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Newly diagnosed and feeling numb.

terri-rose profile image
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Diagnosed with COPD last week and feeling numb. Still crying. Have had difficulty teaching and talking for six hours a day since October, thought it was strange but didn't pay it much attention, thought I had a chest infection!! Have been given handfuls of information about claiming benefits. I don't understand any of this. Have been teaching for 25 years - 'benefit' is a new language. I'm sure I can't manage on benefits, I am alone so have no partner to support me emotionally or financially.This morning Doctor given me time off work to get over shock and decide whether I work or not. It's a brand new job and I feel so embarrassed about being off sick, but I can't face work because it exhausts me and don't know how I ll manage on benefits. Went to CAB yesterday - very good. A week ago I d never heard of COPD now it's taken me over! I am so confused. I don't know where to start with planning or organising the future. Please - did anyone feel the same? I literally stumbled on this web site and already the blogs have cheered me up. Also, does anyone know of a COPD social/ support group in the BR8 / DA area ? I have to go now and pick up two prescriptions from the GP surgery - I can't think why!!! (probably because the five minutes walk takes me 15 minutes!) I would be so grateful for any advice or suggestions to point me in the right direction. I am absolutely clueless!

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Terri-Rose

First thing to do is try and relax - i know easier said than done !

Can i suggest you ring the BLF helpline number - 03000030555

The other suggestion is to keep popping on here - great advice, hints and tips and some really lovely people to boot - just remember you are not alone - there are 100's of us on here all ready to chat at any time if you need to!

But please ring the helpline - i'm sure they are the best people for you right now

(((hugz)))

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Krazylady. a little message to let you know I took your and Gordon's advice and called the BLF helpline. I am so glad I did. I feel a little calmer now and am starting to feel that there is support and I am certainly not alone. I was met with such kindnesss it was quite humbling. I found it hard to get out of bed and still need to get dressed. I might even walk to ASDA for a coffee. The walk takes my son 2.5 mins and it tales me 11 mins (and a stop half way!!!). It was a great laugh when I thought I had a chest infection - it s not so funny now (ha ha) Thanks for your advice. It's really given me a lift.

in reply toterri-rose

i'm so glad you are feeling a little easier - a bit of info goes a long way xxx

((hugz))

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

So pleased to hear from you. Just closing down and your email came through. Thank you so much. I 've made a note of the number and will def call them tomorrow. Going to GP now to pick up anti-deps to help me along. I need to know that others have felt the same and I'll not be stuck in this numbness for ever. The penny has n't dropped yet. I don't even know how serious it is! I' ve got to pop into ASDA after GP. I hope the penny does n't drop in there - or you might see a picture of me on the news tonight!!! Many thanks again for your quick reply. I think I'll be a regular visitor to this site. I am so glad I found it. x

Hi terri-rose, many of us know precisely how you are feeling, having been through the same process of grief, shock, despair. It seems to hit us that way to begin with but as time passes and we become more aware and better able to manage our illness things don't seem so bad.

As krazylady suggests do phone the helpline they can help you with a number of things including the benefits situation, what's more they are friendly too ;).

The course that will help you become more aware and better manage your illness is called pulmonary rehabilitation. Your GP or your consultant can refer you.

Once your medication begins to work for you and having attended the PR course you will be surprised that you can still enjoy life even with copd.

There are some who do still work, mainly part time and others who just are not able to manage working. There are quite a few lifestyle adjustments involved but I don't doubt you will get their eventually realising there is life beyond diagnosis and plenty of it.

We all understand terri-rose and we are all here to help support you through this difficult time.

All good wishes Zoee

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Many thanks for your reply. I have never heard of pulmonary rehab -something else I did n't know. Will question it tomorrow when I ring the helpline tomorrow. Already I am just starting to feel that maybe this isn't the end of the road but the start of a different one. i didn't feel that before finding this site. Thank you so much for your support. I am sure I'll be in touch again!

pedantic profile image
pedantic in reply toterri-rose

terri-rose.hi &welcome.main thing you have to do,is try not to panic.i certainly did,but the folk on here helped me get through when i was first diagnosed.we all have our fears & we all struggle learning to cope with them.worst thing that happened to me was my partner(when i told her of my diagnosis) turned her back on me saying she couldnt cope with it.you need good people around you.if you havent got them at home you have them on here.good luck,try &stay calm x

