Psychological support after CABG

[SRDS]

I was wondering how I can help my husband to get over the trauma of what he went through. He just had a bypass at 42 years and this is making him realise how limited his life span is. I know he tries to be positive, but he cannot help but think about what he thinks is his "impending doom" . He said that he thought that he would have a normal life growing old,.. but he does not see that happening now. I do not know how to help him. Any advice?

[Heyjude31]

Hello, I am not sure if your husband has access to Cardiac Rehab but sometimes they offer psychological support. I am just waiting to find out for myself. I think it also depends on the area you are in. On line there is also IAPT which is Improving Access To Psychological Services, though I think there can be a waiting list which can be quite long. Perhaps start with the Cardiac Rehab team. I hope that helps and I really hope your husband starts to feel better soon. Judi

[Suebedoo in reply to Heyjude31]

Hi - my husband was the same. He kept saying, I only have 10 years to live. Cardiac rehab were not that useful but he had his op just at the start of covid. The nurses who work for the British heart foundation were extremely helpful. Otherwise maybe try cbt counselling. My husband’s feelings subsided by themselves

[SRDS in reply to Heyjude31]

Thank you Heujude31. Appreciate you replying. I will check on the cardiac rehab first as suggested. Hope all is okay with you.

[123Brocastle]

HiI had a by pass & aortic valve 6 months ago, 7 weeks ago collapsed & had a pacemaker I’m 62

Like your husband I felt very low, found I had nobody to talk to (my wife was brilliant) as the cardiac nurse said nobody knows what you’ve been through unless they’ve had the same procedure. I feel better now, as I’m sure you’re husband will with time.

Hopefully he will get to the same point as me,, Nothing bothers me, we’re lucky to be here. I think I envy him in a way, I have 20 years on him I wish I had an extra 20 to be with my wife.

Soon he will hopefully be back to normal? Not too much thinking & enjoying your lives together

I hope he gets to where I am, & enjoys the rest of his life, & realises there is a great future with no impending doom!

[SRDS in reply to 123Brocastle]

Thanks 123Brocastle. you made me smile. It is good to see that you feel better. It gives me hope.

[pasigal]

I had a double or triple whammy of heart issues at age 52 and felt exactly the same way. Counseling, which I paid for by myself, helped tremendously. after 6 months of weekly sessions I feel much better about myself and the anxiety has mostly eased. It's an investment in your future.

[SRDS in reply to pasigal]

Thanks pasigal. It is s brilliant idea. I would if I could afford it. Thank you

[Mollycorn1936]

I was 63 when i had my triple bypass.That was 22years ago.I have lived a full life with medication. I think the more positive you are the better you cope.Good luke and best wishes for the future.

[SRDS in reply to Mollycorn1936]

Completely agree with you. I will show him these posts. To boost up his positive outlook on the matter.

[MountainGoat52]

Remaining positive is certainly the key to recovery and coping with life. I have a friend in his 70s who had his bypass over 40 years ago and he still leads a full and active life. I'm following down the same road and so far it's all good, in fact physically I am in much better shape than I used to be.

I hope that your husband can get the councelling he needs and can start to see things in a positive light. My best wishes for the future.

[SRDS in reply to MountainGoat52]

This is amazing news! I will try to get him to see the other side of the coin too, where people have done really well after bypass. Thank you

[Auntyp62]

My husband is 8 years post quadruple bypass and still gets feelings of doom, although he is very fit. He is not a talker and did not want counselling. After 5 years of worry he now sees a private cardiologist once a year for checks which reassures him and has given him back the confidence to live a full positive life. I don’t think he will ever get over the trauma of the bypass completely but he has moved on.

[SRDS in reply to Auntyp62]

Yes I think regular check up may give him the confidence. The evidence will be in front of him then. Thank you

[ChoochSiesta in reply to Auntyp62]

To me, the most difficult trauma is the team of doctors, surgeons that have to actually perform the surgery. They are absolute legends.

