Miserable and sick of it

The subject line says it all really - I'm miserable and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the asthma. I'm sick of the allergies. I'm sick of being different. I'm sick of having to think about breathing. I'm sick of having to think about every single little thing I eat. I'm sick of the social impact it all has. I'm sick of the fact that my friends are too scared of accidentally killing me to cook for me. I'm sick of life in and out of hospital all the time. I'm sick of the fact that 'life' is constantly interrupted. I'm sick of the exhaustion. I'm sick of there being no answers for anything any more. I'm sick of trying to pretend that it's okay that I have no meaningful life to speak of. I'm sick of the whole bloody lot! I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. And I'm sorry for imposing this post on the forum but I need to send it anyway.

Becky.

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beckyg

i understand!! i am also sick of everything, you forgot the heat, i live in london its lovely (not!!) you are not moaning or feeling sorry for yourself, my family and friends are just the same they do not like to take me out in case something happens to me. my husband took me to the ballet as a treat and then i spent 2 weeks in hospital so i am not allowed to go again. we are not freaks we are just not very well. if you have a broken leg it will eventually heal. we have to make the most of the good days or hours, and live for now, as i say ""i am an adult and would rather drop down dead doing something i enjoyed than sat at home in a chair alone"" some of my family think this is a selfish attitude maybe it is but they can come and go as they wish and do not have to think about breathing.

keep your chin up take care lisa xx

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BeckyG I also and most of the chronics on here understand. I at my appt the other day said the same thing i am fed up of being the one that doesnt fit the profile. In the past i have often said i think we should set up a group of us unusual ones, and go to one of the respiratory conferences and let them have it!!

I dont know what it would acheive but i do understand, i wont even start to list my asthma issues or my other illnesses. But many of us here do understand. Please remember you are reacting to coming out of hospital, the events leading up to it and getting over it. I am sick of the chronicness of my illnesses and that the treatments they try are either of no use or make me feel ill from the side effects!!

Please take care, Say it how it is and we will be there for you!!

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i have just spent a month in Israel on a school trip and i usually don't have bad asthma unless it is like the current weather that london is having or if there is a high pollen count , but in israel i had my first ever asthma attack, and although it was an amazing trip my asthma all the time stoped me from doing certain activities, and considering it was a once in a life time experiance i am really really really annoyed with my asthma, since it ruined parts of my experiance and ever since i have been back in england i have had bad asthm copared to normal, but the thing is i am sick of it too, but you can't get rid of it and you just have to live with it and i don't get annoyed with the fact that i have to use my steriod enhaler everyday and actually my friends find it quiet cool that i have all this special equipment for it. i think that you just have to live with it, and you should try to continue life like you would if you didn't have asthma.

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Dgee, I'm sorry that you've had your time away spoilt by your asthma and had the frightening experience of your first bad attack.

I wish I could 'continue life like I didn't have asthma', but my asthma has pretty much taken over my life. Yes, I try to do things, but at the end of the day my asthma dominates my life and has done for many years. I missed a lot of school because of it so my exam results didn't reflect my ability; the lower grades meant that I couldn't go to the university of my choice or do the course I so desperately wanted to do; ultimately I had to abandon uni altogether because I was ill too much of the time. Since then I've done various courses, yes, but I can't work because I'm in and out of hospital all the time, and even when I'm not in hospital I struggle to breathe on a daily basis, having an attack to one degree or another every day. I tried starting up my own business so I could work around my disabilities but even that turned out to be impossible. My social life is very limited because of my asthma and extreme allergies so opportuniies for meeting new people are limited, never mind opportunities to develop a 'significant relationship'. Pretty much everything I do is a risk management exercise so please, if you can tell me how to 'continue life as though I didn't have asthma' please do.

By the way, I'm not really angry with you, if that's how it comes across. I'm more angry with my situation and completely and utterly fed up and needing to rant. Sorry if it seems like I'm attacking you - I don't mean to.

Becky.

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Everyone is definately entitled to a moan from time to time. Although my asthma isn't too bad I do understand how frustrating it can be to live with a disability. Being VI have to constantly plan and keep track of myself so I don't get too tired and end up in bed exhausted with a migraine or severe eye pain. I have to think about what I'm doing where I'm going how I'll get there whether I'll need support, what the weather is going to be like etc. All that planning takes its toll and does affect your life even if you are trying your best to do as much as you can. I think that the exhaustion of being really ill can make us feel very down at times.

hugs

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Go ahead and moan

BeckyG you have every right to moan any time you want. Even though I don’t have asthma I am sick of the worry of it with my kids. I am sick of worrying that they are alright. I am sick of asking “have you taken your meds”. I am sick of explaining to teachers, bosses, other parents, strangers who walk by on the street while your child is wheezing, hacking and coughing, who stares at you as if you have done something wrong or have not looked after your child properly. I am sick of ER docs and nurses who don’t act quickly enough when we go into the hospital. Quite frankly, i am sick of asthma!!!! But I love my kids so I have no choice but to b***h & complain about it and move on. Just like you have no choice either. Sorry for your bad day I hope you have a much better day tomorrow!

Stevie

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Me too you tell me one asthmatic or person with a chronic disease who isnt fed up at times?

I get so fed up when people ask how im doing saying crap all the times that i now lie and say fine when im not just for a change!!

You get so fed up with being fed up if that makes sense!!

I think i have quite possibly just had the worse week of my life and so down!!

Monday, had bad nite in costa, cons round more bad news now diaphragm packed in!! have to struggle on!!

Tuesday, funearal of my best mates dad, manage to escape costa for a few hours to attend. very emotional chest splats!!

Weds, Had new physio which hurt like hell!! then had major row with fellow patient who had invaded my privercy and read my phone while i was on the loo!! Feel really low

Thurs, more physio and torture find out brother in law on 5minite allert to go to lebanon, sister really worried as all family are,

Friday, home from costa and not coping to well am really scared, got so used to having medics on hand for the last month feel a liitle lost!!

Well thats all i think for now, sorry to moan, if anyones week can top that i would be greatful to hear as than mine wont look so bad!!

Love to all

Andrea xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Andrea, I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible week. I totally understand that feeling of becoming anxious about suddenly having no medics around when you've been used to it for a while in costa. It's really unsettling and I find that I've almost lost the ability to cope on my own, so it's not surprising that, on top of the week you've had, you're feeling really down. Is there anyone at home with you who can do some of the taking care of you and general tlc? I phoned my mum in tears the other day and she's come down to Newcastle (from Edinburgh) to stay over the weekend. It's helping just having someone around even though nothing else is different.

I'm sorry too about your best friend's dad. That must be hard, especially if you're trying to support your friend at the same time as feeling so horrible yourself, and of course after being very poorly.

As for being sick of saying to people that you feel rubbish and ill, and then instead saying that you're fine - it's such hard work, isn't it? One way I've got around the fine thing is to bear in mind that I can say it and mean it however I actually feel depending on whether I mean 'I'm fine' or 'I'm F.I.N.E.', the latter being an acronym for F****d up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.

I really hope you're week (and life generally) improves lots as soon as possible.

Take care,

Becky.