I thought it might be useful to have a post around how people feel post event.. since sometimes I feel really crappy and then feel guilty for feeling it but then I get told it’s normal to have this for some time; so I thought a thread so others who may not be so confident to post can get comfort.
I’m 48, thought I was fairly healthy and certainly never expected to be here.
Now I’m here.
One day, I’m fine with everything, no worries.
Another day, full of worry; financial worries, why didn’t I take out that extra insurance.. why didn’t I do this or that, now I’m forced to work but I don’t want to or I’m scared or I don’t know what
Another day, I’m gonna die soon so what’s the point.. twinge here, pain there, is it a heart attack I don’t know, is it angina,I don’t know
Another day .. a fu*k it day, I’m gonna simplify stuff everything sell up and run away
Now I know a lot of that will go away and I seem currently to be able to tell myself the feelings will pass.. plus the support of my partner is key.
But anyway .. I’m not asking for anything I just want people to know that if you feel any of this then you are not on your own .. we humans love to worry. Feel free to share what other guilty negative stuff goes through your head.. I’m sure you’re not alone
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MattUK
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Good explanation for post HA blues, I feel exactly the same, it changes from day to day, I’m about 4 months post HA, it helps taking to other people who’ve also had a HA, just being around them at cardiac rehab made me feel better, my misses is not the most sympathetic type so she stops me moaping around to much. A few weeks after my heart attack I had to put my dog to sleep, cut a long story short, we got a puppy a couple of weeks ago and he’s really cheered me up, he’s loads of heart healthy fun, plenty of dog walking, training him also takes my mind off my HA, instead of laying in bed every morning contemplating my life I’m now up and downstairs sorting out the dog before work, I’m feeling better at the moment but the event is still at the back of my mind, maybe it always will be, hopefully time will sort it out after all time is the best healer, or so I’m told
Hi Matt, yiu have just described exactly how I feel. 2 months post HA! I feel a lot better than I did physically, but the mental scars are there and keep popping back occasionally to remind me! My HA came mid job change as I was working my notice and so the whole financial worry cripples me, I also have a 50-74% blocked lad which again I worry about when that will fully block and can’t get into my head the cardiologist telling me if I change my lifestyle take my tablets he won’t see me back! I have the best wife in the planet who listens and sits and tells me.... I have you here Dave it’s all I want the rest is material!!! It gives me the kick up the backside I need to realise I have to live to keep her and my wonderful kids happy. My mental state has improved since HA and I’m hoping it will get better still! Rehab is a massive help and I’ve lost 1 3/4 stone in 8 weeks and cut all the crap out my diet! I’m running cycling and walking miles! I want to live long and I’m doing all I can to make that happen!
I feel for you mate, the job change will certainly add worry especially around sick pay etc. I was in process of 3rd stage interview for a new job that I really really wanted but I decided to withdraw after being told I may need further surgery as I didn’t want any additional worry or stress or let down the new company.
But we’re still here! And we’re fighting
It’s interesting.. it’s like things always happen at once.. so I was worrying about money and decided to transfer some funds from an Amex card to my PayPal account for that comfort feeling, Amex then called me suspended all my accounts and are doing a full financial review on me, just what I don’t need.
I’ve parked it in my head, and ultimately I will tell Amex to shove their review and close my accounta
That's what I was told to, two partial blockages in LAD and the one next to it after they stented 2100% blockages in the artery behind the heart. Did a pressure test and said blood was flowing ok but I still just can't get those two blockages out of my mind plus the fact that I'm disabled and can't get any exercise. I have days when I feel fine but more when I feel awful and drag myself around and wonder why I bother. I think everyone needs something to aim for that they can succeed at. When I became disabled and spent 9 months bedridden, the one thing that got me going again was when someone bought me a set of watercolours and paper. I could paint lying down. I joined an online art group, started entering their amateur little competitions and started winning. Being invited to the House of Lords for winning a bigger competition really forced me out of bed and to start living again. Be it art or a puppy, we all need something to aim at.
Nor did I but I won several and ended up taking commissions. The point is everyone needs something to aim at be it running a marathon, writing a book, a poem, art orwhatever. My biggest ambition was to be able to judge my breed at Crufts. I'd been invited and I really didn't think I could get through it but I did even though it put me in bed for a week afterwards. I haven't judged since but if you are determined and have a goal you can achieve darn near anything you want. My goal right now is to be able to walk the 20 yards to the end of our street and back.
Have a look at he website "Painters Online" _ Great advice and support for beginners. You can post pictures of your art and get suggestions on how to improve. They also have lots of "how to" advice.
Thank you for highlighting the issues. I think both patients and healthcare professionals totally underestimate the psychological and emotional impact that cardiac events have on the individual. The emotional rollercoaster that we ride is tumultuous to say the least! My HA was 2 years ago and it felt like I faced an abyss every day. But those days are much fewer. I still have the odd dark days but they are much less. I had counselling and saw a health psychologist as well both helped in different ways. It’s interesting everyone says you look so well and you’re fixed now. On the outside maybe...As others have said we are alive. My mantra is I cannot change my past but can control my future. Thank you for posting. Wishing you and everyone else well in your recovery. Sending positive thoughts and hugs. Zena
The emotional pain we feel from the fallout from our various cardiac events is as you say overlooked, invisible and hidden within.
Matt you have indeed raised a very important issue.
Great Post Matt. I can relate to so much of what you have said there. All my life, I've worried about so many things I could write a Book. Why though? It doesn't do us any good at all so I am trying to have a more 'Positive' outlook. This Site helps a lot mind I have to say. Who knows though, feeling alright today, maybe tomorrow it'll be different. We've just got to accept it though. It's just Life!!
My mantra is "what you are feeling right now is already in the past". The next minute, hour, day or year will be something completely new so why worry about what's gone. Doesn't always work but I try.
I am right there with you although my circumstances are different. I have PAD and some stuff in my LAD.
Every time I have a blood test it raises an issue I’m not expecting, is there serious liver disease or CKD.
The latest is after an mri for a shoulder impingement, is a referral to the breast clinic as my lymph nodes are swollen. I got the news 10 days before our son’s wedding.
People tell me how “well you look” and honestly l feel dreadful and sick with worry most of the time now the wedding is over. We are off to Porto for a few days which will be good to distract me. I do try to keep a lid on it and have only just told my closest friend. No need to worry anyone extra.
I don’t suppose there’s an answer. I feel often that these are my good days and that the HA and stroke and god knows what else is coming. Do best to enjoy life as it is today.
I feel incredibly lucky to be here post HA. I quickly remind myself of that fact if I ever feel any doubts or anxiety creeping in. I know it's simplistic but I find that I can otherwise 'over think' the situation with no benefits for having done so i.e. I am not going to worry myself better!
Your definitely not alone in how your feeling, had my HA in 2016 at age 49 had all the same thoughts and feelings as yourself pretty much. If I'm honest I'm still struggling with the whole situation, on the odd day I do feel ok I feel guilty about it because I know I'm just not the same as I was. I sometimes think it would be easier if I didn't survive, just got to carry on I suppose, hopefully everything will fall into place soon.
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Thanks everyone for your replies…..