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply topedantic

HI Pedantic thanks for your message. At the moment I am still numb enough not to panic. I know there's something wrong with me but the penny has 'nt dropped yet. I feel like I now have permission to admit that I am tired, work is too much, I need a rest.... It's ok now to feel 'off-colour' because I' ve got a condition. I knew there was something not quite right because I couldn't breath, walk up the ferry ramp a couple of months ago (!!!) or visit a castle set on a hill . I just knew this was all wrong but I didn't know why, I now know that this condition is the problem and I am not going mad but------ it still hasn't registered. It's probably the first day that I haven't cried, so maybe something is clicking in. I am sorry that your relationship went pear shape after your diagnosis. at the very time you need someone to fight in your corner too. she was probably as shocked as you. It's strange because I divorced four years ago and all I keep thinking in those dark moments is that 'He" would know how to handle this and what to do. He would sort all this out for me and tell me not to worry. Then I realise that actually no he would not and I now have to do this alone. I have good friends but even they have their limitations and their own lives. in fact I 've only confided in one! No point telling anyone about something I don't understand!! You 're right about good people. I don't know how I came to find this site yesterday - but I did. Through tears I thought I d leave a little note because I doubted if any one reads them anyway. I was blown away by the response I 've had. For the first time in a week I can feel the confidence rising in me to enable me to cope with the counselling, work, the forms and everything else. I can't thank you enough.

elian profile image
elian

Hello terri-rose :) and welcome ! So glad you found us :)

After a few weeks on here, reading and taking note of all the things you can do help yourself live with this condition, you won't need anti-depressants, you'll probably think you've taken laughing gas by mistake !! :O

I was diagnosed in 20012 as mild and have progressed through moderate and into severe as of now, but I still lead a full life (or at least it seems that way !

If you've been prescribed inhalers then please make sure you are shown how to use them correctly because that can make a real difference to how you breathe. Another tip is to Google COPD exercises (there are lots) and make sure you do at least thirty minutes every day. This will help strengthen your lungs and should make breathing a little easier.

Last of all, I'll endorese what krazylady says, and that is ......... try to relax. Being uptight about the condition makes it more difficult for you to breathe.

Keep us all informed of how you are doing, we'll offer as much or as little support as you need :)

Best wishes

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply toelian

Thank you for your suggestions. I have made a note of them and will Google the exercises as you 've mentioned. Today has been a bit of a learning curve. I thought I was all alone in my little numb bubble but I am so relieved to meet people who know exactly what I am feeling. I have been prescribed inhalers and was told to look for the demonstration on You Tube before using them!! I could n't work out how to use the thing so found myself back in the Gp s surgery the following day. The practice nurse was very good and showed me how to to them correctly. That spacer thing (?) is a bit grim and I admit that I can't bring myself to use it yet!! it looks like some medieval torture tool! Thank so much for your concern. I really do appreciate it !

elian profile image
elian in reply toterri-rose

Which spacer are you using terri-rose ? The big clear plastic one, that looks a bit like a space ship ? There is a much smaller blue one available, that is easy to use and it fits in your handbag too :)

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply toelian

I have a really big thing called a Vortex - holding chamber. it 's hard plastic and not nice to look at. My son showed me how to use it but I can t carry that thing about and use it discretely!! It s enormous and needs its own handbag! I haven't used it yet. I think I can manage without it for the time being. I actually hid it behind a plant pot on the table so I couldn't see it - if you can't see it then it doesn't exist!! I 'll ask about a smaller one the next time I see the GP. Many thanks for the advice.

pedantic profile image
pedantic in reply toterri-rose

terri-rose.we all take our diagnosis badly.our anxiety/worry levels go through the roof.I note you have a son & daughter & plenty of friends.they will i,m sure help you through.Don,t forget you have friends on here too.When i get down i think of all the babies & children lying in hospitals/hospices with incurable diseases.i.m in my fifties,wish i had never smoked,but i did & here we all are.wish i could speak with you on a one/one basis to help you alleviate your fears as i,m quite useless on this lap-top.as i,ve said to you previously try not to worry/panic.There are lots of years left in us yet.take care terri-rose.keep in touch with us all xx

