I keep getting this thought...

[Phil40]

I keep getting this thought whenever I write here that I sound like Norman Bates or something because I am always saying ‘my Mum’ this or that. Because, obviously, it is she I am the carer for, and not myself, living with COPD. As far as I know anyway, I do wonder sometimes.

Or that English poet or writer whose name eludes me. Alan someone who was always writing about his Mother.

Caring for Mum has been the hardest thing I have ever done. And it has been and is a very challenging and surprising and frustrating etc etc experience.

Just thought I would share that thought.

And wish all a good weekend.

[Caspiana]

Hello Phil,

Edgar Allan Poe once wrote , “In the Heaven's above, the angels, whispering to one another, can find, among their burning terms of love, none so devotional as that of 'Mother.” and I haven't seen any of your posts that read like that so I think you are quite safe. 😂😊

My ultimate dream is to care for my mum and see her off before I take my own last bow. I can't see any greater honour in life to be honest.

I cared for my late in- laws till they passed and so I understand the challenges. What I can say is make time for yourself too. And well done you!

Have a lovely weekend.

Cas xx 👋

[Phil40 in reply to Caspiana]

Thank you, that’s really moving.

Have a good one yourself xx

I was just reading about Philip Larkin the poet.

He wrote ‘This be the verse’ amongst a lot of other work.

I have to admit I can relate to that poem’s content about parenting more than Poe’s most days haha.

And I am not going to be the person who posts it either because I haven’t been told off for ages haha.

[HungryHufflepuff]

I think it just makes you sound like a very caring person.

[Phil40 in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Thanks.

I have to say I have some very uncaring thoughts sometimes 😂

Payback is the other term for a female dog 😂

[Hidden]

Hi Phil. Caring for other people is extremely hard no matter how much you want to do it. When it comes to mothers it is a complete role reversal. It is a challenge so be proud of yourself for stepping up to the plate. When it does get frustrating put the kettle on and count to ten! Don’t forget to look after yourself too.

[Phil40]

Thank you for your reply.

My moment of clarity around role reversal came one day a couple of years ago when I asked her if she had mentioned something to her doctor to which she said ‘Yes’ . Very sheepishly.

And I don’t think she has ever lied in her life; it was sooo obviously a lie; and I thought ‘OMG! When did that happen? This is not how this works!’ 😂

Interesting dynamics indeed.

And I think that Alan was Alan Bennett maybe? Writing about his Mum??

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Phil40]

Oh yes his monologues about his mum 🙃

[sassy59]

You’re doing a great job Phil and I understand how challenging being a carer can be. I look after Pete and also cared for my late mother as she lived with us. Role reversal is an odd thing to get your head around but you get there.

Are you on the Care Community site? I am, so please join. You’ll be most welcome.

Take care of you too, that can be the hardest part. Xxxxx

[katieoxo60]

Hi Phil40, caring for a family member is a difficult task as is caring in a care home. It is not unusual to have the feelings you do, but you still care for your mum or you would not be having these thoughts. Do give yourself some me time , I cared for my late father-in-law in the days when there was very little social help or awareness, the thoughts carers share haven't changed much over the years. I also cared for my terminally ill husband but we had carers to help then. If you can get help it does take the reasponsibility off you a little, even a cleaner popping in can ease the stress. Life can be hard on occassions with little or no let up. Don't beat yourself up only carers can know how hard it is and you all do a great job and don't bottle up your feelings its natural to have them. Enjoy this lovely sunny weekend best you can. take care

[Hacienda]

Hi Phil, Your doing a Grand Job, it is not easy and you must always come on here to share your Thoughts & Frustrations, it is not an easy Thing caring for a Loved one. Though I am not Totally Disabled like some on our Forum, My Hubby takes care of the Things I can't do and he works. Just having my Daughter here recently (from Spain) I wanted to Hold her & Keep her Here with me. Be Strong Phil as you always have Been. Love to your Mum. Hugs, Carolina XXXX

[Izb1]

Dont worry about telling us about Mum, we understand you are the carer. Caring for anyone is difficult Phil but more so your Mum, you are doing a fantastic job. My Mum was fiercely independant and hated that I had to do things for her, I used to make her laugh to cover embarrassment. On the last month I tried to tell her everyday how much I loved her, but as everybody says, you need to look after yourself as well. Do take care x

[soul-123]

Well done not many people could do what you are doing like everyone says take time out for yourself x