good morning all i am not handling my copd / angina very well

[bobless]

i have been a member for about a year now i read your blogs through my emails every day i have mod /severe copd and angina i am 63 years i had to finish work 3 years ago due to angina after a heart by pass 10 years ago the problem was all my tests showed up clear for my heart which left me feeling like a fraud as i had been finshed at work due to my health i had a good income and i have never been a shirker when it comes to work, the company had to let me go,i was a very sucsesful sales rep but my angina probs started with a day off then a week then a month off then several months till i could not do a day this was over a period of 3 years. then to be told they could not find the problem was depressing . Two years ago i was diagnosed with copd at that time my mobility was fine and so was my breathing though i like to make a noise on the kareoke and did notice that i could not sing some notes haha . my probs with copd started about 9 months later 15 months ago icould not walk far with out stopping hills were hard and since then my mobility has got worse and chest infections are regular i lived with my partner who looked after me and was great but i started stopping in not going out and she was caring for me and my father . my dad has suffered with copd for years he is now at the end he is end case copd i have looked after him for 6 years along with my brother and sister though when i finished work i took the lions share of his care along with my partner but in the last year its been difficult for me to get round hospitals with him and my brother and sister have failed to realise i have told them but they work and have active lives so my partner had to get involved more . my partner is 63 she got a private pension recently i was getting pension credit and they told me i was only entitled to £5 . 33p a week and along with the fact we were starting to get on each others nerves being together 24/7 and she would have to keep me with the hard earned money from her pension earned before i met her we had been together 5 years i decided to get a flat which i am now in a ground floor flat with a warden who comes from time to time in a lovely village . The thing is i do not go out other than to see my partner i do not socialise with my mates i used to go the local club twice a week but every time i meet people friends within 10 mins i am telling them about my health and they look at me sat down and can not understand i look fine to them so i am well aware of myself going on as i have in this blog and so i have become withdrawn depressed and not the out going respected Bob i always was and feel i am no longer serving any purpose i started copd rehab this week but only the education side as they wont let me do exersise when i was leaving i told the nurse i was not handling things well and need help she said ok so maybe next week but i am at the bottom i know there are people a lot lot worse than me who get on with it and handle it well but i am not and i am not a softie i have been a bit of a lad in my time the very fact that i am not handling this is the most depressing and very frustrating thing i realy am sorry for going on and on and i do think the folks on this site are brilliant but i do not want pity i need help to find my self again thanks for listening and good luck to all

[Puffthemagicdragon]

I have severe COPD and angina. I had a stent put in 18 months ago. I had an echocardiogram a couple of weeks back and everything is ok in that department. To keep on top of things I keep active and I know it's not much but I would suggest you try and be a bit active. Even just a little bit each day. The more active you are the better you feel. I'm no doctor but I know it makes me feel ok.

[bobless in reply to Puffthemagicdragon]

hi i used to be very active i walked on average 10 miles aday when i was working then i got some thing akin to unstable angina (pains at rest) which stopped me in my tracks but on good days i do try to do more i have had to moderate my life style if i do some activities more than i should i am left with pains and fatigue for days and now with copd as well its a fine line i have to walk they wont even let me do the light activities at rehab but i do try in that dept i guess i like you do my little bit each day .

[cofdrop-UK]

I am sorry your world as you knew it has been turned upsidedown. I've had my health issues all my life, but appreciate it must be quite overwhelming to have to come to terms with these issues after being essentially fit and healthy. It is pretty normal I would say, no matter how long you have been ill to feel dpressed and withdrawn for varying lengths of time. You have always been in control of things and to some extent that has been curbed - quite a shock to the system. Since having a second chronic condition I myself have become much more withdrawn and where I would once say 'yes I'm up for that' when friends ask me to go out, I am reluctant to comit as I'm not sure I will be up to it when the time comes.

It has nothing to do with being or not being a 'softie'. In fact I would say that folks who cope with chronic illness are in fact pretty tough and carry on where others would take to their beds. We are all quite strong - we have to be.

You are right to ask for help (that's a very proactive thing to do in itself). I hope the nurses can help you through the issues you have. You can still have a good life, albeit different to the one you had envisaged and hoped for.

Hope things improve for you.

Love C xxx

[bobless in reply to cofdrop-UK]

thanks cofdrop i think my biggest prob is beating my self up over my handling of my self and i do not seem to be able to speak to friends without going into detail of my situation which is very annoying but as you say most of us are in the same boat i guess i need help to come to termes with things and stop beating my self up

[Bronch1noGO]

Hi bobless,

You've taken the first step on the long road to acceptance and finding yourself, I echo what cofdrop says 100%. It has been quite a culture shock to you and people around you only see the person outside not what's happening inside - hence lung disease is known as "The Hidden Disease" Speaking your mind on here helps, I myself have gained a lot of friends and they are all willing to listen, regardless. You can always ring the BLF helpline and speak to someone, either about health issues, finance or just what's happened to your relationship. Oh and by the way no-one on here does pity, we just know how it feels and just want to let you know you're not alone.