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply topedantic

Hi Pedantic. Thank s for your reply. I have just called the BLF Helpline and feel so much better for it. I struggled to get out of bed an hour ago -I' ve now discovered aches that I did n't have a week ago (!!!) but I am sure I 've made those up! I am discovering a whole new side to me that I didn't know I had. If only work colleagues could see me now !!!!!ha ha No more Miss Efficiency I think! I need to get dressed and go out. I am in my fifties too and only ever smoked little cigars in times of great stress. I'd have never described myself as a smoker. My nan smoked from the age of 14 years until the day before she passed away at 97 years of age!! Life is strange isn't?! I have no problem with giving anyone my email address for one to one contact. I think that would be really beneficial for me at the moment. I don't know if it's OK for me to put it in here of if there are policies about not doing this?

pedantic profile image
pedantic in reply toterri-rose

hi terry-rose,you seem a lot more cheerful today.i feel the same as you.would love to post my e-mail address too but have no idea in regard to the protocol on such matters.i.m sure someone on this site will advise x

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply topedantic

Is it ok to sent a phone number or are there rules against it?

pedantic profile image
pedantic in reply toterri-rose

good morning terri-rose.i for one do not know if people on here can exchange phone numbers/e-mail addresses.I am quite illiterate on such matters.I thought someone with more knowledge might have advised us.hope you are feeling ok & that you,re not getting stressed over things x

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply topedantic

Hi Pedantic. Where are you? Are you OK? x

valm profile image
valm

Hi and welcome Val

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply tovalm

Hi Val. Thanks for your welcome. I can't believe so many of you have taken the time to welcome me. Already I feel so much better and feel less alone. many thanks to you for taking the time to say "hello" . it really makes a difference.

valm profile image
valm in reply toterri-rose

:) x

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

Hi Gordon, many thanks for that information. I know the road you mentioned. The time's a bit awkward if I continue to work but it's nice to know there are groups around. I'll ask when I phone the helpline tomorrow if there are other groups in the North Kent/ SE London area at other times. I would love to go to one. Your point about slowing down is so true. I was diagnosed on Thursday and since then have been to the Job centre, had an appointment with CAB, seen the doctor three times, contacted my landlord, sent certificates into work, filled in and sent DLA form,,,,,,,,, and generally been dragging myself around around like a mad thing! I don't know what I am doing!! No wonder I am so exhausted!! Three professionals I have had contact with about this have said I must change my lifestyle but I haven't a clue what that means - I' ll think about that (no doubt) at three o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep!! Once again, thank you for your advice and concern.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

A huge big thank you to all of you who took the time out to reply to my sorry little message today. I really didn't expect so much care and have found it very touching. Thank you once again. You can't imagine the "lift" this has given me. Terri-Rose x

Hello Terri-Rose,

It is a shock, like you I'd never even hear of it (diagnosed 2006, using only spirometry, and no other tests at all, the only medicine I use is spiriva which is a medicine o relax the muscles around the bronchial tubes and this medicine lasts longer than most others I know of, namely, 24 hours, so it's one blast.

I did have other medicine, and a Ventolin inhaler but I realised, that allowing myself to become dependent on that fast-working relief, was making me feel worse, as I needed more and more, so I stopped using it and made the assistant put me back on the medication the doctor Had at first prescribed; the spiriva hand-held inhaler, a small round thing the size of granddad's watch in width.

Did you become ill from smoking?

If you did become ill from smoking, are you still smoking?

Do you teach kids or adults?

Does your teaching work involve sitting down for almost all of the day?

