Why am I so embarrassed?

[WonderWomanUK]

I’ve recently returned to work and had the usual motherhood chats and the topic of childbirth has come up. I’ve felt able to be honest and talk about my traumatic birth (I had some EMDR in MBU) and lots of people have said “so sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth” and I keep thinking that’s not the half of it…

And I don’t say any more. I totally appreciate it’s no one else’s business but why am I so embarrassed to talk about it? I can talk openly with people who know what happened (not that those conversations happen often). Just feel very embarrassed by it all still and wonder if anyone else felt the same!

[Cheryl-2021 Volunteer]

Hi WonderWomanUK I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I thought I had grown confident in openly talking about PP, but with my second child and the baby groups, I totally closed up again and was too embarrassed to bring it up. I feel like you never know what peoples reactions are going to be. I've had some people completely look at me gone out or look visibly uncomfortable. I much prefer it when people show a genuine interest and ask questions. But I guess you never know what you're going to get.

I hope you have found returning to work enjoyable and settling back in OK.

Cheryl

[WonderWomanUK in reply to Cheryl-2021]

Thank you for sharing Cheryl! Congratulations on extending your family too!

I think you’re so right it’s the reaction I’m worried about too!

[Twobabies Volunteer]

hi there, thanks for sharing this, I can relate. Especially in early time post recovery. I’m 6 years on now and finally feel in general happy to talk about it but it took lots of time. I think for me it was needing time to process what had happened , also it can feel soo much because it is. It feels like more women than not have a traumatic birth so in a way that maybe feels safer to talk about. Ppp is such a big thing and it can be a lot to come to terms with. There can be feelings of shame and guilt (even though it is absolutely not our fault we became unwell) and there is absolutely nothing we could have done about it. Not sure if you’ve had a talking therapy but i be found it helpful for me to talk through these kinds of things and try to let go of some of the negative feelings. Lots of love xxx

[WonderWomanUK in reply to Twobabies]

Thank you for your message! Maybe in time I will feel able to talk about it. You’re so right, I know it’s not my fault I was unwell and I would say that to my friends but can’t be that kind to myself.

I think I’ll consider talking therapy, it’s a lot to have gone through.

Glad you’re doing well after 6 years x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi WonderWomanUK,

I just wanted to say hi and that you are not alone. I think it is difficult to feel comfortable having that conversation, like Twobabies I am also 6 years on and only my boss at work knows I had psychosis after the birth. I work in a mostly male office, so I have found it hard to open up, more than likely they will be OK with it, but I don't want them to think of me differently, if that makes sense.

I don't feel ashamed of what happened to me anymore, this forum does a big job in connecting us with similar experiences together, and that takes away the guilt and shame, as you feel less alone.

Share with whoever you feel comfortable doing, all circumstances are different, don't feel forced in any way. You have overcomed so much already, do take good care,

Maria

[WonderWomanUK in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thanks for your reply Maria! You’re right about worried people will think of you differently. I think that’s worry of mine!

I obviously don’t feel completely comfortable or I might have mentioned it by now!

Take care x