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>ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE
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> From JOHN CLEESE
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> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
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> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.
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> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
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> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
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> The
Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
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> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
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> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
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Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the last final escalation level.
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> Regards,
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> John Cleese,
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> British writer, actor and tall person
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> And as a final
thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
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