Long before I became this sort of enfeebled old lady, living in a leaky cottage, on the edge of a bog, I used to enjoy Christmas. There'd I'd be cooking mince pies and feeding an enormous rich cake with brandy every week and planning and organising and decorating like someone possessed...
We'd spend huge amounts of money on choosing exactly the right presents and I'd get writers cramp from signing and addressing cards...
Now the children are scattered and they have families of their own and one is already a Grandparent and they have their lives to lead...
So we don't much bother anymore.
I've grown too cynical about the hype...the perfectly hideous and over-priced toys on sale...the endless glitter and the carols sung with little enough real feeling behind the words...those awful mindless 'Gifts For The Man In Your Life'...soap shaped like golf balls and daft coffee mugs printed with off-colour phrases...
Supermarkets are stacked floor to ceiling with boxes of biscuits and chocolates and every single magazine holds the promise of The Best Christmas Ever within it's pages...
The charities are out in force...rattling their tins for babies with AIDS and how to buy a goat for a poor farmer in a country that changes it's name as often as we change our knickers...dogs homes and cat sanctuaries plead for tins of food and you are entreated to fill a shoebox stuffed with goodies for a Tibetan refugee...
The general understanding is that Jesus was born in May and early Christian's snaffled the Pagan Winter Solstice to suit their own ends...
So I fill a big brown earthenware jug with Holly and drape lengths of Ivy across our mantelpiece and make sure I have a couple of decent thrillers on my Kindle...Himself watches wrestling bouts on his laptop and eats chocolate...we try not to mind that the various children send messages via Facebook or a brief e-mail, rather than picking up the 'phone to wish us a Happy Christmas and me a Happy Birthday...
I pretend it doesn't matter in the least because we don't celebrate Christmas as such and why ever would we care if they remember us or not...
You know I feel the same way about all the hype, and rushing to and fro spending stupid amounts of money, I did all that, no more, I also have grown up children with grandchildren whom I adore, my husband died last year, don't feel like putting up a Xmas tree, but I will with some decorations around and about, I know what you mean about emails instead of phone calls, same here, I don't know whether to go to my daughter's for Xmas day or stay by myself, I proberbly will go, you can have a nice little old fashioned Xmas with you and himself as you call him, are you Irish by any chance, that is one place I would love to be for Xmas, I have relations there so I could go, just you do what you can do stress free and enjoy it. Annette
I feel the same as vashti and angse. I used to love \Christmas when the children were young but with a sick husband that could well be gone by Christmas, I will be looking forward to 2015. Hopefully Brian's suffering will be over but for me......
Got to admit we feel the same now,the kids ( 47 and 50) have their own lives,and we are quite happy to spend Christmas on our own,eating when and what we want snoozing if we feel like it, don't go overboard now days.
And if you are happy that way then isn't it grand...and you don't have to look in the box of chocolates and find someone else has eaten all your favourites...lol
Very true, my eldest Son lives in Frankfurt,but will be visiting for a few days the week before Christmas,younger Son lives only 15 miles away but goes away with friends every Christmas,so yes we have a peaceful restful time,after all we are getting on a bit now,Lol
I feel your sadness there vashti. Do you get to see your kids much and your grandchildren?
I have never really had all that Christmassy thing as I don't have kids but it must be such a comedown for you. I spent my first Christmas on my own 3 years ago and I was dreading it. But I made the most of it. I took the dog out for a long walk and got chatting to loads of folk, then I went in my local pub and met some drinking friends and we had a few drinks and a good laugh or 2. Then I went home and cooked myself a lovely meal. So it turned out ok.
I think it is much to commercialised as well but most of all I hate it starting so early - the media is obsessed by it and it seems to be all everyone talks about for months beforehand. It just makes me feel more depressed and alone. There must be a lot like me. It is ridiculous!
I hope you and Himself have a good time anyway love and enjoy yourselves. x
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It's all the hype isn't it...there is almost no advice or comfort for people who will be spending the day on their own...it's all 'family and friends' and the perfect dinner and table setting.
We have one daughter who visits twice a year with her husband...they are lovely and we so enjoy them coming over...the others don't bother! Teresa has a big family of her own though so they don't come at Christmas...
Take care Coughalot...I'll be thinking about you propping up the bar...lol
It can of course...spend yours as you wish and look forward to the coming year xxx
I feel just the same about Christmas, but even worse about the new year. All the celebrations welcoming it in does not prevent the catasrophies that happen soon afterwards. I think it also has something to do with our age, we have lost people we loved around the time and sad memories come flooding back. Many years ago I spent an afternoon at my sons school carol concert even though my dad had died that morning cos I didn't want to let him down. I have shopped on line this year and most of our presents are now wrapped to give out. Christmas will be spent relaxing in front of the TV. Have our granddaughters 21st party too look forward to on the 27th. Feel so sorry for people who have no one to even talk to at Christmas. Joyce
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Have to confess that New Year passes us by...it's donkeys years since we went to a party or stayed up to watch the television...I'd rather go to bed and read now...
You have a party to look forward to...enjoy it and remember those who have passed with fond memories rather than tears...Vashti xxx
You're a beacon in the darkness Vashti, those are my sentiments also but I learnt to lie about my true feelings to avoid the gushing pity and well meant 'talks' from those who have'nt a clue, yet!!
