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am I the only one feeling so down still ?

Polly44 profile image
19 Replies

anyone else feeling so hopeless?, things look the same but nothing is, trying so hard but so sick of feeling sad. honestly feel like im the only one who hasn't seen my grandson now ha ha, the world moving on but im stuck in my sadness, grandson lives manchester and me in london (bus/ tram/ 3 trains away from me) , i have been shielding, son works as carer does not live with me, other son lives in nz. (so glad he does) got my partner but nothing can feel the emptiness i feel , i want my life back seeing my grandson son (use to stay every other week). grandsons mum just had another child not related to me, if she gets covid will be all our fault, anything my grandson come down with always come from us. and i dont feel safe traveling all that way, son wont risk anyone cos his job convinced will be a second wave. If wasn't for my kids my grandson who doesn't even have time to talk to me anymore even on phone lol, says im busy (glad he is not missing me now , was lost start of lockdown spoke to me everyday) my son missing his son but wont risk seeing him, if wasn't for all of them i would honestly know they need me there when they need me, well i would honestly say life what like whats the point. just sad is it just me still feels like this ha ha. not seeing anyone people all think all normal, wish i could say hang it see everyone like everyone else seems to be (feels like it to me).

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Polly44 profile image
Polly44
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19 Replies
TwickChick profile image
TwickChick

Normal is relative - I didn’t realised I was depressed and had anxiety badly until I started taking sertaline and I believe my first words to my doctor were this is what it feels like to be normal.

Start small notice one nice thing about yourself, take part in an activity you enjoy whether by yourself or socially. Stay in contact with people though, mind used to run some fan groups run for people with low mood by those who had overcome it or occasionally still suffer the joys.

I love my thought do arty app which helps me look at things from A different point of view (I catastrophies, think mountain pit of a molehill) and please believe you are not alone. We’re all on here to help ourselves but also to support each other, 1 day at a time :)

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply toTwickChick

HI yeah definitely one day at a time eh, I think just feels like never going to end sometimes eh. Oh i have people to talk to even other family members that need to talk to someone. Im ok just cant seem to stop my eyes watering at times ha ha. I will get there im sure. things will get better in time.

Oldandgray profile image
Oldandgray

I think what you are feeling is being felt, in various degrees, by a lot of people. Having been on lockdown since March to 1 August it’s proving very difficult to get back to any sort of normality. I haven’t been in a supermarket since March.

Got told off yesterday by the Asthma nurse for not calling an ambulance in June for an asthma attack. Who wanted to go anywhere near a hospital in June!

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply toOldandgray

hi I totally agree think is being felt in various degrees by alot of people, and totally dont blame you not wanting to go the hospital in june, I have 3 appointments coming up for ct scan, lung function test then follow up with consultant after and i don't want to go to any of them let alone public transport to get there. I went to lidl for first time yesterday morning, got bus and got there soon as it opened so wasn't to many people and got uber home. I even went to pub garden twice now ha ha. so have got out few times now, doubt i will go supermarket again for a long time but was so good to actually pick up my own things for once. tc thanks for the message :) was just feeling it last night, miss my son /grandson and just want it to all be over with (as we all do eh)

mylungshateme profile image
mylungshateme

Hi polly44,

First I'm so sorry your feeling like this. I don't think you are the only one feeling almost trapped (sorry I don't mean to put words in your mouth) it really doesn't help being in shielding then all of a sudden safe to go out when covid-19 still with us, then when you do go out others aren't careful behaving as if covid-19 hasn't happened its frustrating to say the least.

But I think what someone said about low mood and anxiety is worth thinking about. I would have a chat with gp sometimes we all need a little help to re balance them chemicals. Also your local council can offer support like phone calls for chat like having a friend or social distance cuppa in garden for those that were shielding to help with some normality. 🙂

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply tomylungshateme

hi yes was being silly sure loads feel exactly as i do eh. I have got out 3 times now, went lidl soon as they opened yesterday and been to pub garden twice now (didnt want to go home ha ha) Home feels more like prison then home sometimes. I know i am probably a little depressed, a pandemic will do that to you eh. defo frustrating and scary to have to feel you have to go shopping the minute the shops open and bus early as possible cos you know people are not even trying anymore and of course being shielded makes you feel even more scared thinking well they shielded me cos they think im more at risk of dying from it oh great lol. Im sure i have quite a few more tears to come, i will see my grandson again one day eh, just got to say pull myself together things could be alot worse, there is alot worse off than me eh :) .

