Smile - sun is shining and I have got... - Lung Conditions C...

Lung Conditions Community Forum

55,236 members66,014 posts

Smile - sun is shining and I have got a funny - well amusing post

jandan profile image
10 Replies

Why do we love children? ......

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

Written by
jandan profile image
jandan
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
10 Replies
scrobbitty profile image
scrobbitty

Definitely brightened my day, thank you so much :) xx Loved the dog in the police van one!

jandan, I wont be going back to bed - I enjoyed those jokes and will be passing them on.

willowgirl profile image
willowgirl

he he nice to see some funnies back :-) xx

libbygood profile image
libbygood

Thank you jandan for the jokes, slowly getting back to normal keep up the good work.

Lib x

phillips1 profile image
phillips1

I had a long face when I came in Jan (been shopping with wifey) but you put my smile back on pretty quickly.

Love from Bobby xxxx

libby7827 profile image
libby7827

Brilliant Jan!. The first one reminded me of something my son said when he was 3 or 4. He'd come downstairs saying he couldn't sleep, it was about midnight I think, we were shortly going to bed so we let him lie down on the couch til he nodded off. My husband and I were talking, taking no notice of the tv, and thought son had nodded off on the couch behind me. All of a sudden we heard him say "this looks interesting" - we looked at the tv and there was just a mass of naked bodies writhing around! Ha ha!

Thanks for those Jandan :-)

Yes the police dog one was so sweet! xxxx

sillywitch profile image
sillywitch

Oh Jan, they made me howl, I loved the death one, brilliant :)

Keep up the good work ROFLOL

:D

Karen

xxxx

At last! After all the moaning about the new site, Jandan that was such a refreshing change to giggle again :d Judy x

ROFLOL thanks Janet, needed to get my chuckling muscles working :)

Sandra x x x

You may also like...

Sunday’s Poem - Somebody’s Mother

well content.      \\"She's somebody's mother, boys, you know,      For all she's aged and poor...

I posted a month ago about exercise, things have improved.

family friend emphysema requesting cbd oil south west

relief for her. A US friend said this had helped his father who had COPD. He’s been phoning...

Sunday’s poem ~ The Toys

words and unkissed, His Mother, who was patient, being dead. Then, fearing lest his grief should...

Update-COPD emergency pack- what should be in it?

my brother who lives with her that she should have an emergency pack- he found antibiotics...