good morning all i am not handling my copd / angina very well

[bobless]

i have been a member for about a year now i read your blogs through my emails every day i have mod /severe copd and angina i am 63 years i had to finish work 3 years ago due to angina after a heart by pass 10 years ago the problem was all my tests showed up clear for my heart which left me feeling like a fraud as i had been finshed at work due to my health i had a good income and i have never been a shirker when it comes to work, the company had to let me go,i was a very sucsesful sales rep but my angina probs started with a day off then a week then a month off then several months till i could not do a day this was over a period of 3 years. then to be told they could not find the problem was depressing . Two years ago i was diagnosed with copd at that time my mobility was fine and so was my breathing though i like to make a noise on the kareoke and did notice that i could not sing some notes haha . my probs with copd started about 9 months later 15 months ago icould not walk far with out stopping hills were hard and since then my mobility has got worse and chest infections are regular i lived with my partner who looked after me and was great but i started stopping in not going out and she was caring for me and my father . my dad has suffered with copd for years he is now at the end he is end case copd i have looked after him for 6 years along with my brother and sister though when i finished work i took the lions share of his care along with my partner but in the last year its been difficult for me to get round hospitals with him and my brother and sister have failed to realise i have told them but they work and have active lives so my partner had to get involved more . my partner is 63 she got a private pension recently i was getting pension credit and they told me i was only entitled to £5 . 33p a week and along with the fact we were starting to get on each others nerves being together 24/7 and she would have to keep me with the hard earned money from her pension earned before i met her we had been together 5 years i decided to get a flat which i am now in a ground floor flat with a warden who comes from time to time in a lovely village . The thing is i do not go out other than to see my partner i do not socialise with my mates i used to go the local club twice a week but every time i meet people friends within 10 mins i am telling them about my health and they look at me sat down and can not understand i look fine to them so i am well aware of myself going on as i have in this blog and so i have become withdrawn depressed and not the out going respected Bob i always was and feel i am no longer serving any purpose i started copd rehab this week but only the education side as they wont let me do exersise when i was leaving i told the nurse i was not handling things well and need help she said ok so maybe next week but i am at the bottom i know there are people a lot lot worse than me who get on with it and handle it well but i am not and i am not a softie i have been a bit of a lad in my time the very fact that i am not handling this is the most depressing and very frustrating thing i realy am sorry for going on and on and i do think the folks on this site are brilliant but i do not want pity i need help to find my self again thanks for listening and good luck to all

[kimmy59]

Hello

It does get you like that at times, and this horrible weather does'nt help. I just try and occupy myself with T.V or computer and if I feel up to it some housework, I also trace family trees so that keeps me busy. It's a horrible illness but it does'nt change who we are, I don't know if you have a hobby but it does help. Don'y be sorry for feeling down, at least your talking about it.

Kim xx

[bobless]

thanks Kim i do pretty much the same but no i have no hobbys realy other than taking care of my dad but thats not a hobby its a duty

[Hidden]

The nurse was wrong to say maybe next week. Depression often goes hand in hand with COPD and can be treated. Try your GP Bob and I hope you get a better response.

[von1]

Has aunty Mary has said you need to sit and talk with your gp tell them all that you are going through I think we have all been at this stage.

[bobless in reply to von1]

thanks von1 i have talked to my gp who sent me to a clinic who thought at least i was trying to get help and that the people the clinic see are usualy ready to hang themselves from nearest tree and discharged me doc tried anti depresents but they made me worse i gave them a chance 8 weeks but they made me into a total space cadet the reality is i need to sort myself out and the support i have recieved through this group since i put my blog on as given me a massive help thanks to all of you i have made a start and i think i knew before that most people probably suffered simular difficulties just writing and reading back what i had wrote and more importantly the support i have got from your messages of support and valuable advice has spured me on all i can say i s a massive THANKYOU xx