mylungshateme profile image
mylungshateme in reply toPolly44

Aww polly you are not being silly at all your simply voicing how you feel which is a huge positive step forward when feeling down. So well done for recognising that, next step chat with gp for that extra support. And as others have said with their good advice facetime, walks, talk to your partner. You dont want to sink too far down that black hole as harder to climb back out. 🙂

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply tomylungshateme

Thinking the few wines i had last night probably didnt help me eh ha ha. I know i probably should talk to my doctor but always get a different one every time i speak to them. (hard enough keep telling the same stuff over and over again about my hi lung infections, they never listen/look at my notes so makes me not want to talk to them to be honest. I will see how i go, need to get back on exercise some routine wil help me. ( i did a few weeks ago and started to feel more like myself again, soon as i stopped i felt sad again.) I will get there :) x

mixmix profile image
mixmix

Polly, Hey

I totally get what your feeling and your not alone. I think most people shielding feel the exact same.

I’m so frustrated ! Seeing the world continue as normal whilst is shileders at at home.

Sometime we need to just be grateful for the little things - in order to get over the what we are struggling with.

You have a partner and company that is a major plus !

Try zoom and FaceTime nothing replaces real contact but we must take the small wins we get.

I’m struggling as well and have many down days. I’m shielding alone and have been for 5 months. I’ve never felt so alone and disconnected from the world.

I just keep thinking as each day goes on we are closer to the end of Covid

Stay safe

Mix

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply tomixmix

Hi ya ahh i hear you completely and feel for you shielding alone, I really hope you have people looking out for you, honestly can just imagine and your totally right its a major plus i have my partner i am lucky for that , I have thought the same myself many times. I have been out 3 times twice to a pub garden and once lidl yesterday soon as they opened, very scary even getting a bus i left my house at 7.30 to go shopping, doubt will do it again anytime soon ha ha(problem is you literally don't want to go home after when sitting in pub garden was soo lovely ha ha. so there is 2 more things to be grateful for that i actually got out and wasn't stuck in my prison... i mean my home lol. feels that way sometimes eh. they say its safe for us to go out but who actually feels that way after being shielded ?. you tc stay safe we will get through this :) ps my grandson is now hooked on adopt me /mine craft and whatever games he plays now (only 6 bless him) but all the reply i get from him is im busy/ playing my game , but honestly glad he is more content now (was horrible how lost he was at start of lock down, so given the choice him being lost or more content on computer games well i will take second one rather that than him being sad eh.

hilary39 profile image
hilary39

It makes complete sense you're feeling like this. For people who are at-risk due to health conditions or their age group, it seems like shielding is getting quite tedious and difficult. The days can be long, repetitive, and lonely. I'm staying in 90% of the time (it sounds like I'm getting out more than you though) but I know what you mean, it seems like so many people have resumed life as normal in spite of the fact that the pandemic is worsening right now in Europe.

I listened to a great podcast with a reporter from the NYT who said he'd rather skip seeing his granddaughter this year so he can see her graduate in 18 years and I felt like that captured what the shielding is all about. It's tedious to play it safe but probably smart in the long run because the virus is so abritrary about who it makes quite ill.

I got covid in April just from a quick run to the shops and pharmacy, wearing a mask and social distancing, so I can attest to how easily it can spread when you do go out.

Can you Facetime or Skype with your grandson?

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply tohilary39

Hi hilary I have got out 3 times lately, once to lidl (literally soon as it opened, bussed there at 7.30 am so bus was empty and shop too, doubt i will be rushing to do it again anytime soon tho but glad i did it, and been to pub garden twice, was soo good i didnt want to go home ha ha. Yeah think thats what gets to me as much as missing people, seeing that everyone else seeing their familes/grandchildren (can see all over fb how much everyone is). my son wont even risk doing the 8 hour travel there and back to see his son cos wont risk his service users he cares for as much as his sons mum was pregnant just had the baby now. My son boss has taken him to my house so seen son at end of the garden but so not the same when they both use to stay with me every 2 weeks (seems/feels like yrs ago). wow even reading thats how easy you got covid, well shocked me (probably glad i read that after i went to lidl ha ha, glad /hoping you are all ok now ? , keep hearing things about long haulers still suffering. Totally get reporters view good attitude to have. If im honest at times ive felt so low ive thought this is not living anyway, but at same note its knowing my son lives on his own, is working like a dog to try stay in his private rented flat (he spilt with his girfriend) and know he misses his son, gets lonley, so wish i could say come home for night or 2 but he wouldnt want to put me at risk, but mum in me so dreams of him and his son staying again. It will happen one day eh :) just got to keep looking forward, it will happen eh. tc stay safe, thank you for your message x

Bathtimebliss profile image
Bathtimebliss

Hi, I felt similar feelings and have only just got back my life and that is due to taking Citalopram advised by my GP.

