Preparing for the worst - sorry

I hate to post this so im really really sorry, im sat in the toilet with my laptop bawling my eyes out, Lewis is sat in the corner of the ICU room rocking back and forth, all her family are there, some people have travelled all day to get here, butI am no good to my son or wife right now, Im a useless father and husband, right now I dont know what to do or think.

They repeated all the tests and despite giving her a constant battering of drugs all day the results showed further deterioration, the consultant has told us to prepare ourselves for the worst, the next 24 hours are critical, if there is anymore progression of the infection her body will not cope, her sats are only at 59% now, her heart rate at 191 and temp of 109.

Thankyou to everyone thats been in touch today, and the people that have been texting me and keeping me going, I can never repay you and thanks seems like a pointless word right now.

Im sure most of you are all prayed out but if anyone has any energy left then now would be a good time for a last prayer - please!

You dont have to reply to this, and sorry if I have upset anyone!

Alex

52 Replies

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  • Im so sorry Alex,my heart goes out to you and Lewis im praying really hard for her and hope with all my heart snowy starts to pic up a little. Love and hugs glynis xxx

  • Alex. You are NOT useless. All of us are with you. behind you. and here for you. if i was closer i'd hand you a tissue and give you a hug. meanwhile i'm storming heaven for you all.

    Geina x

  • Alex,

    I am so sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Vicky x

  • Alex, Lewis & all your family.

    I am so sorry to hear this ........ my prayers are with you at this difficult time.

    Thank you so much with keeping us up to date with what must be a very difficult time and personal too!

    I haven't run out of prayers so will keep praying.

    Love & hugs

    Kate

    xxx

  • Alex,

    I think you're doing amazingly well, you're certainly not useless etc. I'm sending positive thoughts, as many as I can! I'm sure a lot of others here are doing the same.

  • Alex, I just wanted to say that you and your family are all in my thoughts xxxx

  • my thoughts are with you and although i dont know you or your family i have been following this over the last few days.

    You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts tonight

    With all my love

    Sarah

  • thoughts, prayers and wishes for you and your family, don't give up you never know when a miracle may happen.

    Honey

  • Alex,

    Myself and my family send our love and prayers to you and your family. You are certainly not useless, you have been there for your family and that is all that you can do in this difficult time.

    Stay strong.

    Dave.

  • Praying now and will ask my friends to pray too for a turnaround. You are not a useless father you are just battling real hard but your not alone. I am praying snowy body responds.

    Gil

  • Alex and family,

    I am so sorry to hear of this progression. I am thinking of you all and thinking of snowy and hope she pulls through this.

    My thoughts are with you all and will keep snowy in my mind.

    Ol

  • Oh Alex and family I am so sorry that Snowy is not responding to the drugs that are being given to her to help fight the infection she has. I do hope Snowy pulls through.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  • Alex i will keep praying for your whole family. Your a very good father and husband you have done your best to be there for both your wife and son. I can never understand why it is the good people who have the bad things happen to them.

    Alex keep texting Snowygirl and remember everyone here is think and praying for you

    Amanda

    xx

  • I don't normally pray, but I'm praying my socks off right now (must be working, as I seem to have bare feet). I'm also asking everyone I know to pray as well.

    Don't think about being a rubbish husband or father. You are neither of those things. You're a wonderful husband and father being faced with the unimaginable. And don't feel that there's anything to repay. Take the support - it's being freely offered with generosity and love by everyone here with no conditions attached.

    Big hugs to all of you.

  • Dearest alex. You are an inspiration to us all. You have shown amazing strength and a love for both snowy and lewis that is truely special. It is impossible to put anything else into words. My thoughts and prayers are with you, lewis and all that hold snowy in their hearts. With much love chell.xxx

  • Alex,

    So, so sorry to hear this - I am sending every positive thought I have towards you and hoping Snowy pulls through this. As everyone else says you are absolutely not useless though I imagine you must feel helpless as anyone would, but you've been there for Snowy all along and Lewis too - can't imagine how he would be getting through this without you there.

    Again hoping and praying she pulls through and you see some improvement. xxx

  • You are a wonderful husband and father Alex. A brave brave man going through hell.

    I am praying every minute of the day for you all....family and friends too.

    If we could stand beside you we would.....in our virtual world we are here, shoulders to the wheel, lean on us anytime.

