Hospital terror

[barniecroft]

Being in hospital recently with a HA. I became suddenly aware of what a hospital wimp i am. Just eating and being there was just a terror for me on top of my heart attack. I found some staff pleasant but some not so friendly. Having to ask questions was difficult and even having a shower seemed an ordeal. I keep asking myself if I have lived a sheltered life and I can't say I have. I'm from a working class background and have a family and I know life can be generally difficult. I think I am just someone who naturally is afraid in situations like a hospital environment. Part of my worries now is that if/when i go back to hospital I will endure all this again, it haunts me. When I am there I feel like I am in prison and helpless. I think my outlook is wrong and if I have seen life through rose tinted spectacles all my life then this is why things are such a shock. The problem is I think I was born with those rose tinted spectacles fitted. Has anyone else had these feelings and found a way to cope with them and having to go back into hospital

[sam295]

Don't worry you are not alone, I have been in and out of hospital several times and it is not really a pleasant experience. However, this is a process you are going through and be aware there are loads of folk in the same boat. Take it easy, I have found several forums on the internet very helpful as I too am on a steep learning curve.

[Inamoment]

I've always liked my hospital stays. Lovely staff, friendly patients. I have always found the food quite acceptable. The guy who took me home from the Brompton said he had had people who were upset they had to go home

[Fortepiano]

You're not a wimp. Many people have fear / anxiety about hospitals, and it's not surprising you felt this with such an unexpected and frightening recent admission as a heart attack - your feelings about the hospital are inevitably mixed up with your fears and anxieties about your health. Both will normalise given time, but it is very important to let doctors and nurses know about your fear. Your fear also seems to be associated with not having control over your situation - feeling like a prisoner. Sometimes it's hard to accept that you have to hand over control to the professionals who really do know best and who are all working to help you.

I remember when my husband was first ill many years ago the hospital seemed a very alien and frightening place where we absolutely didn't want to be. In many ways the fear was part of grief at the surprise onset of serious illness. A hospital stay is never going to be a bundle of fun, but nowadays boredom is the worst problem, and I view my hospital as the 'mother-ship' which will look after me!

In a way it's a sort of cognitive behavioural therapy: I have found it easier to deal with the medicalisation of our lives by reframing hospitals as places where I marvel at the high-tech machines, feel gratitude to all the people there who have helped us both, and have confidence that if I need admission again they will help us once more. I also enjoy meeting other patients!

When you do your cardiac rehab do talk about your fears with the nurses, and perhaps try to go back to the hospital to take some biscuits / thank- you card to the ward to normalise it a bit - even have a coffee in the café! Hopefully if you look after your health (and follow your doctor's advice!) you won't have much to do with hospitals in the future, but it's worth dealing with the fear anyway.

If you do have another stay in hospital I also recommend talking over your feelings with one of the chaplains. It doesn't matter if you have no faith, they are always helpful and supportive.

[barniecroft in reply to Fortepiano]

Thank you very much. your words have really helped and supported me and given me a new way of looking at things. I will come back to look at your words when I need a bit of reassuring. Thank you again

[Nanny72]

Having worked as nurse and,midwife for 40,years I,hate being in hospital. I become the patient from hell. I don't eat, I can't sleep and I question everything. I spent two,weeks in January having a valve replacement, 8 days on a ventilator. Still having horrendous flashbacks. Have taken chocolates, cards and visited the wards.

Petrified I may have to go in again. The hospital have offered counselling but am refusing at the moment.

Rehab nurses were great, I had delivered their babies.

Hope you get the help you need.

Very small thing but I desperately missed my dog. Everyone else could visit. For me I think it was not being in control and having to put my life in another persons hands

[Hidden]

Hi there

You are not alone. I think that its down to an element of losing control. We all have some say over our own lives normally, but when we're in hospital we totally lose that control and even more so we have to give control over our bodies and in effect our life to others.

The suggestion that you talk to one of the BHF nurses or at rehab is an excellent one. Have you asked your GP to see if there is any counselling available in your area for recovering HA patients?

Good luck in your recovery, just remember that you are not alone and there are some wise people on these forums happy to help

D

[wiltsgirl]

Hi Barniecroft, I agree with what everyone has said. I am thankful that each hospital stay for me has been fine, nice staff, good food and everyone happy to answer questions. I was in hospital waiting for a bypass for two weeks, I know someone who waited 5 weeks! I got through it by keeping myself busy, reading, watching TV that sort of thing. I wonder if perhaps you could volunteer in a hospital and this may give you a different insight. Only, of course if you can, but it may help. Just a suggestion. Good luck and welcome to the forum x

[barniecroft]

Thanks for all the positive comments, some great suggestions for me to think about