PTSD: I have been looking at my baby... - Action on Postpar...

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PTSD

Poulson
Poulson

I have been looking at my baby photos and reminiscing about the good times I have had with my daughter and son. I recall going to Benidorm and Disneyland Paris. I recall Christmases and birthdays. I recall when my son was born and I was elated. My family cannot destroy me anymore. They will have to meet their maker. I can sleep at night, although I have nightmares about the abuse my brothers did to me. I have been accused of child abuse and all sorts of things, which is not true. I am in a lot better place mentally without my family. I have just spoken to my daughter, who is 30 next year, and she says she remembers going to Disneyland Paris when she was 5, which I am glad about as we both have good memories. I am intent on rectifying my medical records, as a psychologist accused me of child abuse. I am away from mental health services now.

I recall living in a small house with my daughter and their was hardly any furniture or carpets, but I was happy. I got a wardrobe from the charity shop and let my daughter play with her toys while I tried to sleep. I took her to work with me when she was 1 and had a job in abetting office. I was getting broody and wanted more children. I was having an affair with a married man but he had had the snip. I left him but was heartbroken. I met my husband in 1994 and gave birth to my son in 1996. I gave birth to my son. I was elated. My family was complete. my husband died in 2009 and I do not miss him as he would call me all sorts of names, that I was a bad mother and couldn't take care of my son. He would call the police on me and have me arrested and say I had done something wrong to my children. I did the best I could for my children, and recall Christmases and birthdays with them.

I am looking forward to Christmas with my husband and having a nice relaxing day. I would like to see my son and granddaughter again. I am looking forward to watching the Christmas films with him. I am going to ring my old CPN soon and ask her to call in for a cup of tea. The mental health services have done me a untold damage over the years, and I am trying not to be bitter. I have spoken to my daughter today and asked her if she remembers me taking her to Disneyland Paris and she said yes, which made me glad. She is moving in with her partner soon, good luck to her. I am hoping to see my son at Christmas and my granddaughter. I am in a good place mentally and my family cannot take my good memories of my children away from me. I have spoken to the out of hours team and they said they would pass the message on to the DR. I have also wrote another letter to the Judge and explained my case to him. He understands me perfectly. I am recalling all the god times I have had with my children and the holidays and days out. I am in a good place mentally.

I am not struggling anymore as I know I have done no wrong to my children. I will prove the authorities wrong. I have always been a busy active person who has done all in my power to look after my children. I have my good memories of them at Christmas and birthdays. I am looking forward to Christmas with my husband and watching all the Christmas films. I thank you for your kind words.

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Ellie_at_APP
Ellie_at_APPAdministrator

Dear Poulson

Thanks for sharing your memories with us, it sounds like it's a mixture of remembering good times, but also a lot of pain and anger about what has happened to you. I hope it has been helpful to write things down.

It's really good to hear that you are feeling in a better place, and have the support of your husband. It's good too that you have spoken to your daughter, and I hope that you continue to be able to see your children, and grandchildren. You have been through so much, it is amazing how far you have come, and how you have rebuilt your life.

I wonder if you write a diary / journal? I find it so helpful to write thoughts down, and let them all out. This might help you?

Take care,

Ellie

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