Confessions of an Ex-Smoker

I must confess this before my guilt kills me. I am an ex-smoker now for almost 15 years now. I smoked when I was pregnant with my 19 year old son and smoked until he was 4-1/2. I honestly cannot believe that I did that to him. But at the time I didn’t really think too much about it. Everyone smoked! I finally got tired of lying to my son’s doctor about smoking and decided to quit. (only after quitting did I realize that everyone can smell smoke on you BUT you). I quit for a year when I got pregnant with my 17 year old daughter (mainly because of morning sickness) but soon started after she was born. Luckily she does not have asthma, only allergies. When she was 2 and my oldest son was 4-1/2 I just thought this is crazy, I am smoking a cigarette while my asthmatic son is sitting with a nebulizer strapped to his face. Nobody believed that I could quit. But I did (almost without any problems, except for those that had to live with me while I suffered withdrawal).I have never regretted for one moment my decision to quit. But every time I see my older son sick I get this nagging feeling that I am to blame. My younger son, aged 9, also has asthma, although not as severe, and I have never smoked around him and been careful to keep him away from smoke, but I still feel guilty that maybe my years of smoking has caused some of his problems while I was pregnant with him even though I didn’t smoke anymore.

There, I said it. I smoked around my asthmatic son. While it doesn’t make the situation any better, it does relieve a bit of the guilt to say it.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings!

2 Replies

  • I think you are very brave to have faced it and managed to stop, and to confess it now. My father was a smoker and smoked around me from when I was born to when he moved out when I was 18, and he never acknowledged or accepted that it could be doing me any harm, even when he witnessed me being rushed into hospital.

    You are obviously a very caring parent to be spending so long trying to research how to best help your sons. Yes, passive smoking may contribute to asthma in children, but asthma has many many possible causes and the bottom line is you will never know whether your kids would have asthma or how bad if you hadn't smoked. You have stopped now and you are doing everything you can to help your children, that is so much more than a lot of parents.

    Well done for giving up, I hope you can manage to make your peace with it!

    Emily H

  • Well done for admitting it and mega congrats for giving up and sticking to it.

    My birth mother(im adopted but now know my natural mum) smoked throught her pregnancy with me and my brother and both of us are asthmatic (me alot worse then him) and she also carried n with my other brother and sister and neither are asthmatic, so it goes to show just as Emily says that there are alot of factors not just smoking.

    Unfortunately my birth mum seems unable to give up and continues to smoke so some times i am unable to even go to see her, sadly she now cares for my neice who was born 3 months prem with slight lung probs and even that doesnt seem to be able to give her the strength to quit despite Drs saying that she makes my neice ill.

    So u deserve a jolly big pat on the back and please try not to blame yourself for your kids asthma, i know its hard cos i do it to but things like this are out of our controlto a certain extent

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