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People of HU - 'A day in a life' managing your mental health

SaskiaHU profile image
SaskiaHUHealthUnlocked
9 Replies

To end the year, we are sharing stories of a few members to give you a glimpse into the lives of people using our platform to better their health. The patient voice is at the heart of everything that we do. By showcasing to others how valuable each community is to our members, we aim to further empower others to share their stories too.

Today, we are looking to a day in a life of someone who shows others how they get through those slightly tougher days.

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For me, living with depression and anxiety means not living without it. In other words, even when I feel good, depression lurks in the form of my fear that it could happen again. That’s a weight and a burden that many of those without depression do not have to bear. Part of that is having to pay close attention to whether I have a balance in my life and that I am not over-extended. I need exercise, downtime, and enough sleep (as for the latter I have been dealing with insomnia for a while but I am working on it). It’s constant vigilance because the consequences of being oblivious to these things can be enormous for me. There is no “beating” depression, though in the past I thought I had. What I continue to work on is to allow and feel the fear of having a relapse without letting it stop me from having a very good life. In fact, it can be a motivator for me to live one day at a time and make the most of each one. And it spurs me to get out of my comfort zone and to take risks in order to realize my hopes and dreams. My mantra is this lyric from a well-known song:

“Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now”

That’s easier said than done. I get into trouble when I take my eyes off the road and start looking in the rear-view mirror incessantly, reliving the unspeakable nightmare of the depressions I’ve endured in the past. How could I let it happen? How much of my life have I wasted? As if it was my fault (and that’s how shame comes into the picture). But I cannot change the past. And I try to remember the good times as well, because there have been plenty. This is an illness that, in my case, arose from shame and trauma. And the illness itself produces shame and trauma. It is cruel and relentless. I am determined to not merely survive in the face of it, but to thrive. I used to rely on medication to numb me and keep my depression in check. I now rely on therapy, which involves a great of difficult work (and an excellent therapist) but pays many dividends in the long run.

I’ll close by relating how I constantly think of my grandparents when I need solace and courage. Their only child, my Mom, was killed by my father, who was in a psychotic rage at the time. I was 4 ½. That is my trauma. My nuclear bomb. That, along with a genetic predisposition, set me up for depression. My grandparents raised my brother and me from that point on. They took care to teach us about how to treat people, how to be polite, and how to be gracious and humble. But the most important thing they taught me is something they didn’t even know they were teaching me: to never, EVER give up. They could have thrown in the towel when my mother died and died inside themselves; They could have retreated from life, and nobody would have blamed them. But they instead devoted their lives to us and kept on keeping on. They learned to laugh again, and to be full participants in life. When I fall prey to depression now, I think of them; they are my heroes. And though I’ve felt like surrendering many times, I have never, ever given up. And I do not intend to. I may be bloodied and bowed sometimes, but I am proud of hanging in when the odds have been overwhelmingly stacked against me up to the present day-

What does community mean to me?

To me, community means a group of people who care deeply about one another. Everyone helps and supports everyone else. It is certainly not a clique. It can be 2 people, a family, 10 people, 200 people…any size, small or large. And it’s possible to belong to more than one community. Being a part of a community and being part of a team, as I am at work, are essential for my mental health.

What do I do to de-stress?

I de-stress best by exercising, hiking in the woods, and listening to music that I like. It’s most effective when I combine all of these. Also, spending time with my young-adult kids or my partner helps. As does reading a really good book…the kind that takes you away and that you hate to put down. Meditation can work sometimes, though I need to do it more consistently. Finally, something as simple as eating a bagel will do the trick (my favorite food).

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Consent was given to share this story.

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Stories on HealthUnlocked have an incredible way of raising awareness around certain conditions and wellbeing needs, as well as inspiring people who might be in the same situation as you. Would you like to share your health journey? Email communications@healthunlocked.com to learn more.

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SaskiaHU
HealthUnlocked
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9 Replies
twooldcrows profile image
twooldcrows

i think you wrote about most people that are among us in this family for we are facing the journey of living with MS that no one really knows a whole lot about and that they can't cure so far but with all of us in this together really helps all of us to cope with living with it and you were able to put it into words that has happened to all of us in one way or another ...thank you for writing this wonderful thoughts and writings of your story ...it does help others to know that they are not alone in this battle that we are living with day in and out ...again thank you ...have a wonderful day and many more for we are here together in this journey living with MS...thank you ....love and happiness....

suryakaizen profile image
suryakaizen

Please thank this member for sharing her story, Saskia. I remember going into a depression some 15 years ago when I felt rejected by family, in particular my sister. I recall that it lasted 18 days. It was scary and seemed uncontrollable and had me in tears most of the time, although I went about my daily routine through sheer discipline. Having to deal with it on a daily basis is, I think, terrible. This said, I like the way she is dealing with it, and I would think not just for depression but stress, grief and many other things that life throws at us. Sending lots of love and strength to her.

PastelsinArt profile image
PastelsinArt

Thank you so much for that. An eloquent and poignant insight into your life and a condition that I was aware of but don't know much about.

What an honest and hopeful story Saskia! I think that accounts of overcoming our difficulties and the support we rely on here is of interest to us all.

roseabi profile image
roseabi

What a beautiful piece of writing! xxx

Mariawatters profile image
Mariawatters

You are a survivor and you were raised by survivors . Hold your head high ❤️

Kezz63 profile image
Kezz63

How brave it was to share that story. It shows tremendous strength and determination to get through the bad times. I like the saying, "this too will pass" also there is a book 'Counselling for Toads'. A metaphorical book about depression.

wolfmom21fl profile image
wolfmom21fl

I live with depression and anxiety everyday. My doctors tell me it is stable altho I feel it is not well controlled. No, I am not suicidal, but there have times over the years when I have been. Most of my adult life has been spent in the depths of depression or fighting to get out of it. I am 64 now, and recently switched medications yet again. I keep doing that because they just stop working after a few years. Like i will be stable and mostly ok and then slowly and insidiously the darkness creeps back in. I need more people around me I think.. I live alone at the moment. I dont think it's healthy given what's going on in the world.. Just sayin'.. Ty so much for for sharing this story

Hobbiest5 profile image
Hobbiest5

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for what you and your family went through with the death of your mother. Though her loving parents stepped in and raised you and your brother to be strong, loving, kind and determined individuals. I too have depression which I fight with every day and I understand the constant battle. I imagine it sitting on my right shoulder (equal to the devil) waiting to slide into my life and take over my thoughts and my mood. It really is a demand.

Time to walk my dog in the fresh air and nature to get those endorphins going!

Thanks again for sharing your beautiful and touching story.

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