Hello! I'm a new mum to a 6 week old baby and the perinatal MH team are on the fence about giving me a PPP diagnosis.
Around two weeks after my son was born I became very anxious and upset and was adamant i had to give my son away as i couldn't care for him - i hate being alone with him and I feel trapped in my life. I have been so angry, shouting and screaming a lot and smashing my own very treasured belongings. I opened up to my HV who, alongside the perinatal MH team who had been working with me throughout my pregnancy, organised the intensive home treatment team to visit instead of hospital admission.
Their involvement ended two weeks ago and it did feel pretty useless but I feel myself getting worse again. I turned down medication as my husband was using having to manage our son at night against me and didn't want to be a worse burden to them both, and I don't have a full diagnosis yet because of my BPD diagnosis - the team are still debating if it's all hormonal, a longer term BPDZ episode or PPP, but I'm beginning to think it's the latter. I know something is very wrong but struggle to talk about it because I don't know what to do.
Anyway, has anyone been involved with IHTT then went on to stay in hospital, recover in the community or that? Just looking for some similar experiences as I feel very along.
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Redcat91
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Hi Redcat91, welcome to the forum. Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. I promise you that you're not alone in this. I had PP back in 2016 and was admitted to a mother and baby unit (MBU) with my twin girls.
It took 8 weeks before I was diagnosed with PP and admitted to an MBU. My babies went in with me. I can honestly say it was the right place for me at the time. I was very unwell and the nurses and nursery nurses helped me to recover and build up confidence in being a mum again.
It's good that your MH team are already involved. They should be able to advise you about support in the community/inpatient facilities in your area. Having a 6 week baby is hard at the best of times without being poorly as well. Take all the support you can get and please don't blame yourself. Things will get better, it just takes time. Keep in touch x
Congratulations on the birth of your baby and thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you have been struggling lately but glad you opened up to your HV. I think keeping your feelings to yourself must have been overwhelming. I hope you will soon have a full diagnosis.
I had Postpartum Psychosis twice many years ago, six years apart. During my second psychosis I was at first admitted to a general psychiatric unit and then treated at home by the Home Care Team as my first son was six. The psychiatrist made regular visits with other professionals. At one point I commented to my husband that there were too many people in the house!
I’m sorry since the support of the the IHTT has ended you are feeling worse. After a while it was recognised that I did need extra support and treatment. I was then admitted again to hospital for a few short stays over time, some over a weekend.
I think the thing to do if you are struggling is to speak out as you did to your HV. I know it’s hard as you don’t want to worry your husband or family about what you are thinking .... I was the same. You are also carrying the extra burden of BPD which must be so distressing and takes a lot of courage to cope.
Please don’t suffer in silence as there is help waiting for you and professionals who are only too willing to help if you can reach out. Be kind to yourself .... it’s not your fault. We are all here for you.
Hello.
My experience is similar: two babies, two PPs. The first was way the worst and the second was very well managed, barely a blip.
I would say, take the medications. Otherwise thing could easily get worse. If they make you unable to function at night, try negotiating for a reduced dose. But really, it sounds like you are quite unwell and you need that sleep to help you recover. The medication tends to be for a matter of months, so fairly short term, and it helps you to cope with this intense period.
Possibly an admission to MBU might help , if your OH isn’t able to cope with the baby at night. They are not the worst places in the world, though we would all rather be at home.
How are you feeling today? I had pp in 2018 and went to a mother and baby unit, that was the right place for me at the time and it made the world of difference to my recovery.
Please don't feel alone, the majority of us in this forum are other mothers who went through pp and came back the other side. Despite how scary things seem now, I promise you it will get better, with the right help and treatment you will recover.
The thoughts you may be having now can be quite upsetting and difficult to share with others, but I would encourage you to speak plainly with your perinatal mental health team, they are experts on the mental health of mothers, they have helped many mothers in your situation in the past and are best placed to advise you on what to do next.
Do you have family or friends nearby that could come and help at night? It is important at this point to try and protect your sleep.
Take good care, please share here whenever things get too difficult
please do not suffer in silence. Deep down I was suffering terribly whilst recovering from PPP, -thinking I was the only one in the hole wide world, despite being loved and cared for full time by my wonderful partner in 2010/11.
Because of undiagnosed BP I went on a quite bumpy road with additional stressors, such as loosing 2 loved ones and living with ongoing psychotic symptoms, because of PTS.
Only at the end of 2015 I was falling into a safety net of the APP forum and since then I was learning to built up ongoing coping strategies, because of all those compassionate ladies on this forum. Learning by exchanging experiences is so extremely useful. Our needs are diverse, but in reading some of the stories, you will find you can relate to many amazing mums.
I hope you will find health professionals you feel comfortable with and therapeutic opportunities.
Really glad that you have found this online community and reached out to mums and families with experience of PP. It sounds like it has been a really scary time, and I hope you have found some reassurance in knowing that other mums have been there too.
As other mums have said, do reach out to your perinatal MH team and share your worries as openly as you can. With specialist support from perinatal MH services in the community or in a Mother and Baby Unit, as a family you can get through this and make a good recovery.
Like others have said, welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out.
It’s such a difficult time these early weeks with a newborn baby and so, to be able to share your feelings on this forum is strong and courageous of you. As others have said, do keep sharing your feelings with those around you – your partner as much as possible, family and the health professionals you may be seeing regularly so that they can alter judgements as decisions swiftly if they need to. I had a very late diagnosis of PP in 2016 before being subsequently admitted to a MBU in a very unwell state and my stay was for 10 weeks in total. I was also very resistant to taking medication as didn’t really understand how they would benefit me as was too unwell to consider the benefits of why I was being prescribed them. On reflection and knowing other women’s stories over the last 4 years, my preference would now been to have accepted all the medication I was given sooner, so that I would see the beneficial effects sooner – this too may have expedited and perhaps shortened my length of stay in the MBU.
Please don’t feel alone with your feelings, most of the ladies on this forum have experience PP and we all know what a big effect in takes on us, in addition to caring for a newborn in those early weeks. Keep sharing with those around you and us, when you feel able too and remember, we’re always here to support.
As an update, things haven't changed much but I'm getting there. I was taking my PRN to help me sleep but it's now making me feel agitated - love that paradoxical effect!
OH has taken over the majority of night stuff which has been so helpful and the boy is starting to sleep longer at night which helps us both. The intrusive thoughts are just as worse and I still feel pretty miserable most days but it doesn't feel quite as manic. But I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to feel *so* down and indifferent and distressed at times, it just feels so muddled. Like i can't tell if it was a prolonged BPD episode or if I'm still unwell. It's all a big challenge and I'm not quite sure what to do, but I know I'm starting to hide a bit and despite managing to go a drive to the shops with the baby and get out walks, i feel crippled most days.
Well done for giving yourself that space to rest at night when you can - I'm glad your partner is supportive and has been able to take over some of the nights. Getting through this as a team will really help your recovery journey.
You are doing your absolute best right now - well done for getting out to the shops and for walks. Be kind to yourself, and try to be proud of every moment that you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts can be so distressing. I wondered if you might find some grounding techniques useful - there's a helpful list of different ideas to try here
Good to hear from you and that your OH Is being so supportive. Just wondering if it might be an idea to have a chat with your GP, perhaps for a medication review or chat with your perinatal team? Thinking of you ... take care and be kind to yourself. x
A few months on from your update post so I wonder how you are now? I hope you have received a diagnosis and the intrusive thoughts are fading, with support from your care team. Thinking of you .... take care.
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