How are you all? Once again I am so sorry for the very long wait for me to comment or even post. We're do I begin?
Firstly I have been told I am always selfish as I always seem to think about myself before others and never never ask how anyone else is first? This has made me paranoid now to talk to anyone. Or should I also say I am now so worried it has made me withdraw fro daily life pathetic aren't I .
So before I begin how are you all and what posts have a I missed in the last few weeks.?
I have been to the well being clinic for depression and having CBT. I have also had to contact the Samaritans nearly everyday as I felt so worthless and a real burden to my family and society. I haven't thought about ending it all but have had daily thoughts about how can I do it and what's the best method. This shows I am gutless and can only be selfish considering to spoil my family's life and my devoted husband.
My own children who are aged 36.35 both my sons have children and partners. My youngest son if very caring but gets very short tempered with me often which makes me very anxious, I have now told him and he said he will try harder and does not mean to be like it but he is so used to me being so active and quick to do things it makes him is way.
My other son said I don't do enough to help myself at all and the huge weight gain I have had is my own fault and he has no sympathy for me. This upset me as I already feel bad about myself with out him reminding me how fat and awful I look. He does not come very often to to see me and when he does he panics with me holding the baby because I have this right side paralysis.
My husband can't fault him he is wonderful but has now asked for extra support with the morning showers and he is tired. This is okay but means I have to get up at 7 everyday and the night before have my clothes ready and make sure we don't wake him which is hard we have to very young excitable dogs which bark when people come.
I love my dogs so much but can't stand the noise of the barking and the constant getting up and down to let them out. I have felt really bad to say lately as I feel they are to much for me. But they are our babies and I wouldn't part with them but would love a rest for a week from them.
I have been to have a new splint fitted to try and help me walk a little better with my right leg, but it just drags along behind me despite everyone telling me it will help in the end? My rut hand has a splint to but this has not showed any improvement in the last 7 months I was told at the clinic today.
I really don't feel sorry for myself and don't want anyone in the group to feel I a, asking for sympathy because I know we all have so much to deal with. But having fibromaglia and CFS we all know having anything else along side this is not easy
thank you to anyone that might have taken the time to read such a long post it is the only place I really feel I can be honest about my feeling and no won't be judged.
Love to you all Dianne