W T A F

[MattUK]

Not posted for a while.. but I’m gonna post tonight because as always I bet someone else out there feels the same and wants a warm feeling they are not alone.. no? Oh well.

Heart attack in April, 2 stents, 49 last month, living with partner with severe complex PTSD, unable to work, unable to claim benefits due to our system, me working in a job that ultimately I hate but I have to work to cover two.

I don’t care about a n y t h I n g any more

Not after support .. but I really can’t see anything worth bothering with

[kefalonia1]

Hi, speak to the BHF nurses they will give you the support you need and get you in touch with people who can help. The Samaritans are always there to listen at any time of the day or night you don't have to be suicidal to talk to them!!! You DO need support, please find some to improve your quality of life honey. Let us know how you get on, don't drown in someone elses misery, take care, Sue

[benjijen]

Many of us are carers and it really becomes overwhelming at times. Carers UK have a help line and may be able to help with the benefit issue as well. You need a break so can your partner's family help by taking them in for a week or so, or maybe stay with them whilst you get away somewhere?

[mistymolly]

I know exactly how you feel. I didn't have a heart attack but have a rare heart problem which leaves me struggling on a daily basis. I became the breadwinner. I was scared. I felt sooo alone. I just wanted my very fit husband to make a reasonable effort in securing employment. Was that too much to ask from a sick wife and children to support? Obviously yes!! We both couldn't live with each other as both wanted the other to change so we went our separate ways. He's not a bad person but lacked motivation. I still continue to struggle and wish he had made an effort so I really feel your pain. Hang on in there and sit down with your partner and talk and talk and talk. Let them know how you are feeling. Best of luck

[Hidden]

I’m hoping that in the light of day and after feeling the love of everyone who has read your post that you feel a bit brighter today Matt. Life gives us challenges at times but how you feel at the moment won’t last forever. Sending you ❤️

[siouxbee19]

Just reiterating what everyone else said...you are not alone and people do care! Please do reach out for support, you are so needed, loved, and you are here for a purpose. Never doubt that! Please let us know how you are doing...🙏♥️

[MattUK]

Thanks everyone.. I love this forum so supportive thank you

[Adaboo]

I have no wise words to make you feel better, so I’ll send you a virtual hug! xo

[Amikatari]

Hi Matt, I'm sending you warm wishes and a virtual hug. It sounds very difficult for you and your partner. Can I just check - have you seen an advice worker (eg. at the CAB) for advice on benefits? If not, please do. They can check whether you are entitled to any benefits based on your current situation, and also based on what your situation would be if you gave up work or reduced your hours. If you want to ask me anything about benefits, you're welcome to send me a private message. I was an advice worker for 12 years.

As others have said, you are a carer, which is very stressful, and it sounds to me like you might be suffering from depression. Have you sought any help with your own mental health? You may feel like it's 'nothing' compared to your partner's mental illness, but your mental health is just as important, and it might be worth having a chat with your GP. Or you can refer yourself for NHS counselling in some areas. You can check here to see if it's available in your area: nhs.uk/service-search/Psych... Or your GP could refer you for counselling if the self-referral system doesn't cover your area.

Best wishes, Cathy

[MattUK in reply to Amikatari]

Hello Cathy, thanks for your detailed reply.

Wow you hit on so many heads.. I’m told and I’ve not dug too deeply but because we are engaged then due to my salary (70k) it cancels out all benefits and it’s basically tough shit.

I speak to a councillor of my own who does help me get perspective - as always when something goes wrong everything seems to go wrong, right now I feel like I’ve sunk beyond what I can deal with any more, when stuff that should bother you now makes you laugh because what’s the worst they can do, fill your boots then yes I worry but I lack the motivation or desire to fix it, yes I’m posting which suggests I have a tiny bit of me that cares and I guess that’s the partner otherwise I’d be quite happy to check out tomorrow

[Amikatari in reply to MattUK]

Hey Matt, yes, it's true of course that a 70k salary means you and your partner aren't eligible for any means-tested benefits. But not all benefits are means-tested (eg. PIP - some people can get it even when working). It might be worth getting some advice on whether your partner is eligible for anything non-means-tested based on her disability needs or on National Insurance contributions she may have previously paid, and also if you meet the criteria for any disability benefits yourself. And if you're not really well enough to work but forcing yourself anyway, it's worth checking whether you would meet the current criteria for sickness benefit (ESA) if you were to resign on medical grounds. Or if your partner was successfully awarded PIP for care needs, you might then have the option of giving up work and claiming benefit on the basis of being her carer. All this depends on so many factors - and also on whether a huge drop in income, as benefits are pretty low, would be tolerable for you - but there is a lot of detail on benefitsandwork.co.uk

Sending best wishes, and I hope you're enjoying the weekend.

[Lezzers]

Hi MattUK, I too am a carer. It's always so much harder when the nights get dark so early & the nights last so much longer, particularly when you've been poorly yourself. I would definitely do as amikatari has suggested and seek help both for your finances & your own mental health, you too are important. Best wishes, I hope things improve for you soon.

Lesley

[smallgoodpat22]

hi matt, so sorry to hear youre struggling surelyyou are entitled to carers benefit, hugs pat

[Maisiemay13]

Hi I hope you are in a better place this morning ? I am not fully aware of the benefit system only know that when I really did need it never got any help so understand your frustration,please go and seek advice do not give up.

Sending warm wishes to you both

[MattUK in reply to Maisiemay13]

Thank you .. yes it’s a sad state of affairs it feels like.

How I see it, those of us who live our lives in line with what’s expected, pay our taxes, help others, we are the first to get screwed over.

It seems it’s far better to not pay your way, claim for everything, take from others and be lazy

Clearly I took the wrong route