Stress and Asthma

[steffiegirl]

Hi all,

My husband has recently retired (he's only 62) and he decided he would start his own company and only work when he wanted to.....(he was a superintendent offshrore, so I can understand he wanted to slow down) well, that has NOT happened (and he paid a fortune in Accountancty fees for sweet FA).

We are snapping at each other because of nothing most of the time. He's a pessamist and I'm an optimist, so it usually works out fine, but because he has nobody to snap at and moan & groan then I become the target......stupid little things. It's even worse when he's driving...

The trouble is I also like being on my own and I'm not talking 2 or 3 hrs I'm talking 2 or 3 weeks....I'm as happy as a pig in (you know what). I like my own company. I like being alone.

He doesn't want me to do anything like meals etc but he's just there. I tell him he needs to do something and he will snap back "but you don't do anything".....hmmm excuse me but the house is my domain and I know what needs to be done in the house and when to do it but of course there are days when I don't have to do anything.

So he wonders why I stay in bed all day.....this is what he's telling people but otherwise we would be sitting there like 2 penny buns ....... if he wasn't here I wouldn't be in bed. It's just that I want to be alone.....I need some space. Everybody needs space.

So now crimbo is in a couple of days, he started already this morning and I feel like my asthma is becoming triggered by this constant stress I feel......he says he's walking on eggshells around me........SIGH !!....I've never had this before.

We love each other to bits and we both know it and say so and then both cry.....so why is it going on and on ? I do know.....we're together too much.

Grumble over......giggles (good to write it down)

Steffie....oh & Merry Christmas to one and all....

(photo was me being photobombed hehe...)

[ChrissieMons]

Oh dear - the joy of being retired! You could try writing down what you need to do and what your man could do to help you. He could do the same. Maybe the new business wasn't the best idea, but it's done now. If he's working from home, perhaps he could have an office in a garden shed? (That isn't as silly as it sounds as lots of people do it. ) Neither of you seem to have any interests which get you away from each other. What do you actually want to do on your own? If you find you cannot discuss things without it becoming a bickering match or a row, you need Relate. And don't stay in bed. It only makes everything worse!

Happy Christmas!

[Superzob]

What a shame! I actually feel lucky having been ill before I retired on medical grounds, so that in the last 4 years I only effectively worked 3. That gave me time to plan my retirement so, when it actually came, I had some volunteering work and some stuff around the house, garden and garage that needed doing.

I read somewhere that you can usually find something to do for 18 months after you retire, and I can vouch for that as I ran out of house maintenance work almost exactly 18 months later; fortunately, I could then fall back on, and build up, my voluntary work. I've had to cut back on that dramatically as my health has deteriorated, but now do other things so I don't hang about the house bothering my wife! And she still works part-time so as not to bother me!

I'm sure there's a solution for you somewhere out there. Stress can make any condition worse, and I find Xmas pretty stressful (as do 50% of people, evidently). Perhaps, after Christmas, there'll be time to reflect and find the solution in a New Year's resolution?

Have a good one, whatever happens.

[steffiegirl in reply to Superzob]

Hiya and thanks for replying, and yes cimbo and new year were okidoki. we just lolled around. I don't want a part time job, I just want to be alone (I sound like Marlene Dietrich haha) for a bit more - a week at least.

Anyway we've come up with a solution, he's gonna sleep in another room....WOOOHOOOO at least I can get a bit of piece and just stare at the ceiling if I want hahaha. I must sound weird but everybody needs a bit of space.

Anyway hope you had a nice Christmas & NY xx

Steff

[strongmouse]

First when there are major life changes it is stressful for both of you. Acknowledging that helps. Second you both have a right to live how you want, but as you have chosen to live together and love each other, then you will need to take time to work out how you live together in a new way which works for you both. Sniping achieves very little.

Good communication takes time. Time to listen to each other. Time to work out what each of you wants, and sometimes we don't know. Sometimes all we seem to want is to go back to what was before, but that may not be possible. Time to recognise your fears and hopes.

Yes writing it down is helpful. Sometimes writing a letter to the other person can help. Occassionally consulting a third person, relationship counsellor can help, but it sounds like you both have what is needed to see you through this time of change and upheaval.

[steffiegirl in reply to strongmouse]

Hi strongmouse, yep we did & do have chats about it and I do write stuff down as I feel it gets things off my chest (so to speak) and out of my head. I like to actually write bits n' bobs down as in a book as I like writing.

I jbew it would happen but not crash, bang, wallop like it did.....I felt like I'd lost Independent ME....

Anyway all's ok now, he's gonna sleep in another room....WOOOHOOO, he likes it and I most definitely do....

Steffie