison,-whether you buy them from a mate in the pub when feeling young and indestructible,or whether your health 'professional' writes out an umpteenth prescription for antidepressants for some poor soul.As an aside,the way everyone shovels down parecetemol like they are harmless smarties,as someone with terminal liver disease,really gets me down.Best,Love and peas-or beans,if that's your thing

[H1ghtower]

Or it could be that he thought he was on a different forum, lol!

[cityman62 in reply to H1ghtower]

Sorry if I offended your sensibilities,do feel free to input your doubtless deep thoughts,then again possibly it went over your head,tho possibly judging by your profile piccy,even under it!Then again,perhaps you are one of the chosen few with private medical care with no issues with our sadly depleted n.h.s.Challenge-do something better,or just have another drink,regards..

[H1ghtower]

Sorry, we're not very 'cultured' in Yorkshire...i have to give the profile pic joke you made 10 out of 10 though. Nice one....

P.S. I've really gotta get that profile pic changed haven't i?!

[cityman62]

I forgive you yorkshire tyke,I thought you had to live much further away to float upside down tho?good for upskirting I guess

[Tatjana]

Cityman62 now you have explained - that is an amazing poem. I do write poems and I love to write stories, well used to love to write stories. Just read you said no health professional has felt unable??? to share your genotype with you. Do you mean that nobody has told you your genotype?? That cannot be. It may be that they did not do the test?? Just do not understand. If you type in my name, you will be able to see my story, totally different from you but the same subject. You will see I was on one of the first drugs trials for Hep C and it failed with me - Interferon and Ribervirin and talk about side-effects - and then two years ago my HCV turned to Primary Liver Cancer. But, enough of me, I think you need friends around you giving support. My problems were not my fault and I used to differentiate between those who did take drugs but, your poem sums it all up with a deep feeling of regret. We all have done things when we were young that we regret now.

I think in the meantime you should do something with that poem!

[cityman62 in reply to Tatjana]

Nope,nobody will tell me my genotype,in spite of repeated requests,kinda strange when your asked to sell your soul to deeply debilitating drugs for 48/24 weeks?Still,must remember,you're 'just the patient',pml.x

[Tatjana in reply to cityman62]

I think it very strange that you have not been informed what genotype you are. Have you had a PCR? Were you informed about your viral load? I know for a fact that with the new HCV treatment, this is dependant on what genotype you are. I am also certain that a Consultant should not have offered you Ribirvirin and Interferon without testing for your genotype because the success of the treatment depends on what genotype you are.

I would suggest that you go back to your GP and ask him/her for a referral to another Hospital with a different Consultant because this does not make sense to me.

[H1ghtower]

You intellectuals can be so touchy, lol. Perhaps i was being deep also. Perhaps my pic has a deep meaning like my world has been turned upsidedown since being diagnosed as child-Pugh c and my pic is symbolic of how i felt at the time. Perhaps its not upsidedown, its the right way round and the world is upsidedown?! Or perhaps just i,m full of s@&£, lol.

How was that, fella? Did i sound deep enough, lol? Just trying to keep up!

thanks, cityman and keep up the good work.

[cityman62 in reply to H1ghtower]

Yeh,I totally get what your saying mate,when you KNOW,its like a total car crash.And then,(if you're like me ),you just say/think-whatever!but its a big deal,and in spite of optimistic thoughts,just now and again you think,oh fekk-its not good..however you cut it.Hence my dodgy poem ;-),sometimes I think,we tend to say-'why me/its not fair etc.Maybe we should deal with asking-why not me?If you get what I'm saying?life and stuff is random,you could never drink/smoke or eat red meat all your life-and still die horribly with bowel cancer.No pattern,no fairness,totally random.Keep your head high,enjoy what you have,and apologise for NOTHING you've ever done,you miserable northern scroat.

[cityman62]

Aye,its all crap int it?My best Yorkshire accent there!;-),seriously tho it is crap,my brother died 2 odd years ago of liver failure out of the blue.My mate/best friend gone with no warning over 5 weeks,so after the initial shock dissipated, I thought 'maybe I'd best mosey on down to the docs surgery-we both s.employed-too busy/no time etc.he was 54i I'm 53 and lo!same prognosis- gotta beat his age score is my aim,I'm hanging on in there,in spite of repeated offers of heavy drugs to 'make me better',best,the dreamily poetic Welshman

[H1ghtower]

I didnt mean you where full of it, fella. I meant myself re being deep and meaninginful. You got a good response so it must of been a good poem. Not the poem type myself so i wouldn't take my reviews seriously.

[cityman62 in reply to H1ghtower]

No worries mate,stay lucky