[Qualipop]

Your GP can arrange counselling or point you to where you can self refer. Your husband's in shock right now but it will get better. It's a wake up call to change his lifestyle, diet etc and he can get through this. I think it hits most people the same way. I had a heart attack when I was 71, completely out of the blue; no warning signs and despite my age I felt the same. I was sure I'd have another one in a few weeks. You are suddenly faced with your own mortality and it's hard no matter what age you are. Has your husband actually asked his doctor to explain everything to him;. how t o change his lifestyle, how this could affect him and whether it might shorten his lifespan? My GP was brilliant. Talk to his GP. I'm guessing the hospital told him absolutely nothing. They just discharged me without a word.

[SRDS in reply to Qualipop]

I think you are right. As mentioned by Auntyp62, talking facts with professionals will help. The hospital has been brilliant. They put his HA down to family history since there was nothing to indicate that he should have a heart attack. He has always been conscious of his diet and exercise. So that is why it is a shock to him. Thank you Qualipop. Will talk to gp and other Dr

[Qualipop in reply to SRDS]

I'm sure it should help. After mine, literally all I got from the hospital was "YOu had a heart attack, take these tablets". They squeezed in an echo scan just before I left and it was only a chance remark by the lady doing it that set my mind at rest at all. She just said, almost as an aside, "Oh that's good there's very little damage". The consultant's report when it came needed a degree to understand it so I took it to my GP and asked for a translation along with all the questions I had written down. I wasn't even told about rehab who did phone after 3 weeks but the nurse refused to let me do rehab just because I use a wheelchair. Wish I'd known I could ask to see a different nurse who wasn't so biased. Write down every question you have, even if you think it seems trivial or embarrassing like "Is it safe to have sex? People just don't ask but it is important and GPs have heard it all before. Now that they know it's probably familial they should keep a close eye on him.

[SRDS in reply to Qualipop]

Thanks Qualipop. Brilliant idea! I will write my questions down.

[Qualipop in reply to SRDS]

Absolutely, otherwise you always come out thinking "Oh I forgot to ask".

Yes as others said, BHF helpline is really good too.

[SRDS in reply to Qualipop]

Thank you 😊

[New_valve]

I found the BHF helpline (together with my rehab nurse) invaluable after surgery. I was feeling very down as recovery seemed to be taking forever, but the nurse at the end of the helpline really helped me put this into perspective.

[SRDS in reply to New_valve]

Oh I forgot about BHF helpline! That is true. Thank you 😊

[Alison_L]

Hi SRDS. My cardiac rehab team referred me to my local IAPT for CBT. My GP had also mentioned it. I know many people on here have found CBT very helpful, although for me it was useless. Our brains all work differently with no "one size fits all", but it's worth trying anything on offer xx

[SRDS in reply to Alison_L]

Thank you Alison_L . This is very helpful. I will ask cardiac rehab about IAPT and CBT. xx

[LilLondon]

Hi,I had bypass last October , totally out of the blue. I’m a 54 year old fit female & it totally shock my family’s world. I had never been sick & seeing my husband & 2 boys worry made my recovery really hard as they just wanted to to be the old me. I’ve been seeing a cardiac psychologist as part of the rehab program & I can honestly say it’s been a game changer.

It’s a place to really discuss those dark fears & gain tools on how to move forward. The new me is different but better in so many ways.

I would urge you to seek out this support as it really has helped me.

Take care & good luck 😃

[HeartaFlutter]

I'm female 58, n ppl don't understand me also when I tell them IM REALLY TRAUMATIZED, I'm really emotional, sad, depressed, I'm single and have no family here. Yes I know the feelings your husband has, I feel violated, that I let myself down. In other words THIS IS NOT PART OF MY PLAN. I talk with my primary and he helps a lot. Just hug, him, love him listen to him. Send him my hugs

[SRDS in reply to HeartaFlutter]

Thanks Heartflutter Hugging you back x