ONLY WHEN I LAUGH: "Do you think I... - Lung Conditions C...

Lung Conditions Community Forum

56,325 members66,956 posts

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH

libby7827 profile image
14 Replies

"Do you think I shall live until I'm ninety, doctor?"

"How old are you now?"

"Forty."

"Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?"

"No. I don't drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven't any vices."

"Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?"

~~~~~~~

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

~~~~~~~

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Written by
libby7827 profile image
libby7827
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
14 Replies

Nice one Libby :) xx

Like the last one, I'd have to do the same, that's if i had a wife and knew where my plastic gnashers were to start with ! :O

in reply to

Suppose I could always give her a big suck !!! Mmmm, naughty thoughts, Teehee ;)

sillywitch profile image
sillywitch

Oh dear, god knows what Neil & me will be like in our 90s cause we,re like that now!!!!

Brilliant Libby :D :D :D

xxxx

hahaha !! love them, - :) :)

Anna xxxx

Loved them :d

Tina xx

Funny I loved them especially the first one heheheh, brightened up a dark rainy day here in my part of lincs xxxxxxxxxxx

JULIE

scrobbitty profile image
scrobbitty

Yep loved the first one - still chuckling at that :) x

in reply toscrobbitty

lol I sent that first one to my mum and she nearly choked on her boiled sweet, she just skyped me to say I have to give her a warning to 'take sweet out of mouth before reading' -- lol

xxxx

phillips1 profile image
phillips1

Nice one Lib. The start of a happy evening.

Love from Bobby xxxx

Good laugh on a rainy evening!! Thanks - annieseed xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails

ExcelHeeHEE

Richard

your daily tonic

ROFLOL - just what I needed to pick me up, thanks Libby :)

Sandra x x x

undine profile image
undine

LOL very good thank you. x

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

Come on everybody its boogie time. :D

Time 0630 weather down here at the moment cold overcast in fact other than it not raining there is...
holly17 profile image

Hi All HealthUnlockders I don't normally moan

I am not one of those moaners,you know when a man gets 'man flu' who lets everyone know about it...

The Push.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The...
2greys profile image

When men should really keep quiet!

Husband and wife are sitting in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a question:...
huggs profile image

Humour

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Tesco. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and...

Moderation team

See all
AsthmaandLung profile image
AsthmaandLungAdministrator
moderator_AandLUK profile image
moderator_AandLUKAdministrator
Claire_ALUK profile image
Claire_ALUKAdministrator

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.