late diagnosis

[Artyliz]

I was recently diagnosed as an older adult and although it was liberating initially im finding it hard processing it all

[QuietButBold]

Dear Artyliz, thank you for sharing your news here and for explaining how you are feeling about things as you think things through around your diagnosis.

Welcome.

In case you have not found this collection of information about "After Diagnosis" - you might find it reassuring to see the descriptions of how many people can experience things - as they learn more about all the new information following their diagnosis (in case the link does not work properly, the search parameters to use are "National Autistic Society After Diagnosis"):

autism.org.uk/advice-and-gu...

There is quite a lot to explore - Autism is a large topic - but there is no need to rush the pace of things. You are still "you". Everyone should be able to take their time learning more about Autism and what it means to them as a person.

i quite like videos or podcasts to help reflect upon new guidance and to think about how other people describe their experience learning later in life about Autism. Below is an example video by Orion Kelly "Navigating Late Diagnosis for Autistic Adults". It uses quite a "straight to the point" conversation style - which might be helpful when you are coming to terms with what all the diagnosis news might mean:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=dyFiF...(Not working as expected?)

It is helpful to understand and appreciate that the Autistic Community is a broad group of individuals - with some things shared in common and other aspects of their life may be unique to the individual.

There is no "perfect Autistic presentation" anyone needs to live up to - each person contributes their unique qualities to the inclusive Autistic Community, or wider Neurodivergent Community, or society as a whole.

Many Autistic people may also be known for being of more than one Neurodivergent presentation - such as Autism plus ADHD or Dyslexia. It need not be about "labels" or diagnosis - more; it can be about getting to know people and understanding what each other experience and how we might help each other navigate life's challenges - in support of our way to thrive.

At first, there is also quite a lot of new terminology and sensitivity around language choice to learn about too. It can take a while to absorb all of that and navigate through the shared ideas and strategies which might best resonate with you and how you experience life.

Perhaps it can be helpful to think of "post Autism diagnosis" as something to grow into - to refine over time as suits the individual - rather than something which should happen all at once due to a formal diagnosis.

It ought not to feel like the last-minute cramming for a qualification, or like having been entered into some sort of competition without a published rule book. It is OK if, some days, it seems to feel rather that way.

Tomorrow is a new day; and different emotions, thoughts, opportunities, connections and experiences of life are held within the promise of each new day.

Each person should feel welcome and equally valid within their respective stage of their Autism discovery journey. (Nobody holds a magic stopwatch of scrutiny; against which to award merit points or demerits).

A forum, such as this, affords the opportunity to learn from and support each other along the way.

Best wishes.

[maribux]

thank you I felt the same. The more I think about it the more I feel diverse and disconnected i’d like instead to discover how special I am …

[Tronsformer]

hi, I went through the exact same thing, and it appears its a normal process. I had the relief and validation that there is more going on in my brain than I thought and it answered and explained a ton. Then there was a phase (still ongoing if Im being ttuky honest) which I guess is more like greif and the reliasation, I’m very different and life will forever be different due to the way we are wired.

I believe this is just our minds coming to terms with this ‘new state’ of being. I also think now in hindsight it is a natural process when seismic change happens and it manifests differently for each of us. I’m very introverted and interalise everything, (which is why my masking worked so well and probably the reason I was diagnosed late too). So its normal that I will have this inner turmoil as I’m not great at being open about it or even know how to make that useful for me.

However hearing very similar experiences from so many of us here and others i have spoken to is validating. Because it shows us that this process repeats in others (even though it feels very isoltated for use individually) and the fact that it repeats over and over for many means to me at least, that its a natural process.

I’ve found talking about it where applicable to be really helpful especially those who are not on the spectrum or even know about it.

But rest assured you will reach a state that is in the middle ground or even no problem at all. My take is we’re just process our whole lives again with the knowledge of diagnosis and its overwhelming.

On the flip side techniques like meditation, or physical activity that calms, takes your mind off things or even requires discipline can help take the edge off.

[QuietButBold]

Hi Artyliz,

I thought I would check-in with you to enquire; how you are find things a few weeks onwards?

Best wishes.

[Artyliz in reply to QuietButBold]

I had a tough week , a new church leader caused me to implode but this person is causing havoc with others , he is a charismatic character who thinks everyone should say yes , I'm a recovered people pleaser, firm boundaries, clear communication etc .

Due to the post diagnosis process in Lincolnshire being a 18 months wait I've put together my own self guided post diagnosis process and already I've figured certain things out relating to sensory overload / burnout and masking and how they interrelate and feel more confident about navigating the future . I need to thrash out a few things with ipbt team (integrated place based team ) it's a mental health team but not related to psychiatry .

[QuietButBold in reply to Artyliz]

Although tough weeks can be extra tiring and frustrating, we often learn something from them (...doesn't always feel like it "in the moment"!).

Sorry to hear the new Church Leader is causing people stress. Maybe their pace of change is a bit over-ambitious and they haven't allowed enough time for people to acclimatise to their arrival.

I am all in favour of what is known as "a positive no":

psychologytoday.com/gb/blog...

I suspect others around you are also pleased to hear a few other people re-enforcing their personal boundaries. People don't find it comfortable to be the lonely voice of "no", but once they see / hear others educating a new-comer on what is / isn't OK - reinforcements of a chorus of "no" may start to join in.

While you await time with your local ipbt team and the county-based post diagnosis process support - I thought I would just check if you have found the National Autistic Society post diagnosis guidance (it sounded as though you might have already found it as you have been working on some good points recently):

autism.org.uk/advice-and-gu...

One thing which can be frustrating and a bit uncomfortable when navigating support teams, is if their level of Autism awareness and practical support implications knowledge is not even from one team member to the next (e.g. somebody doesn't take the trouble to respect your communication style preferences and needs). This booklet is aimed at service providers but has contents which you might find useful in producing your own "reasonable adjustments" list reminder to aid your engagement with such teams. There are also a couple of promising sounding local organisation links to explore at the end of the document:

google.com/url?sa=t&source=...

If you were to be offended talking therapy / CBT etc. style support, it is important that the person conducting the sessions with you has training and experience with Neurodivergent / Autistic people and adjusts slightly how they help you to engage with the process. There is a popular book which you might find helpful "The Autistic Survival Guide To Therapy" by Steph Jones (ISBN ‎978-1839977312):

amazon.co.uk/Autistic-Survi...

If that book is not available to you, there is a free PDF download on the National Autistic Society website which is aimed at therapists (but is also helpful for Autistic adults too) "Good Practice Guide":

autism.org.uk/shop/products...

Best wishes.