New and Overwhelmed!

[NervousWife]

Morning. My husband had a heart attack last week, followed by angiogram and single stent this week. He is now home from hospital and I feel utterly terrified at the responsibilty of supporting him through his recovery, I quite liked him being wired up to a monitor 24 hours a day! I just want to ask if any of you can suggest any coping mechanisms for making me feel it's safe to leave him when I go back to work next week? He's very tolerant of my hourly calls and messages if I go shopping etc 😂

[Hidden]

Hello & Welcome

I think we do not realise heart attacks can leave partners more anxious than the person that has had one and I feel for you

There are many members that have had a heart attack and a single stent and are doing things they never did before the heart event like running and have got their fitness levels back and above they were

Your Husbands stent has now opened the blocked artery and he is now on the right medication you have to say focused on those thoughts as well as they professionals have had a real good look around his heart and have found the problem and dealt with it

I think time is something that will eventually decrease you fear but try turning the negative thoughts into positive ones

It is quite normal to worry but he is in a better position now than before this event that you didn't know about was about to happen tell yourself that to

Your confidence will come back give yourself time and go to work make your hourly phone calls if you have to and eventually you will realise he is going to be ok

I hope his recovery is going well and let us know how you get on x

[NervousWife in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, those are very kind and wise words.

[Hidden in reply to NervousWife]

x

[Gumbie_Cat in reply to Hidden]

I don’t know much about all this, but wanted to say that you always have the most thoughtful and kind words x

[Hidden in reply to Gumbie_Cat]

Hello

That is so kind of you to say and I really appreciate it

I hope you are doing ok ? x

[Gumbie_Cat in reply to Hidden]

Thank you - I’m doing fine, just learning to live with the uncertainty of A Fib, but it’s nothing compared to other people’s problems.

[Hidden in reply to Gumbie_Cat]

Hello

I am glad you are doing well but even though some people maybe going through other things that might be more serious whatever we are going through affects us and the difficulties that can come with it

The process of learning how to cope is just the same and I hope with time you will be coping even better than you are now it takes a while but I know you will get there x

[Simes11 in reply to Gumbie_Cat]

Hear! Hear! BeKind’s responses: always insightful, always supportive, ALWAYS KIND. Bless her… 🙏❤️

[statinsinthebin]

probably not what you want to hear,but you are his wife not his mother,the changes he needs to make to lead a healthy life he needs to do himself.im not sure if hourly check calls is a good idea moving forward,its natural to worry about your loved ones but you also need to relax and look after yourself.

[NervousWife]

Fab username, says it all really 😂.Thanks for your reply, my husband is doing really well although digging might be a while off! We've talked for years about making healthier lifestyle choices and this has absolutely made us do it rather than talk about it. The procedure went well and Dave came home the next day with a bucket full of tablets (something else to get used to). He hasn't smoked since the heart attack and is doing really well with patches. Neither of us enjoy cooking and I think that's the challenge I'm finding most overwhelming. We met an amazing Cardiac Rehab Nurse who introduced us to this website, the eat well plate and explained about food labelling. I know it will just be trial and error, and we laugh about my disastrous attempts together - remember Ria from the TV series Butterflies? A supermarket shop is a bit much for Dave at the moment so I feel hugely responsible that everything he eats is chosen and cooked by myself, what if I give him the wrong thing runs constantly through my head. Whilst Statinsinthebin made a very valid point about me being Dave's wife and not his mother, until he's back to his old self I seem to have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders which I sometimes find too much. I know time will build confidence for us both and that once fully recovered Dave will be a new, improved model - the whole shock has just knocked me mentally far more than I could ever have imagined.

[Gumbie_Cat in reply to NervousWife]

I’m sure it will. My husband had an op recently and he is chief cook. He actually enjoys it, and in my defence he knew I was hopeless before he married me. I did scrape by somehow 😂

All the best to both of you.

[cardinal177 in reply to NervousWife]

Hi nervous wife...me too!my husband had nocturnal pauses and has to have a pacemaker implanted shortly. We just found out and I am still in shock...start crying periodically and feel pretty nervous....so am with you on this

[NervousWife in reply to cardinal177]

Terrifying isn't it! But reading all these replies with great suggestions - I'm beginning to believe it will get easier.Wishing you both all the best. Be kind to yourself as well as caring for your husband.

[cardinal177 in reply to NervousWife]

Thank you. And all the best to you too…maybe if we just take it a day at a time, and hope thatThe dark cloud lifts eventually

[NervousWife in reply to cardinal177]

🤞🏻

[RufusScamp]

He is lucky to have you.It is quite natural for you to worry. My husband still fusses round me 3 years after my lesser incident. Perhaps try and leave a bit longer between checks each week, and encourage him to do as much as he feels able. Can you plan meals with him before you go shopping?

A friend of mine 6 months after a major heart attack was actually much fitter and active than he had been before.

[NervousWife in reply to RufusScamp]

That's such sensible advice, thank you. We're big on jars, packets and takeaways - which is undoubtably a contributing factor to the position we're in now - but a bit of forward planning first would make me feel like the responsibility wasn't all mine. And give Dave something to do too.I'm sure once I've been back at work a few days the gap between checks will naturally lengthen and as I'm busy I'll have less time to be worrying everything is OK.

I think Dave will be like your friend, he is definitely seeing this as a serious warning so will be a much healthier person in six months.

Thank you for your support.

[NervousWife]

I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to read that. Dave is 56 and nearly 18 stone so your own experience is very relatable. Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your story. Here's to a bit of gut clenching fear. He's so determined and positive, I know we'll both be healthier after making the right lifestyle choices for us. Not sure either of us will ever run a half marathon though.Wishing you all the best in the Welsh Masters.

[Sodapop13]

Hi, NervousWife, it’s the first time I have replied to anyone on the site although I frequently refer to the posts. Just wanted to reply as I was you six months ago. My husband had a massive Stemi in February with one stent fitted. Like many it was out of the blue, although looking back we missed some warning signs. I was the concerned wife and worried about changing diets and whether what I chose at the shops would help or hinder. After following him around for the first few weeks, I managed to release the apron strings! We have followed a Mediterranean diet and exercise has greatly improved although we were both active before . Six months on he has lost 3 and a half stone, is sleeping well and feels much better, as do I. He’s returned back to work part time and ready to embrace the new future. Can’t thank New Cross and their rehab team enough for this second chance. The words of his inspiring cardiologist were ‘cook a healthy meal and serve only half of it, exercise when ready and double it, love and laugh at every possible moment and live your new life’ It does get much easier but is scary at the beginning of the journey. Take care x

[NervousWife in reply to Sodapop13]

That's very reassuring, thank you so much for your reply. I don't want to feel like I'm making this all about me but it's really helpful to know I'm not alone in my anxieties. I'll work towards cutting the apron strings, and follow those great words of advice from the cardiologist. Thank you.

[RufusScamp in reply to NervousWife]

It's about both of you. It is just as important for you to take care of yourself, and protect your own health so that you can support your husband.

[Sodapop13]

Forgot to say if your Husband is offered cardiac rehab then encourage him to grab it! It helped mine to feel more confident with exercise and what he could manage and took the pressure off me in worrying if he was doing too much!

[NervousWife in reply to Sodapop13]

Yes, Dave has a rehab app and an appointment for face to face sessions. He's really keen to get started and have more personalised planning with how much he can do.