I have no idea why I do these things and I can only extrapolate from what I know about myself and my attitude as to what was going through my head, but why when I am at my most unwell do I do silly things like: try to get off the ambulance trolley in the 1st aid room at Football to go and watch the rest of the match when I have sats of 51% and am so shut down they can't get access anywhere but my chest (yuk). Or decide that everyone is making far too much fuss and if someone will just let me me leave recus and go out into the freezing air my lungs will magically open up. I swear the medical teams spend half the time I am there preventing me from trying to leave. I am not being bad on purpose and I am usually surprised when told of my antics I do tend to ""know"" what was going though my head even thought I don't remember the incident or maybe I am just trying to find a sensible reason for being a very naughty patient. Does anyone else have these or am I just totally out of my little tree. Please tell me I am not only totally bonkers.
Bex
16 Replies
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I kind of know where you're coming from. I am a bit different though. I am a ""good"" patient most of the time as usually, when I am that ill, I don't have the energy to fight against anyone. I do, however, have a bizarre habit of doing things to the house when I start to get ill and feel I might end up in hospital. I will hoover, tidy, add lovely finishing touches to rooms, when I feel a hospital admission coming on. Really I would be better sitting still!! I think it must be a kind of ""getting my affairs in order"" so that I feel in control of things when I do get admitted into hospital, and know I have left the house looking nice. Mad, I know!!
When my GP is trying to get me into hospital, I will always say I dont need to go, when I obviously do. Although I know that I need to go, I also know that I dont want to go and I think this is why I always refuse, even though I know I will end up there anyway!!!
Mostly though I don't fight it. they have the opposite problem when my asthma gets bad and they are usually prodding and poking me to get me to stay awake as, when things get really rough and I am struggling, I tend to get very tired and sleepy, rather than fighting against them. Guess we all react differetly to the effects of a severe attack.
I think there must be a certain gene in severe asthmatics that are constantly trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they are fine. I've always put it down to the fact you have to fight so hard on a daily basis to lead a normal life that sometimes its hard to give up the fight and let medics take over.
I say this gene as my son Sean is only 12 and has been like this for as far back as I can remember. He has been really unwell all week and Ive had the resp nurse asking me to take him for assessment at local, Sean is refusing to go . As a parent its a nightmare as he wont give in till he has no fight left which is so worrying to watch. Obviously if he was in danger I would call 999 as he too big now to carry into car under protest. He spun me a real gem this week, he said as far as he concerned his asthma isnt that bad anyway. I would love to agree with him but as he on S/c ,pred (daily for 10 yrs) , methotrexate and 2 hrly nebs I dont know who he trying to convince!!!
And dont forget Bex, you DO support Plymouth as well-proof of insanity !!!
-just joshing Bex,good luck for the playoffs you and Lois could be having an end of season crunch match coming up!!!
The fight or flight thing amazing I must get an huge adrenalin rush and just go for it. Having said that I don't get far, on the football one I could not stand I sort of fell forwards off the trolley thankfully I had a people either side of me to catch me, when put a foot on the floor and started to move they guessed my plan (I have warned them I get these desires to escape). I don't even co-ordinate properly, its more a lurch which those who know me means ""she is off again"" sometimes I can remember getting off the trolley but I am told I did not move at all. I even apparently think I can escape with monitor bits, IV's even ART lines etc in place.
I was told by an A&E reg of one brittle who got off the trolley in resus just as she was about to intubated I have no idea how but she did it she was described as ""a very poorly person"" with gases that were very off and barely breathing needless to say she was put back the trolley, ""sedated and ventilated"" ASAP and remained that way for a over a week, I guess they were afraid of what she would do if they woke her up. I have never pulled lines I guess in my happy little world where 10 minutes of fresh will cure everything I assume the lines will just come with me or magically disconnect either that or something sensible kicks in and I protect valuable access.
My son has just read this and said that if I am being good it is usually a sign I am less sick, random stupid acts only happen when not well at all.
Bex
ps of course random stupid acts happen every day but I think he means trying to get over cot sides in resus and the like.
One doctor aparently nearly taped the O2 mask onto my face as I kept taking it off!
Normally when I'm ill I'm not a very patient, patient but during an acute attack I'm too tired to fight. I'm so glad of help they can do what they like. I don't even fight the BP machine even though I hate having my BP taken and during an attack it will be off the scale (I have high BP and I'm not keen on doctors).