I ask because I would say if you are capable, do not stop working too quickly, because your work is part of your network, if your work is sit-down work, I'd try to find a solution so that you can move around, maybe some other kind of work.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Hi John, thanks for your reply. I was diagnosed by spirometry too! I never even heard of that. I' ve got the Ventolin inhaler and the Spiriva Respimat. It s taken me quite a while to even get used the look of that thing. My son who has never handled one before showed me how to use it. Like you, I don't want to become dependent on the Ventolin too soon. The other one I have to use every morning. That seems to work. I am not sure whether the Ventolin works or not. Was at the coast last week and breath went ( think I must have stepped up onto a large pebble!!!!) and I needed the inhaler. I didn't think it had any effect but my daughter assures me it did - so I suppose it must have done! I was not a regular smoker - would have a couple of cigars (disgusting I know) in times of great stress - and there have been lots of those over the past four years. I would never have called myself a smoker so this is a bit of a shock that everyone I have spoken to refers to it a a smoker's disease. I teach teenage boys who have challenging behaviour. it's a wonderful job , if you re strong and healthy and are able to stay two steps ahead of them, but I don't think I can anymore!! There's very little sitting down. I think I walk around the classroom several miles a day - won't be doing that anymore. I think i am looking to get a part time job doing something a bit more gentle. I enjoy working for the social side of it. Love being with people. As soon as I get my head and brain back on my shoulders I ll bounce back (ha ha ) I hope!! Thank s once again for your time. It really has helped.

in reply toterri-rose

Sure I already wrote another post, but I can't find it, maybe I saved it somewhere.

Hi Terri-Rose,

Right, I have spiriva but in the small round device for it.

Hey, speaking of cigars,that pack years counter thing someone put up, well if I typed in or clicked on cigars and spliffs I think it was, it showed a far higher level than with cigarettes, but as it showed such a high level for spliffs, I do not believe ghat, to me that sounds more like something from the anti-cannabis brigade getting to stick the boot in, by saying that cannabis is bad, I do not believe it is worse, I typed in something and my pack years was suddenly 162 years... whaaaaaat!!!!

I think they take an average idea of a spliff which is about 2 and a half times longer than a cigarette and as thick as a cigar, but actually, not everyone smokes joints that way. Me, I used to smoke them in cigarette format, so with a single rizla rolling paper, I did that as I got tired of everyone scrounging from me, so I used to try to avoid sharing wit those who never bought any but were always scrounging or demanding some.

glad I'm done with all that. However, i may buy some one day and eat some, to see how I feel. I'm drinking a few beers these days, I never used to.

That's so crazy isn't it, that some people smoke like trains and do not, at least, appear to have COPD, or simply do not, and then like you, who was not even a regular smoker, it's not fair.

Though, with cigars, one would think they are not inhaled, I mean I smoked a lot but try inhaling smoke from a cigar, it's like smoking diesel.

Hey Terri-Rose, for instance, some people get gum disease, ones who always brushed well.

Others, who have really poor dental hygiene habits, do not get it.

I discovered that there are some people that have a certain type of enzyme in the mouth that works against the bacterias that cause the plaque, and others do not, and if you do not, then you are likely or at least more likely to get trouble.

Maybe some people have something in their system/or a lack of something in their system/body that leads them to get a particular illness, namely in this case, COPD and the other lung illnesses.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Hi TJ , many thanks for your message. it made me laugh out loud. now if you can tolerate even the smell of the 'deadly-weed' you must have lungs of iron, like a fireman's bucket!! (if they' re made of iron!) That stuff really does smell of burning grass , How anyone can looked so chilled while smoking it is a real mystery. Those little cafe- creme cigars gave me a head-rush so I never got further than smoking one!! What a pity I did n't stop there - I didn't even look sophisticated when smoking? More like a heap of burning compost!! ha ha.

Am feeling a lot better today. Made contact with another member yesterday and that has cheered me up no end. I have met some really nice and supportive people on this site. it's gradually changing my thinking about COPD. (I'll let it stay - this time!!) i'll start looking for a support group over the weekend and I've just received lots of information from the BLF - so life is looking good.

I should be getting ready to go out but I saw your message and thought I'd rather reply. My hair is soaking wet and I have to get dressed. I should be ready in another four hours!! A friend is taking me to the seaside - I've made the picnic. I must be the only person who is praying for rain today, just so we can have the picnic in the car and I won't have to walk up a hill to a lovely little cafe that looks out over the sea. I used to love it, but now it's almost as if that place has grown horns and a tail! The friend knows there's something wrong with me but I am feeling a too embarrassed to say what. (Why shouild I be embarrassed?) He must think I've had the longest chest infection on record (since October). I've been quick to lay the boundaries of friendship ( as in 'just good friends" ha ha ) but do you think I can say COPD!!! I have a feeling though, if he insists we walk up to that cafe on the hill - he may just find out about COPD without me saying a word!!

