Now been referred to ""Councilling!

Had the specialist review the other day after my daughters 4 day stay in hospital.

Think they are really clutching at straws now and scratching their collective heads and have proposed xolair and a referral to a councillor.

Not sure i know what to feel about this.

1. Does the Dr think im a mad woman keeping my girl sick or making up her asthma attacks?

2. Am I that paranoid?

3. Yes her mental health is as important as her physical health but do I want her in the ""system""

4. Am I just upset that I feel she cannot disclose all her inner feelings to her mum?

5. Yes I know this is not about me but the best for her.

6. Will i be able to be present or have I lost my rights as a parent to full disclosure of what is discussed.

Anybody any thoughts or similiar experiences

Elaine

4 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Firstly - you aren't crazy and you definately aren't making up her asthma - they certainly wouldn't be offering somebody an expensive drug like xolair to somebody they thought was making it up!

    I saw a clinical psychologist for a while when I was 15ish. I'd had a lot of asthma admissions and things were really starting to get on top of me. I often felt that I couldn't share my concerns with my parents for fear of worrying/upsetting them - so seeing somebody else really helped.

    It may be that you're invited to attend sessions too - but the councillor may wish to see your daughter alone. I had some with my parents and some alone. It was all very open and I was allowed to read the notes written about me - i'm not sure what the case would be with you reading your daughters - but the freedom of information act should mean that you can if you apply through the right channels.

    Hope that helps

    Em x

  • Hi,

    If the docs thought either of you were crazy or making it up you'd be seeing psychiatrists or psychologists, not a counsellor.. I doubt they're thinking along those lines, maybe they think if she's getting very stressed or upset etc, it's triggering her asthma, I have read that certain emotions can be a trigger for some people. So counselling would maybe be useful in helping her work out if that's the case and how she can control it. I really don't think you should worry that this reflects badly on you, but I know how hard it is sometimes, as parents we tend to blame ourselves or wonder if we are at fault when something goes wrong with our kids.

    As far as you being present, I think it varies depending on the person and circumstances. Maybe you would be able to be there sometimes, and not at others. I know when I had counselling (I was 15) I was in on my own for a few sessions, and my family were invited in for others. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

    Sarah

  • I think there is often a feeling of 'clutching at straws', but at least they are trying to do something!

    There could be two reasons for suggesting that your daughter see a counsellor - firstly, as loupylou said, that there are often psychological triggers, and learning to control these can be as helpful as controlling the external triggers. There are also 'tricks' that can be taught to help deal with breathlessness and the feeling of panic that often comes along with it. The other reason could be that being in hospital with asthma is scary. It's scary not to be able to breathe, scary to be inpatient and in a strange environment, scary to have IVs for the first time, and so on. I had nightmares for weeks after the first time I was ventilated, and think that counselling would have been helpful in getting over that.

    I wouldn't see it as your daughter not being able to reveal her feelings to you, but that a counsellor will have the training to help your daughter to work through different feelings and emotions and give her some support in that. In my opinion, the more people in the support system, the better!

    Sending very best wishes to you and your daughter,

    Jo

  • Hi elaine,

    don't despair, referral to a councillor isn't a bad thing, it's not a reflection on you and it doesn't mean the staff are not investigating any further. It's another way of helping you and your child. My daughter has only just been referred to a psychologist by a consultant, because her behaviour is now causing a concern (up till now she'd been great, compliant and quite easy to deal with). Living with asthma is scary and confusing for the kids, no matter how we present it to them and look after them. I'm glad my daughter has been referred, i think it's important for her to speak to someone who isn't an anxious worried parent. It's not a necessarily a treatment, but a part of her overall care. which is great, because as a Staff nurse who (ironically) has worked in Chest for 2 years, it's all too often that we ignore a patients' psychological health, and only address it too late. It's best to assess these things before they become an issue, as once a child develops obstructive behaviour, or seems reckless or in denial, it's alot more difficult to deal with. Plus there is alot of evidence that suggests asthma attacks have an emotional trigger too, so it's worth addressing all angles. It's absolutely not a reflection on your parenting skills or your relationship with your daughter - so many people think if they are referred to a councillor it means 'they are not coping' - this isn't necessarily the case at all, it's just another part of your health that can benefit from being examined. it's no different than ordering an X-ray or Ct scan then initiating treatment, it's an assessment of mental health and wellbeing and coping mechanisms, and providing skills and tools to use if necessary. I hope it helps, and that your daughter gets in control of her asthma soon x

You may also like...