Scared Facing Open Heart Surgery Alone

So it's 1.30 am and no sleep worrying about my op on 30th October., with no one other than this website to share my thoughts with.

I've had months and months of anxiously waiting whilst feeling increasingly weak and dispirited. Kept a brave face looking after my autistic teenage daughter and my son for half of each week and being the main carer for my mum that lives four hours away. Arranged my step dads funeral earlier this year and holding down a stressful job.

I plod along keeping that stiff upper lip with it all under control....

Except it's not I'm desperately lonely and face a massive operation with no one by my side to say it'll be ok, a hug , a smile.

I've spent so much time looking after others I've neglected to nurture those close friendships, special people I can turn to when I need to.

No one should face cancer alone but what about heart failure!!

17 Replies

  • Hello Sarum,

    Awwwww bless you Sarum please let me start by saying you are so very brave ❤❤❤ and we sound similar in so many ways,its such a massive op its hard to face it anyway.

    There are so many special people on here who will only send you well wishes, caring advice and help you through any worry.

    I had a very busy life before my op with my mum being ill and looking after her, i have a 15yr old too

    I had a gathering with my friends and told them all how frightened i was, they were with me every step of the way and even 7 weeks on, they are here for me.

    You will pleasantly surprised how caring your circle becomes for you.

    Bless you

    Sending warm caring thoughts,

    Jenny x

  • Thanks for your words of support Jenny. Feeling quite low about it all and morbid thoughts nag away at me but guess I just need to get through it, I know when I come out the other side I'll feel brighter and hopefully with renewed energy can focus on my own welfare and nurture those friendships I've been neglecting.

    Glad you're on the mend.



  • Hi Sarum....I feel your pain and fear of the op.

    And it is so obvious that the caring nature you have has been selfless and I recognise that realisation when you need someone to be there by your have to stop and think who? Our 'stiff upper lip' stops us from asking even those we know a little because we think it won't be of interest to them.

    I ask that you please find the number for your local HF community team and let the team leader know you need even a little support and encouragement. This is part of their role in the community and also a good starting point.

    Also have a look to find 'near to me' on this forum people who suffer heart failure and get in touch.

    sometimes we do have to 'open up' to others as to what we are going through.....and I really, really hope you do the above.

    Thinking of you - take care Sarum and stay in touch.

  • Thanks for your kind words of support. How do I find out about my local HF Community Team?



  • Hi sarum, echoing the two replies, try and find the number for your local hf community, try the BHF helpline as well they may be able to put you in touch 0300 330 3311. I know its not the same as friends and families but we are a tight group here as well and will help as much as we can.

    The op, the surgeons the nurses and support staff are brilliant, you will sail through that part, then if course there is the recovery, that's tough im not going to sugar coat it. You're a strong person, you show that by your family and the way you care for them. It'll be hard but we are all behind you and here to support you whenever you need it.

    Take care and a massive hug


  • Thanks for your support, I'll ring BHF on Monday.



  • Hello, just wanted to join the others in saying welcome. Some great advice above. Sometimes those outside your immediate circle can be the best support, I'm sure your HF community team will be able to help. And there will always be someone here who can empathise with you, pretty much 24/7. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel, you might be surprised who comes through for you. I found some of my work colleagues to be amazingly supportive when I was struggling. I'd only ever seen them in the office before but suddenly they became good friends. People will have noticed how caring you are and will want to help, you might just need to let them know you need it. Thinking of you and sending lots of love xxx

  • Thanks so much for your supportive words.



  • Hi Sarum

    I echo the thoughts and sound advice on previous replies. Fingers crossed you will get wonderful support from your local hf group. Even though you feel you have neglected friendships, true friends will step up to the plate, just ask them.

    I am having my surgery on 29th October, a day later than planned as my surgeon is on holiday next week.

    We will be travelling the road to recovery together so keep in touch as and when you can so we can swap notes and support one another.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs,

    Dory xxx❤️💕❣️

  • Cheers Dory, hope all goes well for you on 29th.

    i'll make sure I stay in touch.



  • Dear Sarum, people on this forum are really kind and caring, like yourself. My mum always said 'you reap what you sow', so I'm sure all those you have been caring for will be there for you in return. Let them know how you are feeling, there's no shame in being scared. I'm terrified and I haven't got a date yet! So, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you are almost starting the journey.

    Take care, and best wishes.


  • Thanks Margaret

    All the best


  • Hello

    Quite a few of us have been through the Op and come out the other side feeling Good. The advice you have been given is excellent and I for one don't feel I can add anything more. Do phone your Community Heart Team they are dedicated and have a very good knowledge/understanding of exactly what you have described. Your not alone in the way you feel I expect the majority of us have been through it, and come out the other end with a will to live life to the full.

    With Warmest Regards

  • Thanks for your supportive words

    cheers Phil

  • Hi Sarum I am new to this site but I can tell you the support on here is amazing , iv not had my op yet or got a date but am so anxious just waiting . I'm lucky to have an amazing supportive family and friends im so sorry you dont have that, but everyone on here is your friend and will support you completely. We are all here for you, take care xx

  • Thank you, hope you get a date soon. I'm in Papworth too.

    cheers Phil

  • I'm under Papworth too! No wonder there is a big waiting list!!!

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