HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

[RoadRunner44]

Hello everyone, I was just wondering how you reply when meeting someone. The usual question is... How are you? I usually answer.....Fine, but it will take too long to tell you how I really am, finishing with a dismissive laugh. Do you find it difficult to answer without explaining how you really are or feeling? Or do you just say, .. Oh I'm fine! Too often we keep to ourselves how difficult our daily lives actually are. As one member posted how irritating it is when someone says how well you look. I know people mean well but it is difficult at times.

[sassy59]

Pete always says he’s fine but if I’m there and it’s someone we know well I often say that he’s not alright.

People don’t really want to hear the truth. Xxxx

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

Too true. We have to be good fibbers. 😡

[RoadRunner44 in reply to sassy59]

Sad, but the truth!

[Hidden]

People fall into two groups, either they don’t really care how you are and telling them bores them or they care too much and telling them upsets them because they can’t do anything about it. So I always say ‘I’m doing fine’

That is why we have this forum of wonderful friends who absorb the waves of our distress!

[corriena]

If its family (close friend) i tell the truth if its anybody elce i just say im fine thank you. Im alway pleased when someone tells me im looking well i would hate to think i look as bad as i feel 😆😉

[elanaoali]

I am very blessed to have a church family and in that some very close friends who I can be absolutely truthful with. They will support me both mentally and spiritually by praying for me when I struggling with my asthma.

I in turn try to support my friends here on this forum and the asthma uk one.

[peege]

From experience I always say I'm fine thanks. Seen peoples eyes wander or glass over to often - even my family. Also I don't want to hear myself droning on either. Really, How are you? is just a figure of speech like the old fashioned good day.

[wheezyof]

I usually answer "I'm fine, thank you".

However one nurse greeted me with "You look well, how are you?" that's fine except dhe wasn't even looking in my direction. I'd been having a rotten few weeks so I replied " Apart from the bronchiectasis, the bronchiolitis obliterans , the skin complaints caused by my medication, the oseoporosis and having to give up work and most of my hobbies, well I'm great thanks"

Poor woman looked so shocked I had to say sorry.

So now I stick to fine.

Though I will confess to being a bit short with a fellow passenger on the bus last week. I do know her. She was moaning about a cough she's had for 3 weeks. I told her I've had mine for nearly 6 years and will have it for life. I offered her a swap.

It's really best to stick with fine.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to wheezyof]

The same thing happened to me recently when a friend was complaing about her cough. She went on and on about coughing, no sleep. She didn't even have time to ask me how I was so obviously didn't need an answer! You just have to laugh or you could cry with despair! Chrys

[powderpuff]

I always say I’m fine whether that be to family, friends, neighbours, my hairdresser or anyone else.

I am conscious how little it takes to bog people down these days & really don’t want to add to their concerns. Giving running accounts & updates can also be very tiresome - I’m not remotely liberated or burden relieved by the notion of sharing especially to people who haven’t the first idea of how hard it can really be & only ask to be polite.

[Oshgosh]

I usually say I’m ok.

If someone asks again,I might explain a bit

[HungryHufflepuff]

I work in a shop and people often ask how I am. Most often I reply Fine, thanks. If I'm really not feeling well I say Not too bad thanks. I'm working up the courage to say Bits of me are fine. Which would be more truthful! But I usually stick to fine. Most people are just making conversation, they don't really want to know. Of course I then feel obliged to ask, And how are you, to which they reply Fine, thanks. It's all a pointless exchange but I suppose it's better than being ignored.

[Titian8 in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

That's a perfect response 'bits of me are fine' I really like that as it's truthful but not moaning with a touch of humour too. Thanks for a great line.

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Titian8]

I think I stole the line from Don. It is a great line.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

We're a funny lot aren't we?

[SORRELHIPPO]

Mostly I reply "Fine and how are you" I know who are my very good friends and that they are actually asking if I able to go out at present, or if they can visit me in the near future (as when very bad cannot cope with callers). Most of these questions are asked on the telephone, and I know how to boost the "good/happy" feelings in my voice, because if I always moan or sound sad most people will stop telephoning.

As to people looking at you, I had my first bout of very bad Crohn's, off work for about 3 months, had gone down from a stocky 10 and a half stone to just under 8, was pale and obviously weak. Was trying to see if could work half time, by midday each day was obviously flagging. People persisted in saying how well I looked. Could not work out if they thought because I was now model thin, that I was fitter, or if they just did not see me. Rather a worry as we were all working in a Caring Profession, so pity help our clients/patients!!

I once took a Gentleman (with a neurological problem, who had just gone down a level and suddenly become in need of a wheelchair for all mobility) to see his Consultant. The Consultant did not look up from his desk, and said "we are walking well today Mr ......." He only looked up at the deafening silence, then he saw Gent sitting in a wheelchair!! very embarrassing for all of us.

[powderpuff in reply to SORRELHIPPO]

They probably thought you’d been dieting! Seriously, I mean it!

I also have Crohns. It was actually people’s reaction to the various aspects of that which started me keeping myself to myself, Ultimately, I just couldn’t be bothered!

[RoadRunner44 in reply to powderpuff]

I understand where your coming from. It can be irritating.

