I have a odd question,
I'm having a pulmonary valve replacement in the very near future.
I've been contemplating writing some goodbye letters to my family.
I wondered if anyone else had considered this and/or had done it?
I know the risk is nominal but it's still there.
Hi Simon,
I underwent a quad CABG about 18 months ago and I wrote such letters. In my opinion in any surgery of this type it is worthwhile even though as you say the risk is minimal.
good luck with your surgery
Mark
Thank you Mark.
I've told my wife I was thinking of this.
That's help me in my decision. These won't be easy to write 😕
Agreed not the easiest things to write, I did bits and pieces over the four days I had between being told I needed the op and the op itself whilst in hospital. Such a noisy place in the dead of night allowed me to draft then
Hi Simon,
I agree it`s not the easiest to do but I would recommend that you discuss your wishes with your family as this would take some of the pressure of them if something was to go wrong.
Despite there only being a minimal risk thing can go wrong as I have personal experience of. Admitted into hospital for a angiogram/plasty laid on the table everything was going fine first stent in, going for a second then all went black woke up in recovery room found out later that I had a full occlusion cardiac arrest, only the skill of the consultant in clearing the blockage saved my life.
Wouldn`t have said goodbye to my family.
Regards
Steve
I underwent PVR last summer fo fallots. Truthfully did think about this but chose not too. Instead I chose to have open conversations about what I would want next with my parents, this covered both outcomes. We spoke clearly about the fact I wanted to be an organ donor as far as possible and that I would rather they were open to switching off life support if I had a large stroke on the table rather than continue to fight for. (This may sound odd but I am severely disabled in a number of ways and my brain is actually one of the few things that work normally- stroke damage would have alter QOL significantly and basically rendered me dependant for the remainder of my life). Equally we spoke about everything I wanted to do when it was a success. This I felt was as important as reminded them how much I really wanted to go through it and regain hobbies and interests I had lost to my condition. So like we set a date for our next family holiday, decided when I was going travelling and set a goal as to when I would return to competitive sports. So no I never told them “Good bye” but I did ensure direction on what happened next.
This sort of thing crossed my mind at the time when I was at my lowest ebb - usually in the middle of the night lying in a hospital ward and being unable to sleep (I was in for a week ahead of the op). I had moments when I thought I wouldn't make it but those were mercifully very rare moments - most of the time I was just convinced I'd come out the other side (and if I didn't I would be none the wiser anyway!). Oddly, it seemed more important post op to sort a few things out which we (my wife and I) have done since I got home again.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. I stayed positive and decided not too commit pen to paper, but I did think about it!
Good luck with the op
Steve
In my case my cardiologist said that my condition was very serious and that if I had not written my will I should do so. At this stage I had just been diagnosed with endocarditis and also that I had a valve issue and that I would need an AVR within the month. My will was in fact already written but prior to surgery I asked our lawyer to draw up a power of attorney should it be required. I wanted to make things as straight forward as possible for my husband. Luckily it was not.
I did discuss writting letters to my husband and kids but felt that was too negative at the time and decided against it. I was not planning to died. I think many of us have such worries particularly in the the wee small hours that are so long and lonely.
Best wishes with your operation .Whatever decision you make in this case it will be the right one.
100 % agree with Steve I have also thought about it, but decided against definite Personal Choice.
Regards Frank W
Mary Janet nice post understand your post very thoughtful and sums up most of our situations.
Regards
Frank W
I'm having PVR sometime in May - got the call today to talk dates - and honestly this has crossed my mind. Don't really know what to do.
I'm thinking if I write them, do I tell anyone? That sounds like admitting defeat (when there's no need as the risk is, as you say, minimal). Do I write them, not tell anyone, and risk them being found? Or leave it?
Also, I'm going to be off work for 3 months or so, so planning a thing/night out, and when they said 'leaving do' I was like 'nope, don't call it that, I'll be back'.
Hi Andrew, its a difficult choice to make.
When I wrote mine I was in hospital, they were letters and I attached them to an email which I sent to my wife, only to be opened in the event of..sort of thing. My wife is terribly good at keeping secrets, not poking around and I knew she would only ever look if the need arose. If you do decide to write have you a place/person you can leave them to be found?
I sorted out all my life insurance policies ect so my kids could find them easily. It made ME feel better knowing there would be less hassle if things went bad. Almost 2 years on and life is so good now 😀. Good luck Simon
Hi Simon
Yes do it! I had a heart attack last June unfortunately whilst away on holiday. My wonderful partner was with me but each time I went to theatre and when he left at night for the first few days I wrote letters to him and made a video. It really helped me to focus on saying everything I needed to say as well as focusing on being positive. It helped my recovery. Since then I have sorted out my will and funeral. And that has helped enormously in my recovery strange though it may sound. Good luck with everything. Stay positive and focus on your recovery. Take care
Zena
Hallo Simon. Best of luck. I did write or speak to everyone who I loved to tell them I loved them. Also to everyone I was still in touch with who i felt had wronged me during my life to say I forgave them. Also to all those I felt I may have wronged, to ask for their forgiveness. Clare
I did make phone call to my son in South Africa making sure he knew how proud I was and how much I loved him . I did this with friends , my daughter and hubby ,
I also made the cardiac surgeon aware that if I was down more than 20 mins they were to let me go , that I wanted Quality not Quanity of life , he was surprised abd said I was young 57 but I’m a trained nurse .
I must admit his didn’t cross my mind probably because I didn’t get much time to think, I certainly am thinking about it now after reading this.
What would happen to the letters when you return home after a sucesfull operation ?
The closest I came to thinking like this was when one of the team came to see me before my op and asked if I wished to be resuscitated I replied of coarse I blxxdy do I’m only 55, as he left the chap in the opposite bed looked shocked and more concerned than I was which could of been because I still owed him a fiver from our game of cards.
It’s not an odd question in my opinion. I had an AVR in Jan. I had the same thought although I didn’t do it in the end. Personal choice I guess. I did however make sure my Will was updated. All the best. Phil
Hi I haven't written any good byes, but have directed my Wife at all my personal details, so it will make things a bit easier (if anything were to happen to me). I have also spoken to my Wife and children and told them how much I love them.
Good luck with your surgery I am sure the risk is minimal but it makes you more aware of your mortality. Nobody is promised tomorrow and you could just as easily get run over or other such accident. You may find that although it is a hard thing to do it could help you through the process
I’ve just had a valve replacement but before a stunt I nearly did. I said goodbye to a lot of freinds and my stepdads and gdad.
I think if it eases your mind and enables you to go into this procedure calmly, yes, do it!
Keep the letters afterwards - it will make you appreciate every day.
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