Last week my great mate dropped down dead in his kitchen with a sudden heart attack. He hated the thought and mistrusted physicians to the extent he was 59 and avoided them like the plague. Furred up arteries was the cause we now know.
I’m finding it hard to have such a great human and friend die too young but know that is blokes especially will talk bikes, cars, sport, beer, pretty well anything but our own health worries.
So as it’s a new world for me now that my pal has gone, I ask all my friends and fellow readers and writers here to help a bloke you know open up (if he wants to) about himself and his worries.
I wish we were more like you wonderful women who naturally and helpfully discuss amongst yourselves anything and everything.
Cheers to the all survivors and keep talking. 🤔🤩
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Cigarboxblues
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So sorry to read about your friend, sometimes life really does kick us in the teeth. One of the beauties of our forum we all bring to the table different life experiences. The trouble is we have already had our heart events and it’s getting those that have a little problem to get it investigated, before it becomes like your friend to late.How do we do that? Haven’t got a clue! Just keep talking to the men and women who we know of the dangers of ignoring symptoms.
Again so very sorry for your loss,
Best wishes Pauline
Hi there,I'm so sorry your friend passed away so suddenly. I'm not sure whether it is a "man thing" or not where men avoid speaking about their own health? Maybe it is a wee bit? I think we still all need educated to know that it is ok to talk about your health !! We need more awareness/ campaigns/ adverts etc so that we all see it and hear it. If it manages to get a few people talking and then save a few lives then it's a good thing. All to often we just sail along never giving our health much thought until.something happens that changes things forever!! I wish I'd known how potentially seriously I was putting my health at risk every single day!!! , but I didn't!!! Until.i had a HA which was a massive wake up call!!! Im now living a completely different life. Keep talking everyone, and keep looking after yourselves. You get one life so make it matter.
in reply to
Mmmm. I don't really get it to be honest. I find it very difficult to understand how people mistrust and avoid at all costs hospitals and medical professionals who have made it their life's work to try and help them. There is a wealth of information available these days, far more than there ever was, and I can't really see how people can sail along as you put it, smoking and drinking to excess as two examples, without being aware of the consequences? I think a lot of people who have actually tried to look after themselves all their lives find it rather puzzling and maybe even unfair that they find themselves in the same club as those who have not done so? I don't think it is rocket science, really, is it? I also think it is some men who are very reluctant to seek help, I have no idea why I certainly have/would!
I know how it seems where it comes to acknowledging an issue that should be flagged up, I wish there were more like you with the attitude to go and seek an informed opinion.My pal had never smoked and always walked and cycled for exercise.
DNA might have been the biggest issue but who knows.
Thanks for replying.
“I” is the only one to feel the symptoms and “I” is the only one who can tell someone.
Hello, condolences on the loss of your friend. I hope your words help those who read or hear them open up when they need or should do.
I'm sorry for your loss, but you're right, men will talk about anything but their health worries. I worked as a patient transport driver for a number of years and a lot of my patients were men, but women do it too, who had put off going to a GP even though they knew something was wrong, and waited till they couldn't cope with the symptoms any longer before making an appointment. Quite a few admitted that it was a fear of finding out the truth that stopped them having investigations early on. It made me so angry that so many lives could have been saved if only they had got treatment sooner. Heart problems, cancer, and other life threatening illnesses don't get better if you ignore them, but with early diagnosis and treatment you can have many years of a more or less normal life. It's just persuading people to take that first step and make that appointment.
My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time. I think you are right and that men are reluctant to talk about their health issues. My brother-in-law is the same, albeit he opened up to me once and asked me not to tell my sister. I have respected his request as difficult as it is.
I have reached the conclusion that I wish we could all have an MOT, at say '50'. Our hearts are the most precious organ in the body and even though some of use do what we believe is right, we have no idea what's going on inside. An ECG takes a matter of minutes and costs nothing, just a few minutes of a nurse's time. An Echo or Angiogram at a certain time of our lives, would steer many of us out of danger and/or treat us early. Ultimately, early checks would not just save lives, but I feel it would reduce the costs to the NHS in the long run.
Do take great care of yourself and give that gorgeous Tabby a cuddle!