I'm content in my own company but like you I have fond memories of what fun it was when small children were around. Now even my granddaughters are grown and the 'magic is all manufactured. My husband died almost 30 yrs ago and I've never been into self pity, life is what it is so I just get on with it, nice though to shake hands with a kindred spirit, someone likely to have a laugh if they got a 'Ho bloody Ho' Xmas card. X
Ha...if I received a Ho Bloody Ho card I'd probably frame it! We have to make our own magic now and if that means trudging down a muddy lane to walk the dogs then so be it...
Thanks for that, vashti, it is quite a weight off to know that I am not alone (at least in my thoughts) over Christmas ! I hope that yours is a good one.
Just for a minute there, I thought "I can't remember writing that!" You have just put all I think about Christmas into words Vashti - except the "Himself" part - I don't have one of those. Last Christmas we had a power cut for nearly 4 days. It was dreadful. No heat, light, hot water or anything else. I had a ham sandwich for my Christmas,as dinner and stayed in bed fully dressed! This year I have opened up the fire place and am now having a lovely warm, glowing "proper" fire. That way at least I shall be able to keep warm and have something hot to drink if it happens again. I hope you can manage to enjoy Christmas, it can be a very lonely time for us who have no family near. Lovely for the kids, but a nightmare for Mum and Dad with all the expense. Last thought - Jesus was born in September (according to the astronomers) because that's when the so-called "Star in the East" appeared. And like everything else it was quickly hit upon by the early Christians and adapted for their own convenience. I'll shut up now or I'll be getting lots of people preaching at me and telling me I'm wrong? Which I'm not! lol X
You're right of course about it being September...I think May was once the option but was discarded.
Your last Christmas sounds perfectly foul though I have to admit your description reminded me of my Mother's favourite words to recite every single year when I was a child...'Daddy had to eat a boiled egg for his dinner because you were being born'...like it was my fault...lol
I hope you are warm and cosy this year with your new fire...xxx
I'm sure I shall be Vashti. I wish you and everyone on this site a very happy and peaceful Christmas and a very healthy (as much as we can be) New Year. XX
Yes, feel the same sometimes...and yet...and yet... among all those wonderful memories we forget how exhausting it all was but really we couldn't do it now, could we? Like you the most hurtful bit is the brief messages from family but I shall also tuck myself into an armchair with a good book, bottle of plonk, lots of olives and sweets! and just say to hell with the rest of them.
Actually Emmo now you mention it I couldn't even lift a dead turkey in and out of the oven...and Himself has a bad back so he wouldn't be able either...lol
Oh dear! Am I the only person who still enjoys Christmas as much as I did as a child? For me it's like a lamp glowing in the darkness up ahead, taking the greyness of winter away until the solstice when I know we're moving back to the sun. It took the OH and me 15 years to produce our one and only sprog (mind you we had a lot of fun trying) but even childless we did the whole shebang, the crib, lights, decorations, humungous turkeys which my old darling enjoyed right up to New Year's day. I always felt that with no kid of our own it was lovely to celebrate another's Birthday. When we were finally "blessed with issue" as they say, all the stops were pulled out and in a bigger house we were able to have the Christmas Tree that I had missed for so long. Soon the box of delights will come down from the loft and I will spend two blissful days, dressing the tree with lights and baubles (some of which go back to the 1930's), and though my back will be creaking I'll still look at it with joy until January 6th. Woe betide me if I forget any of the usual suspects - Rudolf the reindeer, he and Dad picked him up on the beach, tiny bedraggled thing which I lovingly refurbished and son checks for still! Everything has a sentimental attachment. We never spent vast sums, lots of the stuff was home crafted but , to me the memories these evoke are beyond all price. Maybe the true message of Christmas has become a bit lost in an evermore secular world, but for me it's all about the love I have received and, I hope, returned.
Such a lovely heartfelt article Dragonmum....I so enjoyed reading it. Thank you very much indeed for brightening up a cold Sunday and may this coming Christmas be the start of many more to come xxxx
Since our son has disowned us for whatever his reasons. .......although we think we know , and am ashamed to admit we see no one.
Last year the two grown grandkids came to go shopping and or to collect gifts during the week before, after that there was a call on Christmas morning to say thankyou..........We have good dear friends but they have their own families. SO. This year we are off on a cruise, away for 17 nights.
Not back till well into January. Our first Christmas away in 48 years.
Seems strange not getting the baubles out , not making the cake or buying a turkey. Am not gift shopping except for friends. The grandkids can have money in a card.,.........Just over three weeks to go and I'm starting to get excited.
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Ooooo...how lovely for you both. I hope you'll be somewhere warm and sunny...you'll be able to relax and eat food you haven't had to think about and everyone else can go and boil their heads!
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Thank you for those kind words....
Its the Canaries. New years day will be in Casablanca.
Now I am looking forward to that.Along with not having to cook.
J.
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It sounds wonderful, I hope you both have fabulous time!
Hi vashita, Those words rang so true especialy the way text as taken over the human contact element can be very painful sometimes..... I used to love christmas, the house being full of family and laughter and all the trimmings, midnight mass its all gone. Have no himself anymore (wish I had ) spent last christmas in bed ill with a bowl of soup for my dinner and two text one from each son to check if I was ok, not sure if they even bothered to read my answer saying I was fine really and to enjoy their day. After that I no longer expect anything than I can't be disappionted
I guessed you were Irish when you referred to your husband as himself, both my parents were Irish and came from Kilmihill CO Clare, so you and himself lol. Have the kind of Xmas that suits you both and have a good one and leave Himself alone and stop nagging him haha. Let me know how your Xmas goes. Annette
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MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM DOWN UNDER
Ode to Christmas.
Christmas and New Year
Christmas alone
A Merry Christmas to everyone and your families
