I am feeling emotional as it is coming up to Christmas again. I am recalling taking my daughter to Disneyland Paris when she was 5. My daughter has turned against me because of what my mother has told her about me and it hurts like hell. My son is just about on my side although he still sides with my parents and family. I have only got my husband now but he is in his 70's. I am not looking forward to Christmas anymore. I have not got my children and granddaughter. I must have trodden on an angels wing in a former life. However, I have my memories of my children when they were little and no-one can take those away from me.
Best Wishes XX
Written by
Poulson
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I am so sorry the way you feel at the moment. I can relate to some of your struggles.
Christmas always had been a very difficult time for me before PPP, as I had no contact with my family abroad. In fact it all changed when I met my partner "in crime" in 2009 and ironically he was born on the 24.12...
My partner and my few selected friends are the once, who are my stronghold and my support network...as I live with cycling moods (BP1)
I am close to my aunt, who is an art therapist and of great sensitive nature. On the other hand my mum never wanted to acknowledge mental health challenges along her female line and was in great denial when asked.
My aunt has given me some great advise and I have learnt to come to terms with some of my family's behaviour. Stigma is all around us. I have no expectations anymore nor can I put anymore effort into relationships, if it sucks the energy out of me.
Sometimes it is OK to let go. Like you I have a wonderful partner and he actually makes me aware that the patterns of behaviour within my family and the way how my parents have tried to bring me up is of a different kind and they've done that to the best of their abilities. Mental health was a taboo, which still causes havoc in the hear and now.
Poulson, I am trying to carry wings and fly , that means I let go of the past...I allow myself healing time. It is not selfish to focus on yourself in order to gain strengths, maybe you could distribute your energy to volunteering...focus and routine has helped me tremendously...I know of some friends, who helped the homeless throughout the Christmas period, because they did not celebrate Christmas...
I am so sorry that you have such suffering and difficulties over contact with your children and grandchildren and that this is making you even more sad as Christmas approaches. Christmas can be an emotional time for lots of reasons. It is so good that you have such happy memories to look back on, with those thoughts and the support and love of your husband to sustain you, perhaps you could make some new happy memories in another direction. It may be hard but concentrating on other things can stop us thinking of our sadnesses for some of the time at least.
Like Pikorua, I also know people who have gained a lot from volunteering at Christmas.
Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you, remember that whatever your family have done in the past the one thing they can’t ever take away from you are those beautiful memories you have of Disneyland they will stay in your heart forever xxxxxx
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