My Mom said I only faked and Asthma is not a real illness.

[Nancyraetz]

Can you fake asthma. When I was a kid my mother who was a heavy smoker accused me of faking severe asthma, and I suffered so terribly. I know there were occasions when she very reluctantly brought me to the hospital and I remember being in a oxygen tent .That was the only times I was treated and someone should have explained it to her. I would get yelled at anytime I had problems breathing toher was all fake. I believed she wanted me to suffer and die. I grew up and tried to confront her but she denied me and said again it was all just for attention and we both got angry. I am 59 yrs old and my asthma only happens usually after an emotional upset now. But I still suffer from the lack of caring from my mother for what I think is unexcusable

[AirIsUnderrated]

I’m so sorry. I’m not surprised you’re still bitter after all this time.

I had childhood asthma which disappeared within months of moving out of my family home where my father smoked.

I think if it isn’t lack of education then it’s denial on their part. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that your addiction was harming your child but you couldn’t stop it. You could destroy yourself with self-blame as my father did, or deny it and project the blame outwards as your mother did.

YOU were not and are not at fault here. Have you ever had counselling?

[Nancyraetz in reply to AirIsUnderrated]

Yes, a long time ago. I know that's the logical thing to do and I need to figure out how to afford it Thanks for your comments. It helps me that someone can see what I endured because my family members all bought into her views so to give me any attn would be encouraging me to continue faking. My family seems oblivious to my being made a scapegoat and I wasent worthy of being her even tho my next youngest sister died from a flu that she choked to death in her own flem before my mom paid attn to her crying and when she stopped crying cuz she was dead. They had said it was crib death. I don't think so. It was her neglect She wanted A son but had 7 daughters who she let us know we were mistakes and she saved me a condolence card someone sent her when I was born saying so sorry it wasent a boy. The 7th one was a boy then 2 more girls.

[Troilus]

Hi Nancy. You will never know why your mum behaved in this way. As AirslsUnderarrated says, it could have been down to ignorance. I am about the same age as you, and also suffered with breathing problems as a child. I hade frequent courses of penicillin and slept with a smelly lamp thing in my bedroom for years. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if it was childhood asthma but I also recognise that asthma was not recognised then as it was today. I was in class of 41 children, not one of them had asthma. Yet as a teacher, of classes around the 30 mark, I would have around 4 children each year with asthma. In all of my years in school, I cannot recall anyone who had a diagnosis of asthma.

Can you ever recall a doctor telling your mum you had asthma? Also, if your asthma only occurs when you are emotionally upset, this could also have been why your mum thought the way she did.

Maybe it is just time to accept that it is what it is. It is in the past and the past cannot be changed.

[Wintersbite]

Hi sorry to hear this my mum was the opposite way she was over careing and kept the house too clean I actually remember a few times I said to her jokingly that something would happen and it actually came true but I remember my mum was a smoker aswell and that didn't bother me growing up as you wouldn't believe a smoker lived in the house I grew up in actually you wouldn't believe dust grew there well point of my story is coming up I went to stay with my mum after she moved away and because I don't do the royal house clean unless my mum is coming over and I don't use polish I'm ok I go to my mum's and have a asthma attack now she can't figure it out but she has rushed me to her doctor who she asked why and explained that she is spotless but me I'm clean but I have to have mess and for some reason I never dust behind the TV and I don't buy polish. Now at this point the doctor has a smile on his face and says to my mum "I am sorry to say but YOU caused your daughter to have this asthma attack because your too clean you need to be more like your daughter and also STOP using polish the dust your daughter leaves behind the TV is to cause irritation which is good for asthma because thay can get use to this but living in your home is not helping it's making her worse as there's nothing to irritate her to help her asthma get more resistant to things like dust particles.

