Autism Support
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Does my 12 year old daughter have Asperger?

My 12 year old daughter has struggles with school since year 4 and in year 6 I asked the headmaster if he thought there was a problem. His exact words were yes but good luck getting a diagnosis. She is now in year 8 and hasn’t been to school for 3 months. I am at my wits end. She has several symptoms but I would say relatively mild compared to most. She has no friends and cannot make them. She cannot real people at all. She feels very uncomfortable in busy classes and halls. She cannot focus on what the teacher is saying no matter how hard she tries. She cannot cope with loud noises although she loves music and can learn a song sheet hearing it once. She sings beautifully and would love to sing but cannot sing infront is people. She is almost mute in front of most teachers whilst at home is loud and it and sometimes very aggressive to her brothers and her father and me. If I try to talk to her about emotions she literally switches off and as soon as I am done she will snap back in and ask a completely random question as though we have not had an interaction!! She still plays with dolls and toys and her 6 year old brother seams more capable than she at most tasks although she is very sensible and looks after him with complete focus if they are out and my husband or I are not next to them. She is amazing with small children and seems able to connect easier with them. She is probably over careful with looking out for children. She sees dangers and deals with them. She cannot stand any sort of tags or other noticeable labels or badges on her clothes and we have to cut them out and she cannot have tops with logos sewn in as the feeling is too much on her skin. She cannot have anything round her waist and her hair is hard to deal with as she is hyper sensitive when it comes to brushes. She is not academic at all and her ONLY passion is music. She is not aware of boundaries and will often bear hug me and hurt me when she is trying to show affection. I am so upset because trying to even get her assessed is near impossible and she goes to private school so there is not the same routes to take. I feel I am letting her down right now. I have been told it will be 24 months before she will even be assessed. She will be 15 by then!!! Any advise would be massively appreciated

2 Replies

She sounds very similar to my son (11), especially the lack of ability to focus, aversion to noise, hatred of clothing labels. He has an autism diagnosis (high functioning) but we also think his behaviour is more like PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) Unfortunately this isn't assessed/diagnosed in our part of the country.

Why do you have to wait for two years before your daughter can be diagnosed? Did you get this information from your GP?

You could try this test on your daughter to get a better idea, although it obviously isn't a diagnosis.

Also try the National Autistic Society website. They have a helpline you can ring to get information.

Sorry for the short reply, I'm on my lunch break and have to rush. Hope this helps and if you have any questions just ask.


I would go to your local authority and apply for a EHCP for your daughter. This will force the council to make sure your daughter is getting the support she needs. Seeing as she is not, this may well force an assessment. Also, I would go to your GP. Explain what has been going on. Your GP may be able to help things a long. There is usually a long waiting list for CAMHS, but my friend's son was diagnosed through an assessment for an EHCP. That was done more quickly. If you aren't getting anywhere, do call the National Autistic Society like Nozmo says. Also, you could try contacting your MP as they may be able to offer advice too. Good luck and keep fighting. x