Tips on coping and staying strong for my partner

[Colette1986]

My fiance who is 52 had a heart attack 6 months ago. After just getting to the stage of feeling comfortable to do things without him and not always think of him going through it he has now had a mini stroke. This has hit harder after seeing him unable to speak and look so helpless. I am really struggling to cope and not cry constantly. I have a constant headache when I have to go to work and feel sick with worry. How do other partners cope and be strong

[Tos92]

Hi Colette1986

I’m extremely sorry to hear about your fiancés health. I know how hard it can be to watch someone you love struggle, and how helpless that can make you feel. It sounds like you have been a great partner to him, and I’m sure he is also grateful to have you too.

I also went through a similar time in my life where I was sick with constant worry for a loved one. But, we have to remember that in the midst of all of this, no amount of worrying will change the situation. It was really hard for me to grasp this, but you need to remember that you matter too which means you must look after yourself as well.

There are local support groups which the BHF have set up. I will attach the link for you below and you can perhaps have a look and see if there is one near you.

bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...

This forum is also a support group, so you’re more than welcome to post on here when you need someone to talk to, whether that’s about how you’re feeling, or your fiancés health.

I really really hope he improves soon and your worry decreases. I know that’s easier said than done. Maybe in addition to the support groups, you could set aside some time for you in the week where you can concentrate on things which you like. I find that yoga and meditation are both great for my anxiety, including breathing exercises.

All my love.

Tos

[RufusScamp]

This is hard for both of you. Sometimes it can feel worse for the unaffected partner. Your fiancé is lucky to have you supporting him. Do you have family or friends you can talk to?

There is no easy answer beyond helping him follow instructions on things like diet, meds and exercise, but your love and care is as important.

I hope his condition improves. I am sure we all send you love and virtual hugs.

[Rosie1066]

I am so very sorry to hear about your fiancé and really feel for you having gone through very similar situation with my late husband. I’m sorry but I just don’t know how we find the strength to carry on at times like this, but we must although I know it is very hard.

My poor husband got a blood clot during emergency surgery for an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. The clot went straight to his brain and he suffered a stroke. He also suffered kidney failure and Gangrene in both feet and eventually had some toes amputated and spent a month in Critical Care. He then was discharged to a stroke unit where he spent four months. He had only been home a few weeks when I found him unconscious on Christmas Eve and found myself having to do CPR on my husband whilst waiting for the emergency ambulance. Little did I know that what my husband was suffering was the first of very many post stroke Seizures. I cared for my husband for five long years. In that time he was hospitalised many times due to the Seizures. Unfortunately my husband was hospitalised again and spent most of 2022 in hospital where he caught Covid, MRSA, Sepsis and Pneumonia. Sadly, he died of Pneumonia at Christmas.

There are times when I wonder how on earth I survived, but I did and now I am trying to re-build my life, which has been very hard, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel. We have to stay strong.

[Bingo88]

So sorry to hear about your Fiancé having another health problem. It's obviously a shock to your system and sounds like you are both so young to be going through this. Hope you have good friends to support you close by. Or we will always be here to help you the best we can. Hope he will be ok. Brian

[Smitty1956]

Hi, Colette1986,

I am very sorry that you and your fiancée are going through so much right now. It has to feel overwhelming to you at times. I can’t offer much advice beyond what TOS92 and others, have provided.

You might consider the advice that we get on plane flights when they state that in the case of an emergency and the oxygen masks drop, always put your mask on first so that you will be able to actively help others. You must replenish yourself in order to have more to give.

Perhaps you could have a friends night out once per week or join a yoga class or walking/biking group. Talk/share with family and/or friends—join a book club, or take an art class, or participate in a cooking class. Just take some time to replenish your energy and mental health.

I truly hope that your fiancée soon improves and that you can, maybe, worry less. I am sending my best wishes and a virtual hug to you! ❤️

[Shar28]

Hello, I’m sorry to hear about the very tough time you and your fiance are going through. When it comes to being strong, please remember to look after yourself so you can look after him too. To me, as the wife of a heart patient, strength means a couple of things. Firstly, asking for help whether that’s from family, friends, work, this forum, GP, BHF nurses, Stroke nurses, counsellor etc. I find it hard to ask others but its been so very worthwhile when I have. Secondly, my husband and I talking honestly about my feelings, my fears, my ups and downs as well as his. I realise your fiance can’t talk at the moment which must be incredibly frightening and frustrating for both of you, but are there other ways he can communicate - writing, using the keypad on his phone or tablet? There are tips on the Stroke Association website. Heres a link

stroke.org.uk/finding-suppo...

I hope your fiance recovers well and you get support too. Best wishes to you both.

[Chickenlou]

Sorry to hear what you are both going through.

My partner had heart surgery 3 years ago and has since been diagnosed with other serious issues.

I know the feeling well of worrying constantly that something will happen whilst I’m at work etc. We just try to take one day at a time and I try not to worry. (Easier said then done!)

You don’t have to be strong all of the time - you can cry, be upset, be angry...it’s very normal.

Please find whatever support you can for you - family, friends, people on this forum, colleagues - anyone you can talk to.

Please try to look after yourself. xx