[Hidden]

I wrote this a couple of years ago with the title the same as your heading here:

When friends ask you how you are you have to say you're fine.

You could of course have told the truth, but most don't have the time.

My breathings bad, my foot is sore, my new teeth really hurt.

I have a pain here in my back and other things you blurt.

Then when you reach your final ailment mentioning your cough.

Don't be surprised if you then find, your friend has nodded off.

[SquirrelsHolt in reply to Hidden]

True to form, its a good one Mr.D ......(OMG!!!!! ive not said "good morning Mr.D "). See my brain fog is settling in more frequently now. Quite a worry really..I loved your rhyme and unfortunately if we go into any details about how we're feeling, folk tend to get distracted or like you say, actually drop off to sleep!!! 🐿💕

[RoadRunner44 in reply to Hidden]

Great stuff, Next time somebody asks me how I am I'll pull out a copy of your poem and say... This, says it all! Thanks Don, You've made us laugh again.

[Jaybird19 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you don. Two laughs today.

[Gladwyn]

In the surgery the doc asked me how I was and out of habit I answered "I'm fine thankyou". He grumpily asked what I was doing there then ! The "I'm fine thankyou" was an automatic response to the question I get asked around town lol.

[Katinka46]

Oh yes.... But you do know what FINE really stands for, don’t you? Well, F is for a word that I can’t write on here. I is for ‘insecure’. N is for ‘not’. E is for ‘explaining’.

Just bear that in mind next time you use it.

Cheers me up no end. And once I was told “Well, you look well and that’s the most important thing, isn’t?” Left me speechless.

A rare occurrence...

Love

Kate xxx

[RoadRunner44 in reply to Katinka46]

Unbelievable isn't it?

[garshe]

I always reply fine .I prefer not to say about my COPD..I remember asking older people and then they would go on an on about their ailments. I promptly learned not to ask but just day Hi , and talk about the weather lol. On of my lovely Grandmothers wise sayings. "Its better to be envied than pitied. 🥰🥰 xSheila

[RoadRunner44 in reply to garshe]

I have the same memories.

[Alias007]

Usually fine, thank you as talking about problems can be depressing. If I want to talk about it when really down, I say as well as can be expected under the circumstances and wait to see if the person wants to engage in conversation.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to Alias007]

That's a good way of being able to continue in more depth or if the response was mediocre then dont pursue it. Keeping the gate open, so as to speak.

[Aingeful]

The most I usually say is "a bit tired" or similar. They ask all the time since my pneumonia!

[B0xermad]

Hi I suppose if we told them the real issues it would take to long and they would be looking for a easy escape route😄

[Chaffinch42]

I have that problem too and its very annoying

I have just taken to saying l'll b better tomorrow and that shuts them up. I have numb fingers this am so I can talk about them but I am fed up with it all. Can't decide to go on struggling or just give up.

[Jomo46]

I say , I'm not so good today, but I go up and down- or quite good today. This is usually on my 20m minute daily walk, that is getting rather shorter in length as breathlessness and rests increase. I tend to see the same neighbours , and then we chat about their families.

[MoyB]

As a generally truthful person, I find it quite difficult to say 'I'm fine' when I'm really not so tend to say 'OK' or 'Not bad' , or 'Quite good at the moment' or, if I'm at my best, I'm pleased to say 'I'm fine!' with a big smile on my face! The people who know me best are usually wanting to know how my vertigo is, rather than the chest problems, and I think this is genuine concern to know if I'm ok to go out with them or not. xx Moy

[Reading4everyone]

I know exactly what you mean. I usually say “ How long have you got” and then laugh.

[Jaybird19]

Well i dont have a split personality but i do have one half of my body that is really fine . This is the right half but the left side is really crap , eye lung hip leg all on the way out. Spine is an individual who sides with the left side usually. I dont know about my brain what does the left sign govern. My art teacher talked about looking at things with different sides of brain but i have forgotten the details, so what do I say?

Do you know i do not remember!

Maybe nobody ever says that but if they do i will do the same as all of us here and say.--- I am fine, thank you ,. After all half of me is.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to Jaybird19]

A very cheery reply.

[mikeadams51]

I always say I’m fine mainly because I try to look on the bright side of life. Only the wife and close friends really know how I am feeling. Works for me.

[piggi]

I don’t think it’s necessary to reply with an in depth plan of your health at all. There’s always someone better or worse than yourself. The man next door to me is hours away from death from cancer.

I think people are asking about your state of mind. It’s a privilege to be given a few minutes to share that you feel happy/frustrated/annoyed/despairing/paranoid.... just the fact that someone cared to ask can pick you up. To decide they don’t really want to know about you because they don’t want a list of your ailments is not fair- they’ve probably got them all themselves too - especially this time of year.

[Ergendl]

I sometimes reply, "I've had better days. How are you?" This politely warns I'm not 100% without going into detail, and throws the conversation back to the person asking after me, to deflect them.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to Ergendl]

Yes, that's a good way of replying. We have to remember that some people don't want to go into great detail about their health anyway. Yes, I like your reply.

[dragdog]

Even my dr said I looked well after telling me I had mild emphysema. I suppose in some ways I look better than I did last time he saw me at least I wasent in a hospital gown in bed .

[RoadRunner44 in reply to dragdog]

That's Life!