I honestly don't know how much more I can take ....

I've really had enough now ... I've now been diagnosed with boarderline severe depression on top of everything else now!

I've been suffering with my asthma since October 2011 and unfortunately my other medical conditions have started to flare up during this time as well. I'm under a chronic cough specialist, a stomach specialist, neurologist, obviously the local asthma nurse, own GP team and I'm due to have my first appointment with a chronic asthma specialist at the end of the month. So I constantly feel like I'm always repeating myself and being pulled everywhich way and not getting any answers just more medication to try!

Friday was the straw that broke the camels back ...The appointment was a review at the chronic cough clinic, who have also been monitoring my asthma while I've been waiting for my appointment to come through, but I didn't get to see my usual specialist but another one as the clinic was busy! Unfortunately as it wasn't someone who knows me and the situation and that he didnt even read my damn notes, it wasnt the best of appointments. Made worse by the fact that its an hours trip each way to get there, I came out feeling like giving up completely.

The cough team had been working through ideas on what could be causing my breathing problems at present and I'd had a test done a week before, so to be told that it wasnt my asthma if I have it at all, that was the problem and that I should just surpress the cough made me want to scream!! Thankfully my boyfriend was with me and went through everything with the doctor which is why I ended up coming away with something to help surpress the cough Spiriva Respimat and a 2 month review.

I'm still feeling really low and still haven't been out of bed since Friday afternoon. I'm hoping that the resting is also helping with my steroid reduction as I've been on a high dose since October and I'm finally down to 10mg for the first time and due to drop to 5mg on Wednesday if I feel OK to do so, but its not helping the depression. I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle and that I'm loosing my mind as well.

Sorry for the rant, my boyfriends on nights and I'm feeling really low at the minute, alot of thoughts whirling around inside my stupid head. Its also not great to check the bank balance when your feeling down especially when you realise you have no money until the end of the month! Don't even want to tell my fella that.

Jilly xx

[Hidden]

Massive hugs Jilly. You're really not having a great time of it; no wonder you've become depressed though it can't be helping to have that on top of it. I hope they're getting on top of that at least and giving you something that works? If it's at all helpful to know a couple of friends have had major problems with that and it was hideous at the time (as you'll know) but they did come through it and are doing way better now without even any medication, or very little.

Of course it would help if you could get the other problems sorted out! It's not had the impact on me that it's had on you but I really hate it when you make a big effort to travel to an appt and they're not helpful - especially when they don't read your notes. My first cons never read anything and it drove me nuts - he started trying to diagnose me with something I'd had since birth and I wanted to scream at him as that condition has never bothered me and is very well controlled - I wanted him to deal with the breathing! I know they're busy but surely reading patient notes is part of the job. My current cons though read all my notes before I came and even rang my GP, so there are good ones out there.

I really hope the Spiriva helps with your cough and also that the asthma specialist helps; hopefully he will be able to pull all the breathing-related stuff together and come up with a solution as it does get very wearing saying the same thing over and over, especially if they're doubting the diagnosis and even more if they don't listen!

I so hope things start to improve very very soon. Feel free to PM me any time and don't look at your bank balance...trying to think of something a bit more cheerful you could do though you must be bored of most things by now! iPlayer/DVDs? Write a ridiculously silly story to cheer yourself up?

xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Jilly

I'm not surprised you have borderline severe depression with all the asthma difficulties you're experiencing. I've only got a very much milder form of asthma and it is driving me nuts! I'm off work for 2 weeks now, and dreading telling my manager. I'm already feeling the strain of not being able to do things without feeling exhausted and breathless. SO....

Depression - I hope your GP is arranging for you to have a referral for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or for psychological assessment, and if not, I hope you have the energy to request some help for it. We all know, when depressed, it can often feel like it is just too much energy to do anything, but if you can take that leap of faith and request it, you might be well on your way to recovery.

Challenging negative (or bad) thoughts can help start chipping away at the depression. Depression is a temporary state, it doesn't go on forever, so please focus on something in the distance, like when your asthma is treated and you can enjoy warmer spring sunshine on your face.

Sometimes, writing everything down helps. Keeping a journal (doesn't have to be in a book, can be on the computer) can help unload some of that hopeless feeling.

Make it your aim to get out of bed today, even if it is only for a couple of hours. It could help you feel like you've achieved something and start chipping away at the dark depressive feelings.

I hope it isn't long before you get the help you need, until then, look around you and say out loud FIVE good things about your life. Hmmm... easier said than done. Where would I start? Erm...

1. The snow looks lovely on the ground.

2. The daffodils on my window ledge remind me that my best friend loves me.

3. The tv is showing Gok Wan on Loose Women (and he is cute).

4. I can see people outside, as they drive past my house.

5. I washed and dried my hair this morning, so now it looks better than it did when I woke up.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

xx

[Hidden]

Hi Moomoo, hope the Spiriva helps your cough and asthma it helps me xxx Steroids arnt nice when reducing,I was really low last year coming off them when been on them all winter nearly.I cried lots and didnt know why until i felt that down and spoke to my doctor .He said it was the steroids and not me and my asthma nurse said the same.Later that year I came off Tramadol after 8 yrs with a slow withdrawal one tab a month and i went through feeling low like the steroids.I found getting out in the fresh air helped and brisk walks when lungs were ok.Having music on helped also.Welcome pm me anytime .Take care duck and you will get through it xxxx