Any other Carers/partners around?

[TheOtherDragon]

I find it very difficult to know what to do to help, any suggestions?

[elian]

I don't have a magic answer TOD, I wish I did. As someone living with COPD all I need is a cuddle and re-assurance that someone is there for me when I need them. Someone to hold my hand and encourage me to relax and breathe as deeply as I'm able and to do the things I'm capable of doing.

It all boils down to having someone who cares......... they don't have to do anything special

[Hidden]

That is just wonderful elian, your words are just perfect, it makes life so much easier to know and have someone who cares, its the greatest support we can hope for.

Also carer's and partner's need that too, be sure to have some fun times together doing things that are both manageable and enjoyable for the both of you.

[amagran]

I am a carer other dragon, it's not easy. It's a constant worry

[TheOtherDragon]

Yesterday, my partner had to go to hospital as he couldn't breathe, they were able to put him on ventolin and give him steroids and he was released later, feeling much better.

I just felt really helpless (and useless) the whole time, but i guess as you say, all you can do is be there.

Also when he is in the house and having difficulty breathing but not bad enough to go to hospital, I always feel like there is something I should be doing to help, but i have no idea what.Its pretty miserable just to sit around watching, for both of us.

[TheOtherDragon]

amagran, i do worry.probably worry too much.

[amagran in reply to TheOtherDragon]

the thing is we can see how they look but not feel how they feel, I think sometimes I do go over the top saying don't do that I'll do it, when he aught to do things, he gets depressed then thinking hes useless and no good , its the catch 22 ,I guess just being there, if it's only sat there in a and e, is a comfort.

[TheOtherDragon]

I'll try to remember that Stitch!

He said he has been talking to you about other issues and found your advice very helpful - he is calling himself "puff the magic dragon", hence "the other dragon" lol

[elian in reply to TheOtherDragon]

lol ...... I had a 'lightbulb' moment then

[Hidden]

Ha ha x

[elian]

Sooooooo funny !

[tanyamarie]

I'm a carer, along with my mum for my dad. I can see when he is having difficulty breathing and needs the oxygen so I make an excuse to go and do summit (make a cuppa, wash up, watever) so that he doesn't feel like he is being watched. I give him privacy you know. Also, when we talk and he can't finish a sentence because he is short of breath, I wait patiently for him and don't finish it for him. I say, get your breath and tell me wen you can.

All the little things make a big difference. I know he struggles to put his socks and shoes on. If i'm there i'll do it. I also rub creram in his feet when they get dry, he loves that! (providing he has had a bath first mind lol). I mopped their floors earlier today, and I will hoover tomorrow. I do little things that are insignificant to me but significant to them.

Anything that takes the pressure off, I will try to help. And I also try and bug the hell out of him so that he can argue with me and keep his fighting spirit going!!!!!

[TheOtherDragon]

That's great, TanyaMarie.

I mst admit, this is all new to me and I don't have the patience.I am not a very good carer! I am trying to learn but it doesn't come very easy.

I have been used to him looking after me and its a bit strange for the roles to be reversed.I guess I will get there eventually.

[tanyamarie in reply to TheOtherDragon]

Lack of patience is my middle name, ask anyone who knows me! But with my parents I have all the patience in the world.......but I do suppose it depends on them, some I suppose could be difficult and demanding. My folks are superb.

My mum has heart trouble and for well over 10 years my dad looked after mum and did so much in the house etc. My mum would only be able to go out if my dad or I took her in the car. Now roles are reversed and we have to look after dad and my mum will do what she can and sometimes overdo it and get chest pains. Even tho I tell her she is no good to dad like that, she will still attempt to change the bed herself etc and I do get annoyed but I understand their independance.

Mostly I preempt when things need doing so if i get in there first like hoovering for example it stops mum doing it. It don't always work but if it works most of the time andhelps them I'm happy.

[TheOtherDragon]

hi cinderella.

i was so happy to find this little group and to know that others have the same sort of issues.I wish we had found you all much sooner!