Con Te Partiro xxxx

As you all know I joined here for support and advice with my father's ill health. I know it has been a while since I have been on here but that is due to having a very difficult time recently. My dad sadly passed away on 28th August and every day gets harder and harder. They say the first 6 months are the hardest but I don't know how to cope. I want to do something in his name but have no idea what. Also I would be more than grateful for any information on support for this as I keep having daily breakdowns and I don't know what to do anymore. Furthermore I would like to thank you all for the continued support and have also contacted MacMillan to thank them. I needed to write this for I don't know how to gain closure but this is a small step. Thank you again xx

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  • Hi Laura, so sorry to hear about your Dad. I am sending you lots of virtual hugs and hope you will have all the support around you that you need. Please don't hesitate to contact the BLF Helpline (mon to Friday, 10am to 5pm) click on the red balloon for the contact number for additional support to help you at this time.

    You can approach your doctor for referral for bereavement counselling, also links below may be of help to you at this time:

    cruse.org.uk/

    nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/b...

    nhs.uk/Livewell/bereavement...

    counselling-directory.org.u...

    Perhaps contact Age UK for ideas on how to honour your Dad's memory. Some people have a seat with a plaque in their loved ones name. I think the local Council may be able to help with this to site the seat. Some people have arranged to have a tree planted in the memorial grounds, or a rose bush.

    I am so sorry I can't be of more help to you, but I hope some of this information is useful.

    My very best wishes to you and all the family feeling the loss of your dear Dad.

    BC xoxox

  • Thank you so much. Right now I feel like I need to talk about what happened and in general just talk about him. But when it comes to it, I don't know what to say and I just break down xxx

  • Hi Laura, try writing it down in a word doc or hand written on paper, I think it does help to do this. Tears are ok Laura, its all part of the grieving and healing process. x x

    I must get some sleep now and I hope your dreams will be full of happy memories with your Dad, Love and Hugs BC xox

    PS please come here anytime you want to talk about your Dad I will be thinking of you x x

  • A beautiful composition of Con Te Partiro by Andrea bocelli and Sara Brightman

    Bless you Laura x x

  • It was one of his favourite songs and I have played it every day since he passed away. It makes me cry so much but also makes me feel like I'm closer to him again xxx

  • Its beautiful and moving and so special that you both have shared this piece of music together :) xox

  • Hi Laura so sorry to hear about your farther ... I know nothing anyone says can take the pain away.

    But as your farthers child you are is legacy thus he will be always with you as you are part of him and he is part of you.

    Daz

  • Hi Laura very sorry to hear about your father jt does take time one day u will wake up and think of something good which make you think how lucky you were to have someone special in your ;life. will get better i lost my mam dad and sister So if u do want to talk were here so about below just wanted to show u what happen whem u go to sleep while writing LOL

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm XX ANN

  • Laura

    I am so sorry for your loss. Do you have any family members you can talk to? I do think that you need to talk to someone about how you feel. Grief is a very personal matter and everyone grieves in a different way.

    My father died just over 3 years ago and although we all still miss him we can now remember all the good times and talk about him without anyone getting upset.

    Virtual hugs and kisses

    Judith

  • Hi laura

    I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss. Your loss is still raw, and sadly will be for some time. Eventually, you will start remembering the wonderful times, and also the fun times you shared and you will begin to smile again. don't try to rush it, it will come naturally. There are many things you can do to remember your dad as bc says a bench or plant a tree. There are also many charities that are desperate for funds. In your own time and when you feel ready you could always look online for lists of charities, think what your dad would like, you could then do some fund raising. ie: a raffle, table top / car boot sale, tombola. There are many things. You are a wonderful daughter, your dad will be sitting up there with the angels feeling very proud of you.

    God bless you sweetheart. xxx

  • Hello,

    Talking about it here is a good thing, keep talking, keep crying, keep remembering but also keep waking up everyday and try to do something positive with each of those days.

  • I cant add to the wonderful advice you have had already, Laura. Evevntually, painful memories will gradually mellow. Best love and wishes.

  • God bless you, they say time is a good healer, remember the good times.

  • Hi Laura. I lost my Father two years ago and I think of him daily. You will never forget him and you will feel sad from day to day. I wasn't here when you were so I don't know what the circumstances are. If he was really suffering would you have wanted him to go on? It may help to search your soul. That is the only way I could cope with what happened to both of my parents. It does get easier but it does take time. It will always hurt though. He must have been a wonderful man as was my Father. Don't beat yourself up about being sad it is normal. You could if it is too hard have a word with your Doctor. I hope that helps a little.

  • Hi Laura, It really is as Rick says ,time is a good healer, and grieving is a process we need to go through, Thinking of you , take care ,H x

  • I lost my father from emphysema and 12 months later my mum passed. When dad passed I was very sad and l cried all the time. I found it difficult to concentrate. But I had to just get on with it for the sake of my disabled mum who needed me. When she went I totally collapsed. I felt like you. I was cried out and all my emotions were stretched to there limited.it did take some time to get back to some sort of normality but eventually I did. That was 5 years ago.There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of them. I still shed a tear for them and I even laugh out loud when I think of some of the things they used to do! In particular I miss not having the 2 people I trusted the most. What I am trying to say is that it's ok to be unhappy, to feel lost. You have lost someone you love and it's a normal feeling but as you are feeling so bad go to the doctors but just remember you have some wonderful memories and I bet you had many funny times so keep them in mind and when you feel low. Again remember everyone feels like you when they lose summertime they love, you are not alone and it does ease with time. Don't put yourself under a time pressure, there is no need. There isn't a time restriction on the mourning process. It will get better

  • Hi Laura, my sympathies for your loss of your father, I'm, sure he is very proud to have such a loving caring daughter, I can only reiterate the words of the first poster, you need to have bereavement councilling, the time will come a day at a time when you cry and grieve a little less intensely, just remember that as long as you are still thinking of him good and bad, happy and sad, your dad is always with you, my personal thoughts are that as long as someone is still thinking, talking or loving a lost person, then that persons soul is still alive we just can't see them anymore.

