We are in the UK. My daughter is at the beginning stages of her ASC diagnosis and one thing that has ALWAYS been an issue is her aversion to her father who lives 40 miles away and sees her every fortnight. She has always begged to not go but he has demanded she visits. This has caused her deep trauma but father's rights apparently come first. Now we know she has ASC he still demands she visit despite it causing her so much distress. She masks when she is there so he says I am making it up and he doesn't believe she is anxious - he won't listen to her psychologist either who tries to convince him to listen to his daughter's feelings but he says that children need a consistent routine and she must go. Any tips what I can do? Either refuse to send her any more (with possible legal consequencces) or teach her strategies to deal with it? Thank you x (heartbroken mum)
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apriljupitermoon
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Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. That sounds like it must be challenging for you.
Perhaps, as this involves visitation rights, it would be worth exploring options with a Citizen's Advice bureau? They're pretty good at giving free advice. If there is a chance of legal proceedings for example, they could help you get a picture of what that might involve.
I also found this article here about UK law and situations where children don't want to visit a parent: aticuslaw.co.uk/what-do-i-d....
I'm not a legal expert, and don't know how fully up to date this info is but it might be useful. Overall it seems to say that things are weighed up between what the parent wants and what is deemed best for the child's welfare.
If possible I would suggest having a relaxed chat with your daughter about what distresses her in these visits and why she doesn't want to go, and to see if there is anything that can make things easier for her until a clearer solution can be found. Perhaps also a chat with her psychologist, if you have access to them, could help too?
I hope this might help in some way. (I also noticed in your profile you mention how your daughter struggles with OCD. Just wanted to say I had this myself throughout my teen years too, and can really sympathise with what both of you must be experiencing. It's a real challenge, especially when you're on the parent side and trying to help someone who's got the compulsions and rituals. I was really really ill with it when I was about 15 and couldn't walk in my house, or climb a set of stairs, and my mum had to support me through it and I knew how difficult it was for her too. I went through CAMHS in the end and they did work out well. It took time, with ups and downs, times of break through, times of relapses, but slowly things did get better. So just wanted to say these things won't last forever, and really can get better x )
Thank you... I appreciate your support. She is seeing a psychologist so really I need to hear officially whether the visits are detrimental from a health pov and take it from there. If I have the backing of a professional I'll have more chance of convincing a court. Thank you
Do you also have ASD? I think the reasons my daughter is so averse to her dad is that he is scary/has a temper and she doesn't feel safe. He's not done anything really bad but she is really uncomfortable around him because he is unpredictable - I think her ASD exacerbates her strong dislike and she can't control her feelings - how does an autistic person change their experience of a person?. Thank you
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