I'm home!

[Kats88]

Hey everyone,

It's been a while since I posted but after a 4.5 month long stay in hospital I am finally home and discharged from my section 3. I have to go back one more time to get discharged from the hospital but otherwise I'm home for good.

But I'm not doing well. I'm not psychotic anymore, but they diagnosed me with psychotic depression, obsessive compulsive personality disorder and emotionally unstable personality disorder. I dispute the last one, I don't have mood swings, my mood is low all the time.

We went to court and I got 3 days per week supervised access with my kids, but on the days I don't have them I just stay in bed all day. My mood is too low to get up and I'm exhausted from all my meds. I just watch tv or sleep, or scan through Facebook. I have no friends and no money, I haven't paid my mortgage this month.

I really feel the depression kicking my butt at the moment and being totally alone and isolated doesn't help. I made friends in hospital but they're still there and I'm here, alone. I half feel like asking to go back to hospital but I don't want to let down my kids.

Thanks for reading, I hope you're all ok. Xx

[Jas15 Volunteer]

Hi Kat

Brilliant news that you are being discharged and feeling a bit better - always here to chat.

Take care

Jas xx

[Beckles30]

Hi Kat

Great to hear your home but sorry to hear your going through such a difficult time, I have been through similar experience with depression and not with my daughter currently. I try to plan my days and see friends/family which helps, I've even done some volunteering but that was hard going whilst battling this depression. Anyway I'm here to talk if you'd like to share experiences. I am struggling with money too so I know how difficult it can be, I also found having a counsellor helpful...righting down achievemepeach day however small I found helped a little too. I know it's hard I've really pushed myself this far for my daughter tbh. Stay strong Kat ...thinking of you xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Such wise words from Beckles there. Kats I’m so sorry you’re finding the days hard, and are still so low. It says a lot that you’re able to get out of bed for your kids though- so give yourself lots of credit for that! You are a an absolute warrior.

I guess the thing is to try and structure your days more healthily (in both the mental and physical sense!) on the 4 days a week that you’re not getting access. I don’t want to sound preachy here (because when I’m depressed I know how hard it is to do ANYthing) but it doesn’t sound like a good idea to scroll Facebook in bed. If only because everyone else will be posting lovely festive holiday stuff and making you feel worse

I love Beckles idea of volunteering - and there’s some fantastic things to do this time of year. You could always ask your hospital if you could volunteer on a ward, or bake and bring in some cookies or something for the patients that are in over Christmas, and the staff working?

Or focus again on your own kids and think of some crafty things to do which you could give them as homemade pressies for Christmas? Sorry I don’t know their ages so this may not be feasible! Just an idea.

Sorry I really don’t mean to sound nagging, I just know from experience that the more structure you can set yourself, then the better you might start to feel. Even something simple like instead of Facebook you could clean out your email inbox? Maybe reply to some people you’ve not spoken to in a while? That can make you feel good...

Take care and congrats very much on the hospital discharge - I really hope it all gets better and better for you from here! Kx

[Kats88]

Thanks ladies. Sadly I don't feel up to doing anything. I need a new job to feel better. I need something to focus on. Xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer in reply to Kats88]

What sort of work do you do Kats / would you like to do? Would you need any sort of support to get back to work? It’s great you’re thinking about it, and work can be so protective for mental health- if it’s supportive and not making you more stressed!

I never went back to my old line of work (economics, management consultancy, City-type work) but have forged a new career of sorts using my mental illness experience (I’m now a freelance mental health first aid instructor). I have bipolar disorder and need to manage my work quite carefully (I work max 2 or 3 days a week, and use the rest of the time to catch up on other household stuff, and various voluntary roles etc).

X

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi glad you are home. That is a good thing in itself.

How old are your children? If they are your main focus then maybe just spend your days preparing for when you have them. Making things nice for them in the home and planning some things to enjoy together. It doesnt matter if you only do one or two small things during the day. the main thing is that gives a feeling of being productive and that is also healing.

I know what its like to do nothing. I have bi polar and hate being alone in the house. I have to fight the urge to go to bed at those times! Your days will get better but just give yourself really small goals/tasks to start with

T x

[Arabella-]

Sorry to hear that - you have online support here and are doing really well. Keep it up! Maybe go back and visit your friends in hospital?

I read somewhere that depression hates activity - maybe you could try to keep busy as a way of getting over the depression? Xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Kats88,

Its good to hear from you again, and to hear that you are back home. You should feel so proud with how far you have come. I'm sorry that things are hard, and you are struggling with depression.

I agree with the others above that I found when I was depressed that I had to try really hard to fight it, to force myself out of bed / off the sofa, and to stay as busy as possible. As others have said planning small tasks (household tasks, going for a walk, phoning a friend) each day helped.

I also wondered if there are any peer support groups where you live, where you can meet other people with lived experience, and make friends. it may really help with feeling isolated, and motivate you to get out the house.

That is really hard and such a stress that money is tight. Are you getting all the benefits you could be entitled to (personal independence payment, housing benefit?) Citizens advice should be able to advise you? If you are having big problems with budgeting and debt you can get support from Christians Against Poverty, who I have heard offer really good support and advice: capuk.org/

Are you getting professional mental health support? Do you feel you can build up a good relationship with them?

Take care Kats, thinking of you. X