Now as for gum disease...........................!!!

Have a great weekend and take care. Many ,many thanks again for your message.

Hi Terri-Rose,

Welcome to the forum. As someone said earlier - don't panic, and I would suggest not making too many decisions about work until you've been on the medication for a while. You'll be surprised at the difference it can make.

I was diagnosed a few years ago and continued to work full time until May this year when I got the opportunity to go part time. I now work 3 days a week - and I'm lucky enough to have the best of both worlds.

As you're a teacher there may be lots of work options for you to consider.

Have you been told where you are on the scale, ie mild, moderate or severe?

Take care .

Carrie

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Hi Carrie, many thanks for your reply. Everyone has been so kind in leaving messages. It's a real help. I am not sure where I am on the scale. I have a feeling i am mild but can't remember why. At the moment I can't remember very much. Ideally that is what I d like to do -part time work would be lovely. If I thought I could manage financially that is what I would choose to do. I don't think I am too bothered about what I do as long I am with people and earn enough for the bills. I can't stand the thought of being at home alone all day. That really would make me ill!! It's been so nice to have found this site and connect with people who know exactly how I feel and what the condition is, I 've only told a few people about the diagnosis because I am not ready to answer any questions about something I don't understand. People mean to be kind but I think they re under the impression that after a good rest, the stress will go and take this "nasty" little chest infection with it!! Although in all honesty I hadn't heard of COPD until a week ago!! Once again, thank you for your support.

in reply toterri-rose

Hi Terri-Rose, I'm diagnosed as mild to moderate. I don't get hung up on numbers etc, but just wanted you to know that It's not necessarily the end of your working life just because you have COPD.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose in reply to

Thanks CarrieMe. Since the diagnosis it's been quite a busy time. Events seemed to take me over. I was totally unprepared for the diagnosis, I thought it was a chest infection I was being treated for, and being told I had COPD knocked me sideways - I'd never heard of it. As the shock's going I can see where I'll have to make changes to lots of areas of life that I had been taking for granted. I think I'll just have to cut my working hours and not give up. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

HI Stitch, Thanks for your reply. Yes this condition seemed to appear from no where. I had been feeling poorly since October last year and had a few hospital tests for another condition. CT scan showed 'something' but it took the spirometry (?) test three weeks ago to show the full extent of the damage to the lungs. I don't know what happens from here. there's no urgency at my surgery, although I was referred for counselling yesterday, but I need to make some decisions about work. I honestly think my teaching days are over. I was struggling to 'talk and chalk' and had my learners do the board work. They loved it - but didn't realise they were doing it because I couldn't!! Scared about not being able to pay bills, having no money..... Luckily, I 've always had a modest life so wont have to worry about giving up the Spanish villa or the yearly break to the Bahamas!! I am worried about the daily shop, the daily bills, the rent, the.... I don't feel ready to give up work completely but I think I may have to. A friend visited me this afternoon. I was so exhausted by his two hours visit I had to lie down for three hours after he left!! All he did was talk to me!! By the time I d listened for two hours I felt as if I had been in the Olympic rowing team!! Is this the future? I am so grateful to everyone who has contacted me. You can't imagine or ,maybe, you can the strength this gave me. I was amazed by the confidence it has given to at least look to the future. thank you so much for replying.

broadband1 profile image
broadband1 in reply toterri-rose

i know how u feel i am in the same situation i lost my dad last year he left me a little money just to live & pay bills when it runs out soon the financial worrys r stressfull

Lynne1955 profile image
Lynne1955

Hi Terri Rose

I have posted my first blog today. I have only recently been diagnosed and it is a shock. I am classed as moderate. I have a salbutimol inhaler to use as and when, which does help and yesterday was prescribed with Spiriva but I am not starting that until tomorrow. I work (for myself) and it hasn't crossed my mind to stop as I feel I can manage.

As I also have mild asthma (also just diagnosed) so I tell my clients that i prefer to use the lift as I have asthma (I don't mention COPD). I do exercise about 30 minutes a day and that is all aerobic such as running on the spot, hula hoop etc. I don't do it in public as I get embarrased by getting out of breath - the same reason I use the lift when working. I also have an allotment and do a lot of digging, raking which is very aerobic.

