Dead Duck

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

23 Replies

  • Nurse nurse I need clean pyjamas and can you change my bed !!!

  • Hi Homebreeze

    Good one!



  • If someone had had a visit from their matron earlier and was feeling a bit down which would be more welcome, your very funny or a lecture.

    Cracking Annec


  • Hello again

    Your joke reminds me of one I heard recently.

    I drink my whisky almost neat - I put in only two tiny drops of water in my glass. I drink it that way because, at my age, I can hold my drink but I'm not too good at holding my water (lol).



  • Magic pepsy :D but watch yet bum, some no likey funnies on ere !!!! But carry on we all need good laugh thanx for that one ;)

  • Hello Azaard

    Some of the funnies on here have really cheered me up. King of the Cocktails has come up with some beauties.

    Do you/i give a rat's backside about people who dislike humour?!!! YES/NO (delete as applicable)

    Sometimes I ned to laugh.



  • Hello again


    The last sentence should read 'Sometimes I need to laugh.'



  • Don't think i need to mention names either, ;)

  • A sitting duck,wasn't I?

  • Hi KOTC

    I'm not trying to steal your thunder. I was sent this joke by a friend and though it might (hopefully) make someone smile.



  • You made me smile Annec.We all need more smiles


  • I really needed that. Thank-you :)

  • Hi

    I hope it made you smile.

    Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and the members of this forum do their utmost to cheer you up.

    Take care



  • It made me laugh. Keep them you lot ! :)

  • Hello Puff

    I love to laugh - laughing is a tonic.

    Breath easy



  • That was supposed to read " Keep them coming you lot ". Oh please can we have an edit function ! :)

  • Very funny and very topical for me, nearly £200 for initial misdiagnosis and subsequent diagnosis of ear infection and meds,no cat scan or lab tests involved! Somehow involved 4 visits. When I say me, I mean Lil! Libby x

  • Hi Libby

    It must be very difficult to diagnose whatever is wrong with pets but sometimes the bill almost empties your bank balance. We would be lost without our veterinary surgeons though.

    I hope Lil is either better or well on the way to being better.

    Love and hugs for you and Lil



  • Hi Annec, that,s a great joke had me laughing :) & re libby,s reply sometimes I think I,d rather see a vet than some of the quacks I,ve had :D


  • I agree with you Sillywitch.

    In the 80's I had pneumonia (as it turned out). My GP didn't 'sound' me when I went to the surgery and he prescribed anti-depressants!!!!

    The pharmacist who dispensed them was a friend of mine and she told me to go and see a different doctor. The second doctor sent me to have an x-ray and the x-ray showed up what was really wrong with me.

    That was a long time ago though.



  • Really, genuinely funny.

    Lynne xx

  • Made my day, gorgeous!! How clever xxx

  • Love it

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