Jen
Hey bex,
this rings a bell! I tend to do some very strange things when poorly.
Like you the seriousness of the situation doesn't seem to occur to me at the time though it may scare the hell out of me when I recover. I tend to take a huge dislike to oxygen masks - I feel that they 'suffocate me' and will not keep them on -the poor nurses must hate me! My general solution to low sats is 'well take the probe off' - doh!
During my last admission I got to the stage when I was totally fed up, I'd had no sleep in the past 24hrs, wasn't feeling 'too bad' but was deteriorating and when the poor SHO (who is a lovely girl and a good friend) came to saw me I refused to be examined! I ended up on NIV on HDU about 3hours later.
I'm normally a very relaxed person and this kind of stroppiness is very out of character. Most of the medics at my local (who I work alongside) tend to know this and just be very firm with me when I'm ill. I don't think anyone can think straight with sats in the 60s!
STX
yup.... definately sounding familiar. And with this reply currently being typed from ITU (hopefully making my escape to the respiratory ward this morning) some of my random stupid behaviour is fairly fresh!
can recall some of the following events, and have been told about others that i've (despite not being able to speak) quite clearly made my views felt about ITU, intubation, NIV, art lines, C-lines, ABGs and so on during multiple ITU admissions over the past 18 months...
...which can make me a very awkward patient; especially as the people i'm at the time i imagine i'm being quite rude to, are work colleagues! have certainly been told off for being far too stubbon for my own safety. I think that we have the get out clause though - if we're sick enough to be this ill... our gases are going to be off enough to 'explain' our bizarre behaviour, and account for us not necessarily recalling it!
hope everyone is doing ok, and making safe escapes where necessary. x
Bex - If it's any consolation you've seen me get a little bit sick fast and you know how stupid i was then and i wasn't even that bad!
I usually refuse to get in ambulances or chairs to get to ambulances even though i obviously am not in a fit state to walk, will try to walk into resus from ambulance, will climb off trolley to go to toilet from resus and then collapse in heap on floor and generally am a complete nightmare. I have reverted to sign language when can't speak and then get really irritated that noone signs back when actually get told later just looks like am waving arms madly when to me are perfectly formed makaton signs!
I apologise to all those who have to look after me in these situations, which reminds me the only two phrases i say (gasp) when not well at all are ""sorry"" and ""i'm fine"" which obviously are really helpful when i am anything but!
The drs very patiently spend a lot of time explaining to me over and over that i am quite poorly until at some point my other half will turn up and say ignore everything she says about going home if she's in an A+E and fighting you she's quite sick and if she's not fighting it's because she's unconsious...... What nightmare patients we must be, but not as bad as the usual saturday night brigade........
Marmite I had forgotten my close encounter with anaphylaxis (never ever again) and you were very convincing in your ""I am fine"" until you were breathing like a seal barking and all hell broke loose! Yeh can we not go there again please.
Bex
You do not no how pleased I am to discover that I'm not alone here!
My partner says that for the first few days of an admission my eyes are always ""glassy"", signifying that I am generally away with the fairies (as well as being very, very, very STUBBORN). Looks like we all have this in common!!!
Maz
xx
Hubby was reading this and basically said that it could be written about me too!! I am known for hanging on too long and i have even got a friend to drive me in as i maintaned i didnt need the green men but on arrival i went straight to resus and ended up being vented less than 2 hrs later!!(i think i may have learnt my lesson there tho green men from now on!!
Only once have i refused ABGs which did concern the drs ans im normally very compliant . The Drs also laugh at me as no matter how poorly i am i seem to have an inanae grin stuck on my face i think its cos if i didnt i would cry and i know that just nakes things alot worse!!
I also try to get up and go to the loo whilst in resus much to the amusement and concern of the staff, mind u they all know me well enuf now!
Another favorite of mine is to ask for a hot drink when im shaking so much there is no way that i can even get it near my mouth without spilling it all!!
I fear we must lose some of our marbles along the way but at least we keep smiling!!
Regards ABGs, They know they can't get near me with one unless my sats are lower than 90% or I stop swearing at them! LOL ( More or less my consultants wording! )
When I was in intensive care long time ago, I kept pulling the SATs thingy off my finger. Whenever they forced it back on and wouldn't let me take it off again, I used it to tap out morse code to my (then) fiancees grandfather for him to come and rescue me! Nuts or what?
And when I got down to HDU, kept pulling the O2 mask off. Well the elastic was sore, so why not?
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