My GP is very good and specialises in this field. I am determined to live with this and do all I can to minimise its impact on my life, but it is scary. This seems like a great site though and I can see you have already had loads of support so your are not alone.

Lynne

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

Hi Lnne

Thanks for your message. At the moment I seem to be ok most of the time then low at other times. This morning I 'm on a bit of a downer , still can't get to grips with this. I need to go out and see people , sit and chat - it puts things into perspective. I certainly feel more human this end of the week!!! At the start every thing looked bleak.

This is a great site. I can't believe how lucky I was in finding it. (Well actually, It found me!! I was fiddling about looking for nothing on-line and it caught me eye) I been contacted by some really nice people and I was advised to try the helpline which I did yesterday and spoke to more nice people. The kindness is humbling.

Now the shock is wearing off - I can see that to give up work would be a bad move but I know I can't continue in my current role. I love teaching but have found it very exhausting for almost a year and couldn't work out why. Now I know I can see it's time to change. perhaps a new job and direction is what I need anyway.

I was swimming before work every morning until last October when I found I was gasping for breath in the changing room so much I decided to stop. I haven't been since and really miss it. I am too scared to try exercise. May start again - slower.

Thanks for your message , I will think about an exercise plan and let you know how I get on.

Bevvy profile image
Bevvy

Hi just been reading your message.

Please, please do not make any hasty decsions about your career/job. I also work in the education field amd have received a lot of support from the work place. Part of this I am sure is that after a number of years of seeking a diagnosis I finally got 1 last October. Therefore work had a tangible diagnosis as well!

I work part time and whilst this has meant a big strain on the finances it has been better than claiming benefits. Also like you I live alone and work is a big part of my identity. My GP "offered" to sign me of permamently about 1 year ago and now she is as determined as me to keep me in the workplace as long as possible.

I am due to change job positions at the end of this month and have been very worried about it. Again I raised concerns with work and the used all the "correct terminology" such as "reasonable adjustments" etc.

Speak to your Union rep and look at what your options are.

Also look into claiming DLA -this helps me financially to stay part time. The forms are a nightmare and get help such as from CAB to fill them in - there is an art to the form; it is not just about condition!!

Hope this helps

in reply toBevvy

Hi Bevvy, I couldn't agree more about continuing to work if you can. When I asked about part time our HR team were brilliant. One of the things that was said to me was that by reducing my weekly hours it will hopefully increase the years I am able to work. More rest between working days. Even psychologically it is a tremendous boost.

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

Hi Bevvy,

Thanks so much for your message. your situation is exactly like mine. In all honesty, I think I will need to go part time. This afternoon I stood for quite a long period of time at a street carnival and started to feel, the usual bloating and breathlessness and generally quite poorly. I was ok when I started to walk on the flat - slowly!. This isn't a new feeling , I have been experiencing this for over a year now. The last time was in a big staff meeting - not enough chairs and I felt quite ill then , but didn't know why. It's the same feeling I 've been getting standing at the whiteboard of in front of the class for any great periods of time. Now I know what it is I can work with it.

I have applied for DLA before seeing CAB. The lady from CAB said she thought I would probably not get the benefit because it sounded like I had n't filled the form in properly! I have to take the form back to CAB once it is rejected and I will be given help to fill it in correctly.

Your message has really helped. thanks very much

San15 profile image
San15

Hi Terri-rose, havent been on here alot lately and just seen your post. Its natural to be shocked. I thought that i would be prepared when i was diagnosed with it, as it was someone from the CAB who was dealing with my benefits that asked me if i had been tested for it, when i went back to the doctor's surgery to see the asthma nurse, i asked her about it (i'd looked it up on the internet), the nurse said that that was what she was going to test me for next. I was expecting it, but i was still numb when the doctor gave me the results, i was quiet and wouldnt talk to anyone for a while, then had a cry. I have suffered with bad anxiety and depression for a while through certain reasons and was already on antidepressants from the psychiatric doctor (i only went to them as they are the ones who can prescribe the antidepressants that help anxiety too). It is a struggle on benefits, i have been struggling for a long time now, at one point, i had 5 of us to support on benefits when my grnadson was a baby and my girls were all at college and school, then when the elder 2 were out of work and couldnt afford to give me alot of money, now i have to support myself and my youngest daughter and my grandson is with me during school holidays at the moment. Its a case of juggling bills around, if they work out coming in when you havent any money in the bank, i do that regularly and just manage to get by, my daughter and i have bare essentials to eat and if i am struggling to get some food, i send her to her dad's for a night or 2, but he rarely likes to help out and rarely remembers he has kids of his own.

