Never judge a book...

[wheezyof]

Never judge a book by its cover as the old saying goes. When I'm sitting still I look healthy. Apart from two chronic lung conditions, osteoporosis, steroid cataracts and eczema I am healthy.

However, like many other people here I hate being judged by people who don't know me. Thursday a friend and I got together for a catch up. We had a pot of tea and a slice of cake and a long chat. As it was our first get together for over a year among other topics we discussed our health issues. A couple at a nearby table had obviously been listening to us while pretending to read their papers.

As we left the tea rooms, in a garden centre, we stopped to look at some plants. The other couple left soon after but couldn't see us behind the plant display. They were talking about us as scroungers, on benefits we don't need...

My friend still works even though she is waiting for a knee cap replacement.

I do get PIP, because I can't walk far even with a wheeled seat,(my 'princess' chair) find bending, reaching up, lifting and carrying incredibly painful and tiring. Slopes are very difficult and stairs my nemesis. My husband does most of our housework, anything heavy of course he also deals with dust as that sets off my cough.

I do manage a little gardening, no lifting or digging and that helps to maintain the health I still have. It gives me a sense of still contributing to the house when I produce a few vegetables. It lifts my mood when I sit watching the wildlife on my veg patch. I do a lot of sitting between small jobs to ease my breathing.

I do go to our local shop sometimes for a little shopping but only what will fit in my 'princess' chair or hang on the handles.

I go to a Knit and natter group and a Breathe Easy group.

Rant over. Sorry about that. I'm not the only one to feel judged am I?

[stone-UK]

Hi

Benefits are there to assist people who find them selves in a difficult situation or to enable people lead as much a normal life as possible. If you meet the criteria your are entitled. You don’t have to wear a sticker explaining the reason.

Sure there are many who abuse the system, but I will guarantee there are more younger people than people with a chronic illness not being so truthful.

[sassy59]

Not nice to hear people speaking like that wheezyof. I would have been so tempted to have popped out and told them a few facts about debilitating illness just to have seen the look on their faces.

Have a good weekend and no you’re not alone, ignore the detractors. Xxxxx

[2greys in reply to sassy59]

Yet it is these same people that will be first in the queue for benefits, should they have a simple ailment. Upsetting as it is, just ignore them. Ask yourself, how is it that they are not at work instead of sat there earwigging on people they don't know instead of earning a living themselves? Then ask just who is the scrounger. you or them! That is how to turn the tables on them.

[Caspiana]

Hello wheezyof .

Yes! I have experienced this sort of thing, though not quite as blatant. I need ambulatory oxygen, so when I am driving I don't wear my cannula , it gets in the way. I put it on when I reach my destination. I park in the disabled bay. I always get the odd state or sometimes even glare. It's not nice but after over a year I am used to it. There are of course really nice , caring people too , like the lady who offered to return my trolley to the market, or people who offer me their seat in the train.

Honestly, when people judge you, in reality it's not about you, it's about them, and their own insecurities. People tend to zero in and criticize what they view as imperfections they see in others because secretly, they see it in themselves. So, please don't spend another minute thinking about it. Enjoy your lovely garden. 🌞

Have a wonderful weekend.

Cas xx 🍀🌱🌿🌻🍓🍎

[BSA-3 in reply to Caspiana]

Wise words, Cas, yet again! 😁

[Caspiana in reply to BSA-3]

Good morning BSA-3 . 😊

[BSA-3 in reply to Caspiana]

Good morning to you too, Caspiana. I hope you're as well as can be. Pretty grotty here this morning. It's quite cold and there's about 50-75 mm of snow. What's it doing in your neck of the woods?

[Caspiana in reply to BSA-3]

We have had a sunny 🌞 day so far. 🐞🐝 But next week it will be continuously rainy. But that's okay. 😊 I'm sorry about your snow. I hope you keep warm and have a lovely Sunday. ☕🍓

[BSA-3 in reply to Caspiana]

Thank you. I'm going for a meal with my son and his girlfriend and I'm really looking forward to it, but, ( there's always a "but" isn't there?), I'm a bit apprehensive because it's the first time in over 2 years that I've been anywhere near alcohol. I know, categorically, that I won't have any, but it's the smell and the whole drinking environment that I'm a little concerned about. Mindst, there is also a strong chance that I might throw up if I smell it, lol. I can feel nauseous if I even think about the bloody stuff ! (No bad thing, actually.) Anyway, I'm determined that all 3 of us are going to have a good time. Take good care, Cas.