    I hope you get some bereavement councilling I believe you will find it very helpful, good luck xxxxxx

  • Hello Laura,

    I too lost my wonderful father this year in April - very unexpectedly. I find that every time I think of him I can turn to his smiling face and see and feel again the love and humour in his eyes and his smile. I talk to him and it helps but I definitely refuse to accept sad or unhappy images of him and turn straight away to the images expressed above. Perhaps you could manage this. The consequence for me is that I still feel him near me and I don't seem to have lost him forever. My brother and sister are dreading Christmas but I am determined to just be grateful for and remember all the Christmases that I did have with him and that he made such fun. Would you believe that at 93 he went on a large trampoline with his great grandchildren and bounced for about 15 minutes! How can you feel sad about a man like that, who still made the most of life even after 4 or 5 bouts of cancer. I am trying to follow his example by making the most of life. I wish you good and happy memories and peace in your heart.

    JS XXXXXXXXX

  • Hi Laura, so sorry to hear of your very sad loss but grieving takes time and your dear dad passed away in August which is not very long ago. Give yourself time and grieve for your loss. You have had some great advice above which may help. Also, perhaps plant a small tree or shrub in memory of your dad and it is something you can enjoy looking at for years to come. Thinking of you and feeling for you too.

    Take care and stay strong. xxxxxxxxxx

  • Laura, please copy & paste the youtube clip and have a listen.

    It's Iz - Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole singing Someday Over The Rainbow/It's a Wonderful World

    This is one piece of music that has helped my kids & I in our grief & loss of their daddy.

    My youngest was - as I'm guessing you are - just 27 when he died 2 years and 362 days ago. Their hearts were broken too and it takes time, quite a long time so everything you feel is normal.

    I do hope you have a look at BC's links and find somene to talk to who understands.

    It's normal too that those who understand are either trained or have gone through deep loss themselves so ones friends dont always understand.

    My heart goes out to you. There will be many invisible arms on here to hold you up on your journey, bless you xxx Peeg

  • Sorry to hear of your recent loss of a beloved father, there are no words to say, but given time it does get easier to accept. The good advice given above could put you in touch with others going through a similar experience, it's early days and tears are quite usual and help to take the pain of loss away. The site called gone too soon on line has a bereavement area once you register, where people can chat on line. Just another option but you may not feel like making choices right now. I planted daffodils in a field locally for bereaved family's to remember loved ones. Thinking of you at this sad time X

  • Thank you all so much for your support and advice. There seems to be several routes I can take to get help. And knowing I can come back on here and vent or just seek extra help is a huge relief! It hasn't been easy at all and Christmas is getting closer and more daunting as it was our thing to have beans on toast on xmas day (his dad passed away xmas day when I was just two) then a big dinner on boxing day. It's going to be so different not doing it this year. I turned 23 just two months after he died and all I could do was hide and cry because I wanted my dad so badly.

    Again thank you to all <3

    xxxxxxx

  • I hope you have other close family around you Laura.xx

  • I only have my mum. Its tough on her too as they divorced 13 years ago and have not really spoken since then. She has been there as much as she can for me but seems at a loss of what to do xx

  • its always very different when u loose someone extreamly close to you but i would start writing down all the things that remind you of him and laugh about the funny things he may have done i belief if you write things down u can start to heal i always remember a story when my father was with us hubby and i collected mum and dad for easter break and this idiot decided he would not give way on give way our new car was right of but hey apart from me broken ribs we were ok and not to dissapoint mum and dad we decided we would take them out and about in works van but just had three seats in front so me mum and hubby in front we happen to have deck chair in back so we tied dad up in this deck chair every time we went round corner he would run to the other side we were just compleatly in screens of laughter and even now i laugh about it so so funny

  • Hello Laura,

    You don't know me yet as I'm a September boy. Please accept my condolences on the passing of your father. I was distraught when mine passed away. Very lately, in 2010, I discovered that the Pulmonary team has a counsellor on its team. It was much better than the one the GP suggested. I was a one-to-one. I had her for 6 months. She told me that I could extend this period for a further 6 months and I could always call back for other sessions.

    I don't know your area, but it would be a good idea to enquire.

    There is also a movement called Cruise. they have sweet people who would help you and listen to you. A church or a council may have a list of local counsellors.

    I shall pray for you with my whole heart, as this is a difficult period. don't worry about breaking down, this is the most normal thing to do. You will remember his best times. Try not to go into the thought: if only I had... We, who have experienced such separation, go through this. I had a crisis in faith when my dad departed. Subsequently, I found a great help from it. If you heart is in there, you might read Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, (the modern version) because we are all Pilgrims on a journey. Often we find ourself on the hill of difficulty. We are loved by God, even if we choose not to!

    Keep your courage, going through this will make a stronger person out of you. Yours, Michael

  • As a thought for a memorial. I have know two persons who have planted a red rose in a particular spot in their garden. A flower, abush are all symbols of life. Hope you find this helpful.

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