How can I meet anyone now Im in a wheelchair and cant get out.
Help!!! My husband of 19 years has now left me a... - Ataxia UK
Help!!! My husband of 19 years has now left me as he cant have a disabled wife!! Im only 45 so where do I go from here!!!
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mandyweight
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15 Replies
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Dear "Mandyweight"
I am sorry for your "loss"--although he doesn't seem like any great bargain. Men and women leave each other, everday, for lesser reasons. Still, I can relate to your sense of panic. I think my husband is also less enthusiastic, to put it nicely, about my emerging inabilities to do certain things with him like going to wedding receptions looking sexy, traveling, working and going out in the evenings. Dont lose your cool. Health comes before men.
First of all, you don't mention divorce or kids. Do you have relatives such as children, siblings or parents? Can these people to help (temporarily) with your physical needs.?Next, I'd look into finding an "aide" who might live with you.. Maybe this is covered in your country? Next, talk to a lawyer. It could be that divorcing an invalid might have certain rules.
Sadly, not everyone is/was built for this challenge. Find, perhaps on the internet, look for single sites for physically challenged people, and find someone who loves you and is not scared of a wheelchair. Youth is on your side. I hope I have been helpful. N
FifaVolunteer
Hello Mandyweight.
I am sorry you are in this position. For what it's worth I am in a similar situation. My husband wants and leads his own life, I am an intrusion.' and that is after 34 years!!!! He wants me to go into a home.
Try and keep your chin up.
Take care
Fifa
Hi Fifa,sorry about your position. I will have to get more help in. My children are 13 and 15 and are a godsend.. Onwards and upwards Mandy x
Mandy, right now don't you feel that a good support network would be would be more useful?
Get in touch with your nearest group and see what advice they can give you regarding this.
Personal relationships break down for all sorts of reasons but when one partner shuns the
other because of a medical condition, it's beyond belief. xB
Hi I am in the same boat but on the male side yoou dont say if you have kids or close friends to support you [all our friends were her friends so she took them] god I sound like I am wingeing now. try contacting age uk you are to young for their befriending service but you could sign up as a befriender that's what I did [if you can just sit and drink tea that is] or they may ecen redirect you but beware of dateing sites aimed at disabled people some [that should keep the liable solicitors at bay] use a repeat billing system that is allmost imposable to cancel. I am sure people have told you this untillit is comeing out of your ears but it is not the end of the world and it getts better chin up.
John
I feel for you so much
I got engaged in the summer 14years after I was diagnosed and 14years after starting to use a wheelchair day to day.
It is possible to move on and find someone but for a couple of years ago I was living independently until my partner moved in.
He has left you and that is his loss. Focus first on the practicalities then on what makes you happy and how to do that.
Anna
BTW, I often had this argument with my mother, who is almost 90. When her best friend, Jane, had a stroke and was living with a nurse, that woman's husband (her second; but it was a long marriage) basically dumped her and resumed travelling and eating out, as if nothing happenned! My mom was horrified when he would call, and refused to have any contact with him. She said, "Karl's place is at his Jane's side, not at the on a cruise."
"Well, Karl just wants to live and enjoy the remaining years of his life," I said.
"That's not what marriage is all about, " Mom snapped. and she was at my dad's side when he was ill (he got better) and vice versa. "You have to be there for the good times and the bad," she said. Of course, she was right, and Kar'ls sefishness was hard to live down after Jane died. Now he is alone. What goes arond, comes around....
Dear Mandyweight, Ataxia and being in a wheelchair doesn't define who you are as a person! It's his loss, not yours! As others have mentioned, I don't know what your family/friend situation is like (support system), or what type of care you require help with. I agree with Neta, if possible, look into having a live-in aide, if need be. Also, surf the net for support groups for wheel-chair bound people. I live in the States, so resources are different here then in the UK (or else ware). My best to you...,;o)
hi
I feel for you. In my case, I was married for 28 years and my husband also couldn't stand the thought of my having a disabability (ataxia). I have a lot of female friends but it wasn't the same as having a male companion. I too, thought I would never meet someone who would look past my disability. But I did. He is a very caring and kind man, Don't give up hope. I now know I am better off without my ex.
Good for you!!! Its his loss!!! Mandy x
Dear Mandyweight,
I have thought about your situation all week and wish I could come up with an easy solution for you. I do firmly believe things happen for a reason and this new challenge you face will make you stronger. I hope that you have a close friend or two that you can help you through this transition.
I often read the following poem below, I hope it helps you.
"People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life....."
You have a whole community of friends out here in the online world.
I am sure we are all sending you lots of love
Marina
mandyweight in reply to
Marina,what a beautiful poem!! Its his loss!! i just feel sorry for our children!! Bumole x Mandy x I just wish I could meet someone else easily. Its not easy when you're in a chair!!
I am glad you like the poem it has helped me through alot of hard times. You are right it is his loss! You sound like a determined lady and I am sure, as halle says, there is someone out there for you. If we believe the poem he will show himself when the time is right. The main thing is to stay positive and take each challenge as it is presented to you. Here's a smile for you today xx
i totally understand...i had a stroke 8 yrs ago n my husband of 12 years has left me for another woman so that she can fulfil his dreams of an able bodied companion to ride motorcycle, hike, swim n camp with
My partner of 21 years left me as he could not have a disabled partner so he met some woman on line and he left me on Christmas Eve 2012- he married this woman and 2 days after the wedding she fell over and broke her knee cap and has been in a wheelchair for several months, had 2 ops and now walks with a stick.you could not make it up but what goes around comes around as they say.yes it is sad to think you may never have sex or be in a relationships again because of the ataxia- my wheelchair arrives next week and I still enjoy life but things need to be planned carefully now. I live alone but at least I can look at what I like- see the friends he did not like and please my self so life is good and you do not need a man to be a complete person. I have supportive friends and family and enjoy life as much as I can. I can no longer hand write or play the piano or violin or go for long walks but there are many things to enjoy. so give yourself a good talking to and think of all the positive things you have in your life. lots of love Sylviaxx