    Fee x x

  • sending prayers and hugs your way alex xx

  • what more can i say to you alex than i already have done in our texts

    you are a fantastic dad to lewis, and a wonderful person and support to andrea.

    whatever happens you will get through this...

    i keep praying - very hard and hoping they will be answered - she will be okay and something positive will happen in next 24hours :S

    snowy please keep fighting sweetheart, ur family needs you now more than ever!

    the other snowy needs you too :'(

    missing you hun

    alex you and lewis know where i am

    x x x

  • Alex

    I'm so so sorry for what is going on. I can only agree with the others and say you are not a useless father and husband, you are going through a very difficult time and you are only human. I have been thinking of you all evening and just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you. Don't be afraid to unload on here, we all want to give you as much support as we can.

    Best Wishes

    Val

  • Alex, you are a wonderful husband and father, you and Lewis are extremely brave and have shown amazing strength. We are all here for you, sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Come on Snowy, keep fighting, you can do it. xx

  • Got my friends/pastors praying cos they do it many times so ur not alone, Snowy,Alex and lewis. My pastor will agree with you Alex.

    Gill

  • Oh Alex, I am thinking of you and Lewis constantly. My heart goes out to you both at this hideous time. You are an amazing husband and father.

    Sending love and hugs and praying for snowy and yourselves.

    Always in my thoughts

    Emily xxxx

  • Oh my, that is one hell of a shock and an awful situation to be in, not surprised you feel like you need time alone but you are not useless and of course you will not feel like you know what to do or think or say. Thinking of you all, hope and know Snowy will be ok soon

  • I'm very sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with Snowy and your whole family.

    Ratty xx

  • Alex, my thoughts and prayers are with you and all your family x

  • Alex I don't know you or Lewis but I from what I have read you are a fantastic husband and father and both Snowy and Lewis are very lucky to have you. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    Love Clare Xx

  • Thinking of you and your family.

    You are in no way a bad father or husband, you have and continue to be wonderfull.

    Here for you at any time

    Much love and prayers as always

    Lindsay xxx

  • I haven't replied to any of your posts previously, though I have read them. Please don't beat yourself up by saying you are bad father and husband, because you are not. Just being there for your wife at the hospital everyday is more than enough, and I sure despite her critical condition she senses your presence. You don't have to say anything to your son, other than be there to hug him and tell him that what ever happens you are still proud of him for being there with you through out this difficult time.

    You have nothing to repay towards anyone on this forum, I am sure that all of us wish we could do so much more than read your posts and give you are written words of encouragement, support and good wishes.

    KInd regards Katina

  • Dear alex,

    everybody can see what a great support you have been all along. Nothing is your fault. I'm praying for your wife, you and your family.

    God bless

    Lydia x

  • Alex, you kept going long after others would have cracked. Such a good husband, friend and companion to Snowy. Good father and such a good example to Lewis. Thank you for taking the time to let it all out to us over the time Snowy has been ill. You deserve a medal for all you have come through. No need to thank us, Alex. Its been a privilege to hold you and your family in our hearts and will continue to be so. Now go and give Lewis a hug.

    Moira

  • Thankyou from the bottom of my heart

    Well I have spent the last 4 hrs in another hosp bed (seems to be a pattern emerging here!) I got terrbible chest pains and really thought i was having a heart attack around 11pm, decided to go outside for some fresh air and people started to panic and called a doc for me, I am ok, think its just the stress of it all, refused to get admitted and refused to go home so we reached a compramise of staying in a bed near her.

    Think we have around 40 friends and family staying over at our house, I gave Lewis the job of sorting it all out, where they could sleep, on what etc... thought it would be a good distraction for him and he would be great at it, as he deffo has his mums sense of great organisation!

    This is first chance I have had to come on and read everything and it made me cry again, but thankyou everyone, and I hope we and she can find the strength to get through whats I guess is today now! in one piece.

    Going to try and sleep for a bit now, think I have a very long day ahead of me

    Love to all

    Alex

  • Oh, Alex. That's not what you need! I'm glad that you were able to find a compromise that allowed you stay near to Snowy, but I'm really sorry to hear that you were having chest pains. I hope that they've settled now, and that there's nothing more serious going on. Please look after yourself!

    Thanks for letting us know how you're getting on. You and Snowy and Lewis are in my thoughts constantly. I'll join you in hoping that Snowy can get through today, and that things start to look more hopeful.

    I'm very impressed that Lewis is managing to look after all your guests, and hope you're right about it being a great distraction for him!

