it’s too long of a story to tell all of the details, but after it happened over a year ago, someone who I thought was my closest friend betrayed my trust. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating. She was the closest thing to a relationship that I ever had and rather telling me in person that it wasn’t working out and that she didn’t want to see me ever again after 3 months of dating, after leaving her she texted me this after I travelled across the country to help her relocate and be there for her during a difficult time in her life.
I’ve never felt so devastated and confused, and to this day I cannot let go of the pain and upset it’s caused me.
I know everyone here has their own experiences and stories, but it would mean the world if someone relates to this. I struggle every day and it’s lonely that I’ve not been able to to meet or find anyone who can relate. I now trust no one and I don’t hope to get close to anyone ever again.
That sounds like it was really tough to go through. I think when things like this happen they can hit us really hard, and we can continue to feel worse the more we reflect on the negative things. It can be difficult when a relationship ends, and it can leave us reeling. Though I think you would shutting off a lot of possibilities if you don't let yourself trust anyone ever again. When someone lets us down we immediately intensify the walls we put up around ourselves. However, life has a way of surprising us, there's all sorts of twists and (amazingly) good things that can happen when we least expect it. But in order to embrace those good things, we sometimes have to take a step and let ourselves be a bit more vulnerable, taking a peep over those walls of defence we build.
I'd had some very negative relationship experiences, and had assumed that any relationship with another person would not be for me for many different reasons. I was not aware that my friendship with one of my only friends (i only have 2 close friends!) was turning into a relationship until one day he suggested it, and I had to make a decision about whether I took a step outside of those walls. It takes a lot of trust, and courage, and it can feel very scary at times, but again, sometimes things can surprise us in a good way. The only thing we can do is try. And if it doesn't work out, hey it wasn't meant to be. But holding onto how much you feel they have hurt you will gnaw away at you, and only ever feel worse and worse. At some point it can help to let yourself slowly reconcile this; it happened, but that was then, and now there's a whole load of new things. You can learn from it, take it as experience points. But it would be a real shame to cut yourself off entirely from the possibilities of trusting new people, the only guarantee of that is it's isolating, which doesn't do anyone much good(!)
I hope you can feel better soon. The waves of life sometimes knock us over, but time is a great healer, so long as you can gently let yourself let go of that hurt; the act of slowly releasing the weight of all that can make things a lot better.
Hello NotJim. Thank you kindly for the response for it means a lot, and I hope you are well. I know, and I have experienced some good things since it all happened. However, as awful as this sounds, she is dead to me. I have not seen her, nor ever wanted to again, since she ended it as horribly as she did. I did everything I could to empathise her behaviour in the end, but I couldn't carry on being friends with her. I just would have thought she would've respected me as much as I very much respected her. But to even see her again now would worsen the pain and It unfortunately feels hurtful when anyone tells me to just let it go. I'll be honest in saying that I'll never be able to let it go. For if I do, it'll condone how she behaved after everything we had been through as if nothing ever happened and that my feelings and hurt never mattered which to me feels extremely wrong. She's dead to me and even if I do pass her again, she'll be nothing more than a stranger. I'm not letting her and anyone manipulate and take advantage of me again, even if it means trusting no one ever again the same way. That's how much it has hurt me and still does for I wish I had never had met her. I hate having these memories that were coated by a facade the entire time. I still get upset by a it at least once a week to be honest from how it all happened. I hate her and I will never let anyone get that close again.
I see what you're saying. However, I wasn't suggesting you get back in contact with her, or that you condone what she did. It's simply a case of, over time, allowing yourself to accept what happened was what happened and to allow yourself to move on from it as it seems that even though it happened some time ago, you find yourself coming back to it regularly.
I hope you can feel better someday. Life's too short to dwell too long on the negatives.
Take care
Please arrange for a private councillor , being open and honest doesn't work on the internet , you become the pray for others either as a emotional punch bag , a point of focus for others to discuss and bond over , a tool for someones tick box exercises and career progression and if you notice what happens then you get the torment and pushed away from accessing the services you need . Be careful , it is not safe.
aw I’m So sorry you’ve had this experience. It’s so difficult to let go of heartache and disappointment like this. I know this from personal experience. I hope, in time, it may become easier, but it can take a long time to heal and recover. In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself. Sending healing hugs in your direction 💫
I am ever so sorry you are going through this, but I can tell you I can definitely relate. After being best friends with someone for around three years, and having in that time gotten her a job at the place I was working, she blatantly turned her back on me as a friend, as a colleague and I would say as a person also. It is worth mentioning she did this right after I was done helping her out with an important matter. I keep trying to tell myself some people just don't fathom the magnitude of the consecuences to their acts, or the amount of pain they can make others feel. Only because I cannot understand how people could allegedly use and dump someone that has just given them so much with their best intentions on purpose and completely conciously. Anyhow, I do hope you begin healing from this soon. Always remind you that you deserve better. Sending you strength and good thoughts x
It wasn't my closest friend, it was my Daughter!Look up Obsessive Love Disorder. It showed me that, after many years of being treated like this, and my obsession after, that I didn't even like my partner half the time, though, like you, not all the time. It shows you the basic pattern of this disorder. We feel too much, don't we.
Now my adult daughter. I began obsessing with my evil sister living close to my daughter and new grandaughter, I said she will poison her. Well, guess what, she has. My daughter has always been close to me, face-time every day during lockdown. Now she won't speak to me. Normal people are cruel. They don't deserve you.
You Will meet others who you will form bonds with. Some will want to be with you when you don't want to continue with the relationship. None of this is because you aren't loveable, you are. Keep walking, one foot in front of the other. Walk with the rest of us, we're here.
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I was with a guy for 8 years who I'd been friends with before we got together. The relationship was a complete mess and I knew he wasn't right for me but I kept going because I wanted it to work and I loved him so much. I couldn't fully accept the situation.
Somehow at the end of last year I fell for someone else and it really opened my eyes to the whole situation. I wasn't looking for someone new and didn't even think I was interested in this new guy or I'd be open to having feelings again. The pain is now gone and although I'm not with this new guy (yet), I'm glad that I got through it all.
So I know it sounds cliched but time really is a healer.
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