Everyone seems to have had great help from CAB, they havent really helped me out, i have been doing everything myself.

Good luck with it all, try to relax, take one day at a time and you will get there,

San x

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

Hi San,

Thanks for your message. I tried to contact yesterday but without luck. I 've just spent about an hour writing a really long reply to you but it looks as if it hasn't printed. You had a lucky escape the message was epic. Thanks for your advice. It's difficult taking one day at a time at the moment. My mind is racing ahead to all the things I must do , plan for, pay for. There was a lot of information in your message that I could identify with. I was just coming out of four years of depression, emotional pain. homelessness, debt ..... due to a divorce I didn't see coming, when I was hit by a 'chest thing' in October. To be honest I don't think the doctors were too concerned because all they could see on my notes was , Depression, Depression, Depression, Depr.... I had blood test, x-ray and CT scan and each one showed 'something' but still there was no urgency even though I was nearly passing out with pain and breathlessness. It's taken from October to three weeks ago to get a COPD diagnosis. I am also back on the anti-deps!

I had two letters this morning one with a date for NHS psychological counselling and the other refusing DLA. So. after doctor's appointment tomorrow back to the CAB!! I am sorry you had a bad experience with them perhaps if you try again they could help you. The job centre has probably been the most helpful of all!! After my diagnosis I numbly found myself there - never been in one and had no idea what I was doing. The manager rescued me and took me to a small room. He spent time with me and assured me that I was n't dying!!! What an earth must I have said for him to say that!! I 'm less numb now but still focussing on the problems. At the moment the most 'important thing' in my life has become my working life that's all I can focus on. I 'm trying to convince myself it's only a job and I am really not indispensable! I think it's easier to worry about work than the diagnosis.

I hope things improve for you. You're not alone. I am sure many of us can identify with you. My ex suffered with long bouts of depression which I got the brunt of (not physical) but other . He packed up and just left during a very long episode . when he came out of it , it was far far too late to go back. He left me in thousands of pounds of debt, I had to go to court three times. it was a period that I really can't remember too well - blocked it out. I lost my house . my son and I were made homeless, and ........ There is light at the end of the tunnel - even if the tunnel is a bloody long one!! Have you contacted CSA ? Your grandson's father is legally bound to contribute too. I was about to rent out a newly decorated and clean, poky little single bedroom (rentaroom.com) and also my tiny car-size paved garden for a commuter to park their car. it all fell through when the building society demanded that I sell the house asap or they would repossess by a given date. The ex was no where to be seen! it was a bad time. Have you contacted people you owe money to and offered a token payment - as little as possible? A friend did this for me because I was too scared!! see moneysavingexpert - you might find that helpful. it's a bit ironical that now I' ve come out of that bad place I ve been diagnosed with something that will change my life once again! isn't life funny? h....a, h....a, !!!

Once again thanks for message. Take care X

terri-rose profile image
terri-rose

Goodness! What a coincidence? I don't think there are many of us around. I did a specialism in EBD at a Uni in the area. It's a different ethos isn't it? You 'll understand then why my current 'environmental conditions' and learners are not compatible with COPD and my breathing difficulties!! Every little cough, cold, upset stomach .... learners came in to class with I would get.(not open windows!!! I haven't really got a choice. I think I've had enough challenges. Time for something a little less stressful! Hope you're well. take care. TR

Fionafish profile image
Fionafish

Hi Terri-Rose, sorry to hear your news. I was diagnosed many years ago now and after the initial shock it does get better. I am still working full time in education (FE) and while there are germs and tiredness to consider I am glad I keep working - though so looking forward to the Easter holidays! I also exercise which makes a huge difference. Used to be nagged about putting on weight but recent doctor said it is good to be not too big as less blood to oxygenate so easier on the lungs. Also good idea to get the flu jab every year as early as you can. All the best :)

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