[Caspiana in reply to BSA-3]

You will have a good time BSA-3 . Even without the drink. Just remember how far you've come and how much you've accomplished these last two years and be proud of it. xx 🌹

[BSA-3 in reply to Caspiana]

Thank you, Cas.😊

[Hacienda]

Hello my Dear,

Yes, I know exactly how "Don't judge a Book etc" works. Only Yesterday, I was approached with Wow, you look great, have you had your Transplant yet ? Seeing that I am on oxygen, I thought Odd. They don't see the Oxygen,, mine is like a Shoulder Bag but the cannula is positively stuck up my nose. I do however if I know I'm going out, put my Makeup on and most definitely Have nice Bright red Lips. Ha Ha . Yes People do perceive a different picture of you when your looking well, They don't see the Days your gasping for air and your Body cannot function without the Steroids or Inhalers, Oxygen, your arms are Bruised with the Steroids and you disguise this with long sleeves.. Yes, We have to Nod and Smile, Because we are not going to Let The Beast out in front of Anyone. Our Condition is frowned upon by most, " The Smoking Stigma" even when you have never smoked. Please carry on Ignoring them and Rejoice that we are Enjoying each day as it Comes. As Stone says, we are Entitled to our Benefits, we have passed the Means Test. Stay Positive Hun. Best Wishes to you. Carolina XXXXX

[wheezyof in reply to Hacienda]

Re the bruises. I wear long sleeves and always wear trousers. Just as well because my bruises look like I've been battered and my husband is a built like a brick outhouse! I once tripped over a paving stone, knocked myself out and ended up at the hospital with a purple face and concussion. The nurses and doctors kept me away my from my poor husband and asked if he had battered me! It was nice to know they cared and were aware of domestic violence but in my case their concern was not needed. This was long before my lung problems.

[Hidden]

Some people thrive on being nasty about others. Dont worry, not worth worrying over people like that. Sad people, need to live and let live.

[Hidden]

You rant all you want wheezyof. You don't need to explain to us we all understand only too well. XXXX

[frose]

An expectation that disability is always visible, serves only to confirm their ignorance. Shrug it off. Or tell them they are ignorant - my own preferred course of action 😉

[Weeannie]

Don’t let the ignorance of silly people bother you even for a second. Who cares what total strangers think, they don’t know you and therefore can’t make any informed decision about you. Don’t even give it a second thought, you can’t defeat ignorance x

[Lyd12]

My mum's favourite saying was "my looks don't pity me". She had a lot of pain with osteoporosis, but was not a moaner and was very pretty, she died aged 91 in a nursing home where she was content to be, saying she didn't want to go into a home, she was happy where she was. COnfused yes, but so patient with her ailments.

[wheezyof in reply to Lyd12]

What a lovely Mum you had xx

[Lyd12]

My mum grew up in a childrens home, where she was treated roughly. Hardly ever talked about it, but her father was killed in a dockyard accident and the youngest two children,my mother and her brother, had to go in a home as they were so poor. Her two sisters and older brother were able to work. She was tough, and expected the same from others, no kisses, or hugs for me, she had no affection in her childhood.

[wheezyof in reply to Lyd12]

I'm sure a lot of parents were non huggers. My Mother never hugged or kissed us children. Praise was a no go area too. We would be told we should have done better or if we did well that was just greeted with being told that was what was expected. However as other children's parents were the same... Mother was good to us. We were well fed and clothed, taken on long walks in the country with a picnic, encouraged to read and play board games. Mother worked hard, kept the house clean and was a great one for knitting, sewing and other handicrafts.

[Lyd12]

Its so different today, isn't it. Children are praised for the smallest thing. Its good to hear you were treated similarly. As you say, perfect in so many ways, cooking, sewing, knitting, taken to doctors, well cared for. My first experience of motherly hug was from my boyfriends mother, took me by surprise, today get many hugs from sons and daughters in law.

[wheezyof in reply to Lyd12]

You are right about it being different today. I worked in a school, as a learning support assistant for a child with additional needs, where some of the children had parents who expected their child to be praised for everything. They wanted full on praise all the time. The school policy was much more balanced. Encouragement to try and degrees of praise according to the effort the child put in. Lots of chances to earn rewards.

I too get lots of hugs now, family and friends. It's much nicer. The only time my family don't hug me is when they have coughs/colds then they stay away for my sake. Thankfully we all have internet/phones etc. x