Lost confidence

[Qualipop]

Not medical related but caused by medical problems. I've been driving since I was 13; I learned on disused airfields as a teenager and passed my test on the day of my 17th Birthday. I've lived abroad and driven thousands of miles through Europe and Norway. I've always been the main driver and when I started taking strong opiates for spinal problems I booked an assessment with the Institute for advanced motorists to be sure the meds were not affecting my reactions. Passed with flying colours. Now, since my heart attack I've totally lost confidence. My spine became much worse so I couldn't get my mobility scooter in and out of the car so husband had to take me everywhere just to help with the scooter. I've now managed to save up for a bran new incredibly light scooter which should give me my independence back but I feel uneasy about going anywhere on my own, other than local. Because I've had to be taken everywhere, I've only been out of the house for medical appointments in 5 years. I've just got my car back in action after years of minimal use ie new battery, tyres, starter motor etc.

Any suggestions? I have cabin fever.

[Maisie2014]

I know the feeling well. All my life I have been everywhere on y own now I can’t go anywhere alone. I hate being dependent on my scooter or my walker but I’m determined it won’t stop me from doing what I want to do. I can’t bring myself to drive the car since my heart attack and at first I had major panic attacks with my mobility scooter. However I made myself use it and can walk pretty quickly with my walker. Try a little at a time like I did. I would walk so far whilst my husband drove the scooter, then when I’d had enough I drive back. It’s been a couple of years now and everyone says how much better my walking is and how much stronger I am since I started using my scooter and walker. My husband still takes me around in the car but I’m certain if I hadn’t made myself go out with them I would have become a couch potato.

[Qualipop in reply to Maisie2014]

I've had to use a wheelchair,then a scooter when my shoulders got too bad to propel the chair for 20 years n ow. I have no problem at all with that or driving around town but now even going to the next town to the dentist worries me and I haven't driven on the motorway in 5 years except just once when I Insisted my car needed a good run but I Had someone with me. I'm sure it's not fear of a heart attack, it's just the traffic and getting lost ( My c ar's too old to have a sat nav and I can't work out my phone) and of getting exhausted . I've just been to the hairdresser with no problem.

[Threecats]

Hi Qualipop

I’m sorry to hear about your problems with driving on your own. I can very much relate to that.

Like you, I couldn’t wait to start driving, passed my test at 17 and driving ever since. Would think nothing of hoping in the car for a 250 mile trip from Surrey to West Wales to visit a friend etc. but then, about 3 years ago, following a particularly nasty flu virus. I was driving down the road when this wave of panic overwhelmed me. It just came from nowhere. After that, driving became a nightmare, to the point where, other than driving to the doctor’s surgery a mile up the road, I couldn’t go anywhere at all.

This was a problem as I live alone and care for my elderly mum who lives nearby. I tried medication but that just made me feel awful and didn’t help but someone on an anxiety forum mentioned a book that had helped them , written by Dr Claire Weeks -“Self help for your Nerves”. Reading that, I realised my problem was that I was constantly trying to fight against my anxiety and get it to go away, but of course, the more I did that the worse it became. Once I started to switch my mindset to accepting the anxiety and just allowing it to be there, things started to improve. I even visualised it as a little, annoying troll that would follow me about when I was planning to go out, telling me all the terrible things that were going to happen if I did. I visualised my “troll” with wild ginger hair and a squeaky voice which got more squeaky and ridiculous as I got ready to go and was positively apoplectic by the time we got in the car but, once I got going “he” , I called him Kevin😀, would gradually shut up. It sounds utterly bonkers, I know but visualising the anxiety as being outside of me, as it were, was something I found helpful . I’m by no means back to where I was driving-wise but am certainly vastly improved and getting into the car to go anywhere is no longer the ordeal it once was.

I do hope that helps a little.

All the best to you TC

[Qualipop in reply to Threecats]

Thanks. Many many years ago I had a panic attack whilst driving home from work. That led to 5 years of hell until I learned to accept the attacks and recognise when they were starting. I'd been under dreadful stress at work, setting off on a very long drive at 5am and not getting home until almost 7. Now haven't had one for over 30 years.I don't get anxious in that way; I just worry about getting lost, not feeling well or a sudden bout of exhaustion. Driving around locally is fine. I'm still a good driver. I guess it's like falling off a bike, you just have to get back on and build it up gradually. I can do the hour to the nearest hospital on two motorways just fine but only if there's someone with me.

[Chrissca71]

sorry to hear you have lost confidence with driving you could try a local driving school and see if they would give you some refresher lessons in their or your own car, hope your soon getting out and about driving yourself

[Qualipop in reply to Chrissca71]

THanks I had thought of that but I don't actually have any problems driving with someone else in the car. I'm confident and a good driver; it's the being alone that's stopping me going further "just in cas".

[fishonabike]

maybe some sounselling alongside a few sessions from a driving school - confidence is part skill and part belief so it might help to work on both fronts🙂

[Thanksnhs]

Hi I am the same with driving, I passed my test nearly 40years ago and would drive anywhere with my young sons in the car and think nothing about it, as the years went on for no reason I can think about my confidence ebbed away and I now drive less and less, I worry about parking (I have a blue badge)and getting lost before I even leave the house so much so I refuse medical appointments in hospitals that are not in my area, I am only comfortable driving in my town or to my heart hospital. It can be so frustrating but the fear is real and I don't know what to do about it my bestie think's it is ridiculous and I should just fight the fear, she lives 20miles away, half an hour by motorway but I take two trains. My car is five and my mileage is 6k. I can't think of a way to get over the fear 😓 char

[Qualipop in reply to Thanksnhs]

Yep,that's me. Someone else in the car, even a 5 year old; not necessarily another driver, I'm to tally fine. This has only happened since my heart attack. I don't think I'm worrying about having another one.

[Heyjude31]

Hello, so sorry to hear, losing our confidence is horrible. I definitely lost mine after my heart attack and also when someone went into my car. What helped me was making sure I equipped myself with all the preparations i needed to make in order to make me feel safe both psychologically and physically. I had my map of wherever I was going. Phone numbers of people if I needed help in a hurry. Food in the form of sweets as I am diabetic. A bottle of water and a blanket plus the usual ‘in case of breakdown’ info I needed. I also went through my checklist before hand, took breaks regularly and also had some calming strategies if I needed them. It may sound a bit over the top but I was desperate to go and see a group of friends, some I hadn’t seen since the pandemic. It was also vitally important to my independence. My husband could have taken me, but it was so important to me. I was able to travel for 5 hours in total. I do hope you manage to travel further I must admit I felt quite chuffed with myself when I did it, albeit quite tired. Take care and the best of luck. Judi

[Qualipop in reply to Heyjude31]

Some good ideas there. Thanks.