    Sending much love to all of you,

    Wishes

  • Thinking/praying for all of you and sending healing hugs xxx

  • Alex thank you for taking the time to update us. I hope that your chest pains settle and you can be back with Snowy. I am glad to hear you have lots of family and friends near by. I am thinking of you and sending love and strength your way.

    Clare Xx

  • oh alex

    i'm sure lewis has done a grand job of fitting everyone in. snowy knows your there and doesn't want you making yoruself ill.

    keeping you in my thoughts and the prayers of many friends still.

    Geina xx

  • Hi Alex. Folk have already said so much, its ok to feel inadequate but just to be sure you know this that it is normal to feel like this. Your human after all. In fact its healthy for you to feel this way. You and Lewis will find strength in each other. Don't keep him out. Children are amazing and are far stronger than we expect. I continue to pray God's healing on Andrea and to give you strength. Catherine

  • I'm glad you accepted some help from the docs Alex. The stress and strain is showing itself, I hope you've managed to get some rest and with all my heart hope that with this new dawn Snowy begins to inch back to you.

    Thinking of you, Snowy and your family all the time.

    FeeJay

  • hoping and praying that andrea is pulling through. she is putting up one hell of a fight. love to you and your son xxx

  • Alex hope you got some sleep and try eat and drink keep your strength up. All my love to you Andrea and Lewis and hope get some good news today on Andrea and wish you love and strength to get through the day xxx

  • Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Alex, Snowy's a fighter and she has a lot to fight for. Take care of yourself Alex and accept help from your family right now. x

  • Alex,

    Hope you've been getting some rest - you're under so much stress it's not surprising your body is protesting! Still thinking of you all and willing Snowy to get through this. And hope Lewis is doing well with the sleeping arrangements - what a great idea for taking his mind off things a little and making him feel at least a bit in control and able to do something. I hope being on here and keeping us updated is helping you a little in that way too - we've all been so grateful you're able to tell us what's going on even though the news hasn't been good so far.

    xxx

  • Alex. Ever since I read your message this morning I've had a worship song going through my head. Strength will rise. Its based on Isaiah 40. Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength and spread their wings and soar like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Also some words from Matthew 11 'Jesus said, come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.'

  • Alex. You are so NOT a useless father and husband. You've run yourself into the ground trying to give Snowy the strength to keep fighting and you've helped Lewis to cope with the situation by giving him the confidence and support to express his feelings on the forum and by giving him an important job to do at home organising the sleeping arrangements.

    My thoughts are with you all.

  • continuing to pray hard and lighting as many candles for snowy today

    thinking of alex and lewis as well as the family...

    hoping for something positive to happen by end of today and something will change and snowy will start to turn the corner..

    snowy - PLEASE PLEASE continue fighting sweetheart, use every last ounce of energy you have....

    dont give up rememebr us snowy's are fighters - and you have been so strong, you have been a fighter. so proud of you my sweet :)

  • update - sunday - for snowy

    alex couldnt face doing the update, so on his behalf,

    tests today show still same amount of inf etc and obs still same, however heart rate lower.

    consultant very honest with alex and says this prob means either this is start of heart failing or the infection spreading to the heart as no other changes to observations etc...

    OR

    this is a big or that WE ARE ALL CLINGING TO her body isnt having to fight so hard to fight the infection now....

    using every last energy, hope, prayer etc to cling onto hope that the latter is right :'(

    keep fighting snowy, PLEASE...

    snowygirl

  • Thanks for the update snowygirl.....hang in there Snowy....willing you better with every ounce in me.

  • Thanks for update - like everyone else hoping it's the second and Snowy pulls through this - come on Snowy, you can do this!

  • Thanks for the update Snowygirl. I can't be the only person who keeps stopping what I'm doing to log on to see if there's any news about Snowy. I'll join you in believing that her slower heart rate shows that she's not having to fight the infection so hard. I also believe that she knows that she has so many people sending her their strength to help her to keep fighting, and that she won't give up.

    Love to all. xx

  • Thank you for update xxx Praying really hard for Andrea and hope god heres all our prayers. Hang in there snowy ! Please keep fighting xxx

  • Keep fighting Snowy were all praying for you and we wont let you go without a fight were here for you xxxxx

  • tahnkyou snowy girl

    still praying for the best possible outcome.

    annista, no you're not alone. i have FeeJay to keep me updated on FB if i can't get on here too!

    Geina x

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