So it's 1.30 am and no sleep worrying about my op on 30th October., with no one other than this website to share my thoughts with.
I've had months and months of anxiously waiting whilst feeling increasingly weak and dispirited. Kept a brave face looking after my autistic teenage daughter and my son for half of each week and being the main carer for my mum that lives four hours away. Arranged my step dads funeral earlier this year and holding down a stressful job.
I plod along keeping that stiff upper lip with it all under control....
Except it's not I'm desperately lonely and face a massive operation with no one by my side to say it'll be ok, a hug , a smile.
I've spent so much time looking after others I've neglected to nurture those close friendships, special people I can turn to when I need to.
No one should face cancer alone but what about heart failure!!