Not sure what to title this, grief I guess???

[floating_]

I feel like it might be inappropriate for me to be this upset about the loss of an elderly patient, but I've known her for like the last 3 weeks or so and I've grown to care about her (was readmitted into the same bay). Anyone else been through this when they've been admitted? How did you cope with it?

[four4]

I hv no same experience but I hv similar feeling when a goldfish (I treat it as my friend) kept by my workplace died in one winter. I cried a lot and felt so down for a few days. It sounds ridiculous but it happens to me. I think I am a depressive person and make me emotionally more sensitive than others.

Time heals everything you will eventually feel better when u think of her. Keep ur routine as usual and engage in other activities will help.

[Oldandgray]

As a retired nurse I know where you are coming from. People asked me how I coped and I used to say “ I see them through glass clearly”. Meaning that however much I cared there had to remain a barrier. However of all the thousands I have looked after there were a few that got through and I can still clearly see and feel them. It hurt but it was also a learning tool to remember the compassion and the caring that sent us into the profession. We can only do our best. ❤️

[Poobah]

Being admitted to hospital, especially as an emergency, can make us feel vulnerable. It's through empathy that we recognise vulnerability in others in the same predicament, and if they are elderly it can compound the feeling. Seeing a fellow patient pass is upsetting and more so if we've been part of their final days.

It's been quite a few years, but on two admissions I witnessed two separate deaths on the respiratory ward,one especially upset me as I thought it was totally avoidable. I was very unwell at the time and quite young - I shed many tears at the loss, even though it wasn't mine. I can still remember hearing the chap's widow crying in the sister's office (which was next to my bed). It was heartbreaking. My family thought I was being over sensitive, and maybe I was - I had nearly not made it on admission, and felt more vulnerable than usual.

Another experience on the same ward had me meeting Mary who had been placed in the bed next to mine. Her case was complex and she was blind. She had just had a leg amputated due to diabetic complications but her respiratory health meant she would be cared for on the respiratory ward post op. Because she was blind she talked to me alot, regardless of the time of day. I was early twenties and rather overwhelmed by her predicament. The second night she was very quiet and it was only when staff brought a metal wheeled coffin in between our beds, and placed her in it, that I realised that she had died. She hadn't had any visitors and it just seemed a desperately sad end for her. I certainly wept a few tears for Mary and couldn't wait to have visitors that day, just to try and have some contact with the familiar.

Those memories are still quite clear in my memory, 40 years on. It certainly taught me about the fragility of life and how precious it is. A more recent stay on an oncology ward was very emotional - every patient having tests and dreading results, waiting for operations and, again, waiting for histology for a week after the op. Results brought either relief & tears or grief & tears - the place was emotionally charged on a daily basis. And patients, all strangers, were extremely supportive of one another. Empathy & vulnerability is the human condition in that situation and grief is so very normal.

As for coping with that grief? Returning home and feeling things get back to normal, though I wouldbe more emotional for some time afterwards, the experience and lesson stays with you. It certainly helps one become more kind and to never take anything for granted, after all, you're the one who got to come home and be with loved ones.

[PaulRosedene in reply to Poobah]

Thank you Poobah. What a beautiful post !

[ChrissieMons]

You are at your most vulnerable when you are physically ill, so such a bereavement is bound to affect you. Your grief is a way of honouring this person, and love is never wasted. You will, of course, come to terms with this in time, in your own way. One usually does, but the memories remain.