Take care

Karen

X

[bobless]

thanks Karen your a star like all of the others on here good people i just need to find my self again and i realise that pity is not on here i guess i was speaking of others

[Hidden]

The nurse was wrong to say maybe next week. Depression often goes hand in hand with COPD and can be treated. Try your GP Bob and I hope you get a better response.

[bobless]

she did not say next week she just aknowledged me and said ok, im thinking maybe next week i have told my gp i am not handling it very well he sent me to a clinic some time ago and the lady i spoke to there said i was a breath of fresh air as the people she normaly sees are not trying to help themselves and are ready to be hanging from the nearest tree and as i was trying i was speaking to the wrong people i am reluctant to take anti depressant tabs as i tried them when i finnished work and they made me worse they turned me into a space cadet i realise aunt Mary that it goes hand in hand with copd i think i need counceling on a one to one basis but cuit backs make that difficult and i canot afford private i should be able to do it myself but im failing trying any way aunt mary what a lovely name i used to have a aunt mary i have read many of your blogs on here and you sound just like her you are great thanks for your support

[Puffthemagicdragon]

Do you have any hobbies ? Maybe that may help.

[libbygood]

I've had to turn to ADs bobless, nearly 4 weeks now and beginning to feel better. Hope things improve for you soon.

Libby x

[bobless in reply to libbygood]

Thanks Libby started last night i went out to my local club first time out socialy for 6 months im glad you are beginning to feel better Libby and thanks for your support along with all the other people what a superb group you all are thanks Libby Bob xx

[Hidden]

I Oh bobless I really feel for you. It must be very difficult. But I agree with the comments - I think you must be a really strong person to cope so well with your illnesses. I don't think I could cope like you!

Is your name Bob and is your name a reflection of that? You are still the same person you always were even if you can't do what you could before. Think of it as a different side to you coming out, one that is just as valid as the person you were.

Go out with your friends, I still do. I just check out what they are going to do first ie going shopping. I would say that I would go but might not be able to keep up with them and might need to sit down more! Or compromise and say I will meet them for a coffee later instead. You get the picture? I tend not to say much to them about my COPD unless they ask. I can't expect others to understand - that what I come on here for.

Bev xx

[bobless in reply to Hidden]

hi Bev thanks for the support and encouragment i went out last night with friends to my local club all with the help of your self and other lovely people on here , first time out for 6 months socialy that is so thanks from the bottom and top of my heart Bobxxx

[Hidden in reply to bobless]

I'm so glad you went out Bob I bet you had a good time!

Keep it up love.

Bev xx

[bobless in reply to Hidden]

cheers Bev it was a big step for me socialy yet an easy step thanks to your support and encouragement from this fantastic group once again thanks Bev xx

[bobless in reply to bobless]

Hows that book going Bev have you sorted a title out for it you will have to let me know when you finish it and good luck with it you are a star x

[Hidden in reply to bobless]

Thanks bob - so are you my love xx

[hajoed]

Hello, as you see from the comments from this so supportive crew of copd's, you are not alone. My back story is similar to yours and we are of an age. I finaly got a move to a ground floor flat and days later was made redundant. copd's are not redundant...we are challenged....we have knowledge and experience and just because we can't work anymore we have not changed as people. New flat? Turn it into a home, physicaly you can't do the work required but if the people you know are freinds....swallow hard and ask. I too have been in sales,so come on...... you are bobmore not bobless.

(unless that refers to being skint and we all know that road!) Age Concern have a team of volunteers that would come in and put up blinds, fix things and even do some painting for you. There is a charge, £10. I think. I will make a bet with you that your body is not performing as it used to but your brain is better than ever. Use it,neck down 95 neck up 25!!! and I just talked myself into writing that book I always wanted to do..... someday is today. Keep in touch. Jane.

[bobless in reply to hajoed]

Thanks Jane all of you folks on here thanks very much for your support you are all a fantastic group i have a ground floor flat to Jane and it has a support worker and a help line that comes with it and i can get volunteers to help i just need to swallow my pride i am replying late to this because i went out to my local club last night friends had been asking me to come out but i had become withdrawn not been out socialy for 6 months but with the help of yourself Jane and all the other people on here you got me moving ahead my first step once again thankyou

[hufferpuffer]

I'm so pleased to read you went out for a jolly bobless! bet you're bobless now it costs a bomb to go out these days! I think you're doing okay,keep positive,keep smiling! all the best Carol x

[bobless]

cheers Carol im getting there xx