Any positive reinforcement ?

I'm 10 months post partum and was diagnosed with OCD psychosis anxiety and depression and sense my baby was 5 days old I developed a fear of sleeping in the same room cause I might harm him and not know what I'm doing I deff don't want to hurt him but sense I fear I'll have a hallucination that makes me hurt him I refuse to have access to where he is at night can anyone relate or give me something to work with or even let me know stuff like that doesn't happen out of the prison art etc etc I wanna be able to sleep near his crib I'm sick of this fear. Thanks in advance

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  • *out of the oridinary

  • Hello MichelleO,

    how are you today?

    I am sorry you have been diagnosed with the above mentioned conditions. I wonder whether your fears and anxiety and OCD have developed after you became so poorly?

    Here are quite a few females on this forum who have struggled with depression and probably will be able to give you some advise and support.

    I have had PPP in 2010 and was sectioned. I suffered from great sleep deprivation as professionals just could not find the right combination to fight my post partum psychosis.

    At the end I was given some very traditional drugs.

    Anyhow, since 2011 I was diagnosed with social and agora phobia. This has been rather debilitating as I kept away from crowds, places, especially indoors subsequently isolating myself. I learnt gradually to come out of my shell. Thanks to this forum I eventually managed to step out into the world and organised my art exhibition...5.5 years after PPP.

    Obviously my condition has had quite an affect on my little family. I do not want my child to copy those fears, thus, I am trying to be as brave as I can be. My son is the purpose for wanting to overcome my obstacles.

    In order to overcome my fears:

    1. being in contact with my care co-ordinator and GP regularly

    - developing a care plan & support network (in my case my partner, his parents & professionals) according to your needs and where you are involved in the planning

    2. Practising with a support worker supper market, towns, library (even when trying to

    prepare for my exhibition)

    3. attending group therapies:

    - Identifying triggers

    - Learning to trust again (it took 5 weeks till I managed to sit by the group and eventually in the circle, I had to sit by the open door to the back garden)

    - gaining some confidence back

    - learning from other 'partnership users' about their problems (yes, and there was one young mum suffering from the same symptoms like you do...being afraid of hurting her baby, but also could not be on her own, always had to be accompanied even at home)

    Just some ideas on how to tackle the obstacles. Triggers of fears can be rather diverse and you need some professional help. You will eventually find out what is most suitable for you.

    When you try and get out of your comfort zone, you simultaneously learn about your limitations and that is fine, too.

    Take good care of yourself, hope this helped

    Sabine :-)

  • I just got signed up for 2 groups but not about post partum it's about living well and managing moods I'm hoping it helps. And yes that's exactly me I don't like to be alone I'm afraid psychosis will take over and I never even lost touch of reality but it still scares me it's just such a huge fear. And the sleep deprivation happened first I was in labor for 5 days and then when my son came I was worried he would stop breathing in his sleep or choke and I wouldn't hear him plus he was up all night and then I heard a bad story and that's when I started losing my mind I was super anxious and kept googling psychosis and then I tried to sleep and had auditory hallucinations. So it kinda all happened at once. I have gotten better but recently had a setback when I was having panick attacks and severe depression I didn't want to be alone so I am staying at my moms and doing some groups and hopefully return home better after a month and be able to be alone again. But the fear of sleeping with him is the most difficult thing to get past.

  • Hello again, MichelleO

    I believe you are doing really fine, because you identify your worries and you want to participate in 'living well and managing moods' in order to find ways in coping with possible triggers resulting into fears and anxieties. This is exactly how I started to work towards my obstacles and trying to figure out stepping stones which enhances and improves my daily routine.

    In my case I have attended 30 hours of self management courses run by a Charity called Mind and eventually by the Somerset Partnership. There has been no official case with PPP in my area in the year 2010 and the courses I attended were female and males with different backgrounds and different mental heath issues such as depression & bi-polar.

    I believe that professional help such as a midwife, health visitor, psychiatrist, GP or mental health team within your area would be able to identify and address your particular issues and work towards a coping strategy whereby your loved ones could be included. My partner has had a huge in-put in order get me back on track. Love and trust helps a lot with the recovery in all aspects.

    Take good care. Sabine

  • Hi Michelle

    Sorry to hear you're still struggling a bit. The fear if becoming unwell again was a huge thing for me, which I think is what you're feeling? It took a while to trust myself again. For me I did have fears of sleeping in the same room as my baby because I feared I wouldn't be able to sleep, and wouldn't be able to get to sleep after the night feed/s, and that I would then become sleep deprived, and then become ill again.

    To be honest, I think the main thing I did to combat it was just to do it. I reckon if you did it for a couple of nights and realised it was OK, it would build your trust in yourself again? Could you ask your partner just to support you with it, that you feel very anxious about it, and that you could wake him if you felt anxious. Also I wonder if there's things you could do to help you feel relaxed before you go to bed or as you're lying in bed? deep breathing, listening to something relaxing?

    I hope that you're generally recovering though. You are going to get there. And maybe the fact you want to tackle this fear is a sign that you're ready to?

    Take care X

  • Hi. I can relate as when I was ill with post partum psychosis in hospital I was terrified to have the baby in my room for the same room. I also developed agoraphobia. However with time counselling and medication I recovered fully and have been well since - nearly 7 yrs.

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