There are some measures in place. I had a "well man" check at 55, where my cholesterol was 4.9. With a family history of heart disease, I should have been told in no uncertain terms that it needed to be under 4, but I "passed". All I was told was to cut down on salt if possible (no reason given and my blood pressure was fine), this from a health professional who was the size of the back of a bus. Not much point having tests if the results are not acted upon is there? I do get your drift, but having an invasive procedure as a precautionary check is not feasible or sensible. what we need is even more focus on dietary advice being given from an early age, you only have to look at the increasing obesity problem in this country to see that things are only going to get worse. Schools need to play a part by re-introducing sports with more attention paid to exercise than sitting behind play stations. In Derbyshire our wonderful council went through a phase of discouraging sports events at school's because it was unfair on the losers of races - what can you say?
I get your drift, though neither ECG or Angiogram are invasive. I'm glad that in some areas there are early checks automatically done. Your cholesterol may be good, but you can still have arrhythmias that you are not aware of and an ECG can divulge a wealth of information about your heart. An Angiogram is a follow-up, should it be deemed necessary. That need not be invasive (I know they used to be), but many hospitals now have CT Angiograms. I agree 100% and more re exercise and diet. Discouraging sports events ..... I've heard it all now! Some of us believe we have done it all right/or perhaps as best we can only to find out we didn't or we didn't quite. But it's a case of other issues, not necessarily diet that we arrive at the dreadful situations we find ourselves in. They are silent. Myself, I had no idea and just let loads of symptoms pass me by for years. I guess I'm not the only one to find myself in that situation. I had to laugh ... 'the size of a bus' .... and there are so many around, professionals or not. Ever found yourself asking - why me?
Thanks for your reply, I must say I didn't really know what a CT Angiogram is, but just googled it and yes I tend to agree. With the prevalence of atherosclerosis it would be fantastic if they were available as a routine test, particularly where there is a family history. The one thing I have learned since my event and researching, is that this seems to be a very important factor, possibly the most important? I still feel a bit cheated due to the fact that, in my opinion, I should have been helped in taking drastic steps to reduce my cholesterol both dietary but probably more effectively with medication 5 years before I started to get Angina, and was very lucky to not have had a HA or worse. I do concede that my diet contained too much saturated fat, I was brought up on a very traditional meat and dairy based diet as were most people of my age, Roast beef for Sunday lunch, Roast beef sandwiches for tea and then toast and dripping for Breakfast and so on, topped off by the cold left overs on Monday evening with chips cooked in a pan of lard or whatever the block of stuff was my mum used to put in the chip pan. However I have exercised all my life, always been slim and thought I was doing just fine, as confirmed, so yes I do sometime think "why me", but really the question is "why not me"! It is hard to bear sometimes though, when you look around at people who still smoke and drink to excess and seem to get away with it all their life. You even get people on here who are still smoking after having a HA or other heart problem, unbelievable. The sad thing is, we are heading for even worse problems unless something is done about the awful proliferation of fast food crap and the increasing obesity problem which seems to be becoming a trend and not even frowned upon any more. I believe it is now non-PC to call someone fat? We will need 5 of these forums in 20 years time to cope with the number of posts.
Thanks a lot! I can understand you feeling as you do. My LDL is around 4.1 and I've been pestered to take cholesterol inhibiting drugs. I regret, I refuse quite categorically. If someone would explain/give me the results in detail about my CT Angiogram, it might make a difference, but they won't tell me. So, what I did is 'research' and found that if you take 'Kyolic' Aged Garlic it can help clear your arteries. Please do look it up. It is grown/produced in the USA. I found last year I was taking them on an empty stomach and reduced the dose, but am back up to 4 capsules a day. I shall ask in the Spring for a fasting blood test to see if there has been any improvement. I had no idea (I must be dim!), that included with 'processed' foods - are ready made meals. Absolutely broke, I was buying the reduced stuff! Then I took note and also looked at the content of chemicals, etc etc. I don't do that any more and so if I haven't got any money, I just go without or make do with my home made soups, etc.
As I can't drive for a while yet, I am walking 15 miles a week (I know the distance, because I would usually drive) and I have no intention of giving that up, though would be happy to drop to 10 miles a week (much of it uphill!) as I shall be more active in the garden.
You are right, I see where I am. Someone's belly is down to his knees - such a shame. Some folk will never learn/change and that's sad. I thought I had done everything right, from swimming a mile a week for years (until 2004), walking, climbing in North Wales with a friend, landscaping, etc etc. and yet ..... ! As I said though, some signs were there and I just carried on. I think we are of the same era!