Well my mum was horrified by this news and even though I thought it was a long time coming the doctor could have gone abit easier on her as he did just basically tell her that she tried to kill her own daughter and here's all the ways how even I felt guilty hearing it but smoking wasn't on the list well after mum moved back near me and I remember her saying to me " look I'm being good that dirty cup has been there all morning and that ashtray hasn't been emptied yet" now to anyone else this wouldn't be a big thing but to my mum you could see it was bugging her but she waited for me to give permission this made me smile as I could see just how much she had taken to heat what that doctor said and I know how tidy my mum is and why so I said to her go tidy up but don't use spray polish or I will tell the doctor on you lol I don't remember ever having another asthma attack because of her cleaning habits

[ninelives]

So so sorry that you are still suffering from your childhood .I have brittle asthma and also had horrific childhood from abusive stepfather stepgrandfather and a mother who turned a blind eye.

There are many triggers for asthma as you know.

Are you able to get counselling?

Even at our age (I am older than you) trauma can remain.

We cannot change what happened to us as vulnerable children but today we are in charge of our reaction to those events.

I send you virtual hugs and best of luck.

Stay safe stay well

[Poobah]

I don't think you were faking it. The only time I experienced the "asthma doesn't exist" attitude was when I started work. A couple of the older ladies were convinced that Asthma was a way to get a few days off work and it was alot of fuss about nothing. NB they were smokers. Attitudes do change over time and there is alot more education about the damage that smoking can inflict on the smoker and those around them.

My dad was a smoker but despite my brittle asthma the GP never advised he give up to help me. Fortunately, he did for some other reason and it was really helpful.

I can remember being upset with the smokers at work - there was no such thing as any restrictions so people could smoke wherever they wanted. That reinforced their rights over my health & their attitude was selfish.

It would be really helpful, I think, if you asked your GP if you could have some counselling. Talking through the affects that your mum's attitude towards your health and wellbeing with a professional can help you find a peace about the past. I've had counselling a couple of times when things were getting difficult and I didn't feel on top of things - I couldn't believe how much it helped.

[Fruitandnutcase]

Sorry you are still suffering. I didn’t have asthma as a child but I did have a mother who couldn’t accept illness of any sort. Anything I had wrong was ‘my imagination’. It meant that as an adult I’m never sure if there is really something wrong with me or if it is indeed my imagination. It’s not a good way to be I was really ill a few years ago and kept going when I shouldn’t have and I wasn’t like that with my own children. I didn’t go the other way and become overprotective though but if they said they were ill or something was wrong then I believed them and sorted them out.

My mother was a difficult woman really, I don’t know why really. Looking back I don’t think she could have been happy t have been like she was. My brother, her only son was her very big favourite - I was often harshly punished because I was the ‘difficult one’ which was hard and horrible to live with - but I’ve come to terms with it all (I’m in my 70s now ) and I tell myself that she did care in her own way and she thought she was doing the best she could for me even if it definitely wasn’t what I would ever have done and haven’t done with my own children.

I hope you can come to terms with your mother’s attitude and accept she was probably only doing her best even though it wasn’t what you needed or how you would want to treat your family.

[Elspe]

I got the same reaction: "You're doing it for attention". I was not. I slept in a bed with a big feather quilt, wool blankets and carpet. The house was clean but not over-clean, difficult with 4 kids. The GP didn't believe in asthma - he would tell me "you're wheezy because you're fat" when I used to go to ask to be excused from Gym (which was usually Hockey on the school field, so cold our knees turned blue). Eventually my mum pushed for allergy tests when I was 11 and I had skinprick tests. (She thought I might have an obstruction in my nose). I proved strongly allergic to feathers, wool and some other things. At which point my GP started actually treating me for asthma. I had different puffers (some were later removed from the market as dangerous - I think they were adrenaline) and eventually more or less came to terms with it. GP said "you'll grow out of it". I didn't.

I think our generation (I am 67 now) had it rough because there wasn't much information about asthma out there. The only person I knew of, who HAD asthma, was a lady who was in an iron lung.