My life spiralled out of control when my dad died last November, it seemed everyone else moved on afterwards except me. My two sons got on with their life, my partner, my sisters and rest of family seemed to be able to get through. In April of this year my mum died of Covid 19, again ive never been in such a dark hole and struggled to deal with it. My family all live 4 hrs away and gradually video chats and calls have become less as work and life carries on. I gave up work which was also a wrench but it was to protect myself and my health with my asthma.

I know how easy it is to let things spiral and before you know it it seems impossible to get out of it. I started walking listening to my music and with the help of my GP surgery and just talking to anyone and everyone, I'm climbing upwards!

How about writing letters to your family and try and explain just how you feel? I do hope you feel more positive soon, small steps though. Take care xx

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply toBathtimebliss

Im so sorry about losing your dad and your mum, I lost my mum and my sister many yrs ago now but doesnt matter how long ago it is we will always miss them and it hurts eh. I think i literally have burst into tears on so many people who dropped the odd thing to me, eg a lady picked up my perscription i cried from the window, i use to give half my food box to somone off covid site who took it to food bank cried to him ha ha, then the council woman who turned up once to check up on me cos i didnt get to phone on time, she was lovely offered to visit sit in the garden but i said no im fine and i am sometimes. I know am lucky to not be on my own, lucky that i didnt have to go out i was indoors shielded, hated that my son is not cos he is a carer, hated he cant see his son. but gotta keep telling myselt to stop crying lol, things will get better eh :) just take things one day at a time eh and be greatful for all i have got people i can call for a chat, but dreaming of the day my son/grandson can stay again and for this all to be a distant memory, we will get there eh. Im glad you are climbing upwards as you say, im ok and you will get to the top too :) tc stay safe xx

ChrissieMons profile image
ChrissieMons

You really should have a good talk to your GP. A course of anti-depressants might help you. There is not much any of us can do except wait until this Covid business gets better, but although the tablets won't change your circumstances, they should change the way you feel about things. See what your doctor says - you've nothing to lose by asking.

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply toChrissieMons

Hi chrissie I know you are probably right talking to the doctor bit, but honestly mine are hopeless at the best of times , missed my haemophilus influenzae over 2 yrs , now looking at bronchiectasis probably because of it was untreated for so long, so totally given up any faith i had in them, so actually they are probably the last people i would talk to ha ha. but Im ok honest, like you say just got to wait this out. I have a good cry and i get back up again. thank you for taking the time to reply always good to get how your feeling off your chest eh and nice knowing someone is listening , tc xx

Cakerunner profile image
Cakerunner

Polly44, I'm so sorry, you're having such a tough time. I'm glad you reached out though because I hear you're feeling very alone, and I know there will be others on here feeling like that too.....and sharing might help. I can't say that I know how you feel, I'm one of the ones dealing with the other scary end, having to go to work.....and scared the whole time. And I know I'm not the only one either.😊

All I can offer in comfort, is to say please don't despair you're a hero keeping yourself and those you love safe, as best you can. And please do keep reaching out to this group for support........we all hear you and we're here to listen 🥰🥰

Polly44 profile image
Polly44 in reply toCakerunner

Hi sonia was just a bad night/ few months ha ha. I have a cry end of most days or in bed at night, then pick myself back up the next day. Im not even lonley tbh (have a few people im holding up where i can, my niece, son missing his son, sister who needs support, i just missing seeing them all, miss normality as we all do eh. I honestly take my hat off to you and have thought about you and everyone else who have had to go out from the start bless you. I was lucky, my partner has stayed in for me cos i was shielding our work was work from home but went soon as covid happened. But honestly feel for you and everyone other person, it is scary times/still is evening looking forward. Im defo not a hero you are you and everyone else that had to step out that door through all this. so thank you and hey if you ever need an ear im hear to listen too :) tc xx

Cakerunner profile image
Cakerunner in reply toPolly44

Thank you, means a lot actually, keep safe🥰🥰

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