I think you should think very carefully about your decision, for your own sake. You need to reduce that figure and I have to say I have no faith whatsoever in these so called "natural" remedies and so on, particularly looking at the price tag. certainly not unless there is a reliable long term trial undertaken backed my medical opinion (and not necessarily US based either) I fear a lot of these manufacturers are just seeking to make profit out of the problem, but it is your choice. All I can say is that I went through a period of not taking the Statin and concentrated on very strict dietary attempts to lower my cholesterol which failed I am afraid. Statins were developed and researched for 10 years, the longest ever I believe, and personally I have faith in both the medical profession and the drugs themselves. Why can you not get an explanation of the CT scan? surely the purpose is to determine if there are narrowed arteries or not, were there any? They are not allowed to "not tell you", you have a right to see your records! Your last post alludes to you having a bit of a negative attitude towards the professionals involved, please do not let that jeapordise your health. BTW if you can cook home made soup you can cook fresh meals, ready made ones are mostly awful as demonstrated by the nations waistlines. I don't think it is being Dim I think it is being influenced by the likes of M&S telling us to "be good to yourself" by eating their crap fat and sugar laden ready meals!
Thank you very much. I do understand where you are coming from, but I was on Statins some years ago and I really struggled with my memory. I can't go down those lines again. I am having to walk miles and carry shopping - uphill downhill, etc. etc. Thankfully the Pacemaker has allowed me not just to walk the 1 mile (bar a couple of hundred yards - as I took a short cut), but then climbed 39 steps up the bank and they are steep. I never stopped once. So far in the 3 weeks I have walked 45 miles. I plan to keep up the walking to say 10 miles a week when I am allowed to drive. That can only but help. I am conscious of my diet every single day. I'm tired of the NHS, I really am and it seems to upset them if I ask. I only ever ask because everything they tell you is scanty/half baked and it is none of your business. I shall just leave it for now.
I am sorry to read of the loss of your pal, it must have been a big shock to you.Sadly it isn’t just men who keep everything to themselves and don’t seek help in time. The last 18 months will have seen many people putting off a visit to the GP and glossing over their symptoms with the inevitable consequences. The reduction in face to face consultations will also have had a knock-on effect.
My hubby had his first HA at the age of 58 having ignored symptoms himself for a long time. I remember afterwards many people (both friends and acquaintances) asking him about his symptoms etc when he said he had had a HA. He didn’t learn a lesson though and ignored signs that things were going wrong again, until he felt really unwell, had another HA and was sent to our local hospital for tests, where he was given the option of staying in hospital to have a CABGX4 within the next month!
He’s ‘doing ok’ now but still obviously still ignores things that are happening and don’t feel quite right!
The NHS are there to help if and when you get a warning big enough (for that person) to do g to e right thing a call for help, they can’t help those who won’t help themselves.I’m very glad to hear of you friends recovery and hope that continues.
I’m cheered by all the messages and know I’ve learned a salutary lesson about ‘the fear of a white coat’ and it’s repercussions.
There’s also the problem of getting appointments with GPs. I waited in a queue the phone for over an hour yesterday only to be told no appointments left - try again tomorrow. Is it any wonder Urgent Care and A and E departments are swamped? Still trying to get my chronic cough ( ongoing for almost 6 months) sorted. GP not doing tests due to Covid and respiratory clinic at hospital have just cancelled my appointment as GP’s referral didn’t include test results!
Our GP surgery were appalling during lock-down and have only just started doing face to face where absolutely necessary. The recorded message lasted nearly 5 minutes and was basically telling you not to go anywhere near them. Made me laugh that Dentists were involved in the NHS pay rise arguments when most of them disappeared down rabbit holes for most of the crisis.
sorry for the loss of your friend, I almost lost my closest friend only through a stroke a few years ago and fully understand what you're saying about having the confidence to talk through things and also speak up when you think they're maybe pushing too hard or you have concerns about their health. We can choose our friends not our family but either way it's best to talk out. Hope you manage to get through the loss of a dear friend and that you've someone to talk things through with. Look after yourelf.
I never really have words to console the loss of some one special (friend, family or pet).
I would only say that it sounds like your friend died having lived the life he wanted - and in truth, I think that's how all of us want things to be. He has, and will continue to contribute to your life, and the lives of others who knew him, in ways that are maybe not fully clear yet.
Good luck in trying to work through this immense loss - we are here to talk to at any time.
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