Why do people say I look so well,when I feel so awful.

[Fantasy3]

I have been off work sick for 3 months.and attended my place of work today for a review.most of my work colleagues said how well I was looking,but I don't feel well.i have been waiting to go on a pulmonary rehab course for 3 months,and still no word from them...you do sometimes feel like a fraud because on the outside you look fine,but on the inside it's a constant battle.....

[Fantasy3]

That's exactly what I did.when someone asked me how I felt,I just said not good.but you get the 'yeah ok,well you look fine'look...and tbh I'm pretty fed up with it.im not off work because I enjoy it.i have severe emphysema and bronchitis,and I want to be able to go back to work.

Thank you Gordon.

[Hidden]

I think you'll find that is good manners to say you look well when, in fact you look terrible. It works the other way when someone asks "How you doing?" you answer with "Not bad". At least I do.

[valm]

Know the feeling they don't understand, Val

[tanyamarie]

It is the invisible disease......unless you are wearing your oxygen canula and then people stare sometimes. Thankfully my dad is not bothered about that but some people are sensitive about it.

For me, I think the main problemis awareness and I have to be honest, until my dad became ill I was quite ignorant about lung disease and would be like "you look well today" like you guys have said when in fact, inside they felt awful. Now it is just my opinion, but I think more can and should be done to raise awareness of lung diseases, especially when you consider how many people are affected one way or another.

[Hidden]

Completely understand you - I cannot tell you how many times my husband is told that he is looking well - of course he damn well does - most of the time. Doesn't look so good climbing stairs, walking up any incline, getting dressed, etc. etc. etc. And it really hit home when his sister commented on how well he looked and was surprised that he made so much noise breathing!! Just take a deep breath and ignore them! It will only become anotehr annoyance. Take care and have a good day. TAD xx

[Hidden]

Prehaps admitting we are ill to ourselves is the first step i still use "not bad" or a smile to hide how it feels. Permission to be disabled will work on that Gordon57, is it improving your situation. Thank you for having the courage to raise this.

[dollysgirl]

When I'm asked how I'm doing I say "oh up and down, you know". That usually keeps them happy. It's true anyway, isn't it, we'll be up and down all day long as we lose our breath and then get it back again. Another one for me is that "I'm chuffin' along", I refer to my gasping for air as chuffing, as in steam locomotive, so........ Love steam trains anyway.

Has anybody noticed that it's easy to do one thing whereas it's not so easy to do something else. For instance I can go upstairs in one go (pay the price at the top, mind), but can be SOB just washing some cups. It seems odd. The stairs should be more taxing than washing cups, so what is going on there. It took months of hard work to get the stairs in one go and it's only recently that I've achieved that.

[Fantasy3]

Thank you to you all for your replies....I'm just gonna bite my tongue,and do the 'yeah I'm fine thanks'bit.when inside I'm really not.

Take care one and all.xxxx

[cofdrop-UK]

Nobody can win with this old chestnut. Sometimes I say 'wish I felt as good as I look', or 'fair to middling', but you know folks don't really want to know even though they ask. When I was a baby with a ruddy complextion folks would say to my Mum 'there's nothing wrong with her is there' and if she didn't know them she would just say 'no'. Much easier.

I have a friend with MS and he can no longer type on his computer, but when he could we would always joke somewhere 'but at least you look well' or 'good to see you looking well today' - it's not just us wheezy lot who get these comments.

I've just been to my daughter's wedding and although on abs was struggling with haem inf and a friend of my daughter's said 'you don't look very well'. That made me feel worse - so as I say nobody can win ......

XXX

[cofdrop-UK]

Bit long this, but worth a read The Spoon Theory

butyoudontlooksick.com/arti...

XXX

[derrylynne]

As has been said. This really is the invisible illness. As is said, sick lungs don't show. This was something I was talking about at a meeting yesterday. That sitting at a meeting, talking, coming up with ideas, seeming quite in many ways vibrant, I have not lost my mind, there appears nothing at all wrong with me. Until I start to walk somewhere. Any slightest ramp and I am breathless, walking very slow with everyone racing past me. Sitting chatting I even look healthy. How can I look so healthy even if I feel rubbish beats me. But I do most the time. Gently explain your problem to others and they will understand. I found when I used to hide my illness harder, as then people did not understand as of course I looked well.

[Fantasy3]

Thanks cofdrop and derrylynne.i really do become quite exasperated by some people though.

They come out with things like,'I have a friend with emphysema,she's had it for years,and she can go to work'or some other stupid remark.,because at the moment I cannot return to work,due to the fact I have to climb 50+stairs to reach the ladies,impossible for me to do.but oh so easy for them.

They just don't understand how you can be so Sick,but look so well.

You say it's invisible,yes it is,until you try and climb those 50+ stairs,and you just can't do it.

I just wish people would not judge me by what they see on the outside.but sadly they do.

Xxx

[cofdrop-UK]

It's also the things people say who don't even know you. When I was much younger and climbing stairs I've lost count of the times older peeps would run 2 steps at a time and say something crass like 'time you gave up the fags' - complete strangers and I have never smoked. I think it makes them feel superior. I used to feel awful and upset and then I thought why should I feel like that so they can feel good about themselves. I never let them get away with it now and I have to say I lay it on real thick with a trowel just so they think in future before upsetting someone else. It's not me who walks away feeling bad now!

[Mardi in reply to cofdrop-UK]

At least we are climbing the stairs fir exercise while the fit folk do the lift!

[Fantasy3]

Good for you,x

[Mardi]

That happens a lot -I think I relax and forget everything else when I'm sick and my face reflects it. Mother else matters when you can't breath they say !

[blueskies--2]

HI Fantasy3 do you remember that song My word you do look Queer poorly , then it goes on My word you do look well, Just believe x